'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

[quote wherestheweightlosspill]@PleasantBirthday I think in any group there’s a group responsibility to be inclusive not cliquey, yes. Or at the very least don’t openly exclude a person or group of people.[/quote]
So you have no individual friends? Always one big group? You never meet any other parents without inviting the whole class? Never meet a neighbour for a drink without inviting the whole street?

I am amazed that you announced a night out in a group chat and then are planning to not invite people from that chat. It's the height of rudeness. No need to change what you are going to do, but it's pretty bad behaviour. If you wanted a select few you should have just asked them. Like my mum always said when I had birthday parties and had fallen out with one of my friends 'either all of them come or none of them come'.

Any man who inserts himself into a mum’s night out, with complete disregard for the women’s feelings is EXACTLY the type of man who I wouldn’t want to spend any time with.

*So what? They don't have to be included in every last thing. Would you invite them to an Anne Summers party if you were having one (if that's even still a thing)

Actually we did have a mixed Ann Summers party aged about 19/20. Much more fun with men.

Ah god I would have hated that.*

Isn't it great we are all different. I have always socialised mostly in mixed groups as do my parents.DH was at home for a bit and did find "mum groups" quite distrustful and excluding.

@traumatisednoodle

So what? They don't have to be included in every last thing. Would you invite them to an Anne Summers party if you were having one (if that's even still a thing)

Actually we did have a mixed Ann Summers party aged about 19/20. Much more fun with men.

That’s funny because when I was an Ann summers rep, men were not allowed to attend. That was the company policy where parties were involved. OP I do not think yabu. A mums night out is exactly that. Men would not necessarily enjoy going out with a bunch of women who talk “mum stuff” around a good meal and a few drinks. I know my DH would hate the idea. I have suggested he goes out with his mates on many an occasion without me. It would not bother me if he did.

You shouldn't have males on the same group chat if you're going to exclude them them from a lunch. Very rude imo

I think this is so out of order. As a parent whose DH is the main carer it's hard enough for him to integrate without this sort of shit. I get the go karting but - you should organise what you want to do and if that doesn't appeal then they don't go - they trip shouldn't revolve around them. But to only invite females is really low. Invite a smaller group of mums or everyone. Don't exclude them just because they are men

Why put it in a group if you didn’t want certain people in the group to go? Just ask people that you do want.

I really dislike the class WhatsApp group. The mums in ours are cliquey and downright bitchy in real life. I'm only on it to keep an eye on the start time fir this year etc. Agree with others that it's plain rude to organise something announced to all and then exclude people.

@Hertsgirl10

Why put it in a group if you didn’t want certain people in the group to go? Just ask people that you do want.

Yea this is what I didn’t get. If you only want certain people to meet up, why not just arrange it with those people.

@BoredZelda

I’d call it a girls night out..hmm

What would you call the act of not inviting someone on the basis of their gender?

@BoredZelda

Again…I’d call it a girls night. Eg a night out for the mums without the men.

Some of the replies on this thread are utterly mind boggling.

I actually dont believe some of the posters believe what they're posting, I think they're being inflammatory and pathetic for kicks. God knows I hope that's what it is anyway, there can't be such ridiculous people in our society.

Actually no, scratch that, there are such people in our society, that's why it's in such a bloody mess and we're all to become "woke " 🙄

@traumatisednoodle

*So what? They don't have to be included in every last thing. Would you invite them to an Anne Summers party if you were having one (if that's even still a thing)

Actually we did have a mixed Ann Summers party aged about 19/20. Much more fun with men.

Ah god I would have hated that.*

Isn't it great we are all different. I have always socialised mostly in mixed groups as do my parents.DH was at home for a bit and did find "mum groups" quite distrustful and excluding.

It's actually illegal to have a mixed Anne Summers party

@Angrywife which particular law is this?

@gannett

Gender-segregated socialising is so bloody weird.

Its sex, gender is a feeling in ones head.

The point that the dads could organise something is valid, itisleft to the women to organise things, also not once have the women who are married to these men organised anything

This resonated with me. Just recently I've been to a couple of events organised by my partners family. I was asked (nicely) when I was going to organise an event.
I'm not going to, because I have no reason to. But why did they ask me? Whats wrong with asking partner?
Well we all know its because I'm the woman, expectations rest on me.

I’m loving being called ‘Woke’. My kids would be pissing themselves laughing at that!

I would definitely set up a branch off group as I’m pretty sure only the same “Mums” attend the nights out, that way you don’t have to face the awkward questions if in future another mum becomes friendly with anyone you can add her to the branch off night out group. No one wants Dads tagging along on a night out for mums that’s for sure 😂

If it was the other way round: ‘dads only’, ‘blokes only’, ‘men only’ how would it go down?

My DH does 50% of the domestic/childcare stuff and enjoys parent nights out.

I don’t thing that you should feel obliged to organise paint balling etc though. You are right. If anyone wants that more active kind of do then let them organise it. I’m not sure why you want to exclude dads though. Seems a bit churlish to me but we always had mixed nights out at our old school. No idea at the new one.

[quote SimonJT]@Angrywife which particular law is this?[/quote]
I forget what, it's been a while since I worked worked them. Something to do with orgies

@Angrywife I see, does breaking this law lead to a custodial sentence?

@Whatinthelord
It’s so weird and rude, I mean school hasn’t even started and they have managed to already have an awkward group chat drama 💆🏼‍♀️ I can’t understand why the men can’t go, they’re not children that need entertaining by having ‘men’ stuff to do. Presuming it’s not the full monty type do then I’m pretty sure they will be fine doing what ever the women are doing.

If it was the other way round: ‘dads only’, ‘blokes only’, ‘men only’ how would it go down?

I’d have no problem whatsoever with a dads night out being discussed on the school WhatsApp. I wouldn’t even think of asking to attend nor would I feel personally victimised or discriminated against.

@SyIviescup

men have literally been compared to children on this thread by posters who somehow think that’s a valid comparison. Mind boggling..

....yeah, but in fairness. ....

I would just rebrand it as a "Menopausal discussion group with wine" in future. That should hopefully keep the men away, unless Mr Centre of Attention wishes to chime in.

Initially I thought you meant the men were the sole representatives from their families, and having seen my brother excluded and quite isolated/sad as a FT Dad I would have said it’s unfair. But since you clarified the dads would be coming along with their partners, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to do a singletons thing rather than a couples thing. Can’t you just form a breakaway WA group?