'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

@angrywife

Itis not illeagle for men to attend an ann summers party. This was a sales pitch /concept started by the company in the beliefthat itwould increase profits

Yes, they should be able to come, but they have to fit into whatever is being organised. If they want to do anything more ‘male orientated,’ they must organise it.

Why don't the dads have a separate WhatsApp chat thing going and make their own arrangements, beer nights, karting, rugby/ football/snooker?

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

This

There’s some really odd posters on this thread who seem to really dislike men and are strangely wedded to the term ‘girls’ night’. It’s very old fashioned.

Motherland!!

@Birdcloud

Motherland!!

Yes but Kevin’s not allowed!

YABU and sexist

Luobogao
This really upsets DH. He is a SAHD and actively involved in the kids schooling but there are constant references to 'ladies' and 'mums' and class parent nights out where there are special discounts for women only.

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep 🤣

He needs to Man Up a bit....

Jesus Christ. That was literally one of the suggestions. If men don’t like not being involved they should become class rep.

Man becomes class rep. Reaction - “He needs to Man Up a bit

Why the capitals on Man Up for a start? Just to Really Hammer Home the stereotypical comment?

Can’t do right for doing wrong here.

You know what's rude? Elbowing your way into a social situation and trying to make it about you or suit your needs or idea of fun. I note they have not organised any 'fun' or 'manly' activities, so why on earth do they expect the women to do it? Could it be because they have come to expect others to do all the running around and organising for them? If they don't want to do it or aren't bothered, fair enough, but don't have the cheek to moan that everything is not to your liking!

I would reply with @Justilou1 response.

@LittleBearPad

There’s some really odd posters on this thread who seem to really dislike men and are strangely wedded to the term ‘girls’ night’. It’s very old fashioned.

I hate the term 'girl's night' @LittleBearPad , but women should not be demonised for wanting to socialise with other women.

I hate the term 'girl's night' @LittleBearPad , but women should not be demonised for wanting to socialise with other women.

They can be when they organise it on the class WhatsApp chat.

This is hard as a two dad family. I totally see where you are coming from but I’d hate a dad’s go karting. It’s a blooming minefield!

Hate this too, don’t get it. One mum always asks if husbands are coming as she feels bad leaving him at home at night 🤷🏻‍♀️😬I think mine probably loves being at home alone at night 😅

Is it no longer ok to feel like you have more in common with a group of people based on them being a man or a women?

Of course this is fine. It's the way that it's been insensitively managed that's the issue.

Age is at least as uniting as sex. When I went to parties in my youth it would usually be a mixed sex group of young people. I can't remember any party where there was just one sex spanning teens through pensioners.

It's fine to feel that you have more in common with some people based on sex/age/ethnicity etc, but I'd imagine the responses would be different if the OP had been excluding two middle aged women and saying "Sorry Karen/Barbara, but this event was intended for younger mums only. It's only one event but feel free to organise your own for the middle aged mums"

@EarthSight

You know what's rude? Elbowing your way into a social situation and trying to make it about you or suit your needs or idea of fun. I note they have not organised any 'fun' or 'manly' activities, so why on earth do they expect the women to do it? Could it be because they have come to expect others to do all the running around and organising for them? If they don't want to do it or aren't bothered, fair enough, but don't have the cheek to moan that everything is not to your liking!

I would reply with @Justilou1 response.

Why does it need to be a case of ‘either or’? A man in the group suggested something he felt was more male-orientated. The OP told him he was welcome to organise that. He hasn’t, so it hasn’t happened - and I agree there’s no reason why the OP should have to make that happen. But none of that is relevant to the OP saying a subsequent, unrelated night out is only for women.

I agree with @EarthSight
If the SAHDs want to be accommodated then they should put some effort into organising meetups or nights out. The fact is that many men go from having their mothers organising everything in their lives to their g/fs wives or partners doing it for them.
Women are, for the most part, very proactive.i'm not anti men by a long chalk but I now realise that, after 41 years, I'm glad to be single and not have to answer to parents, partner or children.

I initially read it as OP excluding the dads active in the class chat but then realised that's not the case, it's husbands who aren't even that active so won't have formed closer bonds with other parents. It's more like "can my husband come". Doesn't sound like the husbands bother taking kart on the school aspect or organising play dates and costumes for their children either, I think they're pretty rude actually, to tag along to any social activity and complain it's not an activity they like.

My husband would not be the slightest bit bothered if I was socialising with women in the class chat without him. Equally, if he was planning a few pints with some of the dads from out class chat and asked if I could go too and I then complained they hadn't organised something I liked, MN replies would be "of course they didn't plan something for the women instead of a few pints over something he and his dad friends like"

@Rainbowqueeen

I’d just say “this ones a girls night, maybe you’d like to organise a catch up for all parents around half term?”

That's exactly what I was thinking, as well. And you are right...no matter how affable he may be, haveing a man along on a Girl's Night Out changes the dynamics utterly!

I think another factor less touched upon is that creating division often harms women more than men.

How many women were passed by for a promotion in favour of a bloke because having women at the board meeting/golf club might 'change the group dynamic'?

I'm still not getting the whole "If everyone isn't included then it shouldn't be mentioned" nonsense.

If there was an information session for people with ND children, I would expect it to be posted in the whatsapp group, so that those to whom it applied could attend if they wanted.
If there was an invitation for learning to care for your dog, I would expect the same.
If there was someone setting up a sports activity for parents who were interested, I would expect the same.
If a bloke suggested a Dad's night out, I would expect the same.

None of these would apply to me, so I would read and move on. I wouldn't get all arse-faced about it because it "wasn't inclusive so shouldn't have been mentioned" - ffs! And someone suggesting a mum's night out is exactly the fucking same as all the above.

This is what my OH says. He found it really difficult helping with the kids when young. Felt excluded by the mums activities. I think if we want men to do their bit and be involved, we have to bring them into the picture and big time. Otherwise we can't moan when they resort to type.

…

…….

no sorry, I just can’t

Well that was an intreating thread!

Its still going ahead as a 'mums' night! No one has complained and the original mum who asked if her dh can come is coming ........alone! After a long summer with DC and Dh I bet she is looking forward to the great escape!