'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

YABU. If everyone in the WhatsApp group isn’t invited, you don’t post it to the WhatsApp group.

You are being rude by excluding certain people.

I do think its quite rude to purposely exclude members of the group. I agree with pp, create a separate group if you want ladies only events.

@Justilou1

I’d reply “Sure but as it’s mostly ladies, we have no intention of “changing it to a more male-friendly venue” like go-karting.” We plan on eating and drinking wine. Thanks!

Why is go karting a more male friendly venue? do you operate them with a penis?

Make a separate group if your only wanting women there.
I find it rude also

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

Definitely this. If you are sending the invite to a group WhatsApp, it should be for everyone in the group, otherwise it is rude. If there are a core group of mums that like to go out together, set up a separate WhatsApp group for when you want it to just be you.

This really upsets DH. He is a SAHD and actively involved in the kids schooling but there are constant references to 'ladies' and 'mums' and class parent nights out where there are special discounts for women only.

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep 🤣

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

Yes - this. If it’s “class parents get together” then share it on the group and of course invite dads too. If you want part of the group only, just invite them separately. I am very pro-single-sex spaces where needed, but I think class get togethers where dads are excluded is pretty harsh, and frankly seems to perpetuate the “it’s weird if dads are at the school gate” mentality. I appreciate you want a ladies night out, but don’t put it on the group if that’s your aim.

@Luobogao

This really upsets DH. He is a SAHD and actively involved in the kids schooling but there are constant references to 'ladies' and 'mums' and class parent nights out where there are special discounts for women only.

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep 🤣

Good for him!

Our primary WhatsApp one of the Mum's decided it was only for Mum's, so Dad's couldn't join the group. Seemed weird to me as lots of Dad's did majority of pick ups.... However I left it to Dad's to address it, if they care.

I dont think its rude at all to arrange a ladies only night, unfortunately you will always get the goady people who like to push it

@Chihuahuacat

Do the men want to come or are some people just speaking on their behalf?

If they want to come - it’s rude to not invite them, set up a new group.

If it’s just some women asking on their behalf , just politely say some events are women only.

There is only two dads, that come. One is very quiet and the other one likes to take centre stage.

It really does change the dynamics.

@Luobogao

This really upsets DH. He is a SAHD and actively involved in the kids schooling but there are constant references to 'ladies' and 'mums' and class parent nights out where there are special discounts for women only.

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep 🤣

Good for him! Love this

My partner does nights . He has always shared or led nursery pick ups, done baby groups etc. He is as much a Part of school as me.

Lots of people complain dads or OH don’t do their share but it ok to block them from a school / group catch up / event ? How will things ever become seen as both parents role if divided when it the fun stuff etc .

If more partners came to events etc and met others may be they start to feel more involved and willing to join in with drop offs etc.

As long as you’re happy to be excluded from other social events based on your sex or gender, crack on.

You need to make a separate group titled something like ‘girls night out’. You can’t have a group for parents and then deliberately exclude some of them.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene exactly 🥳

@LemonFantaGin

I dont think its rude at all to arrange a ladies only night, unfortunately you will always get the goady people who like to push it

You dont think its rude to actively and very obviously exclude two members?

And dont call people 'goady' just because of their opinions. By doing that you totally shut down their voices by being so dismissive.

YANBU.

It’s very clear from your message that it’s a Ladies Only night. Nothing wrong with that and any man who has issues with that should check his sense of entitlement. I would reply to the person who asked, that as the first message said it’s for mums so ladies only but if she would like an event for all parents including the dads, she’s very welcome to organize it and you’d love that.

@3womeninaboat

As long as you’re happy to be excluded from other social events based on your sex or gender, crack on.

which I can't see happening as they don't organise anything and rarely engage on the group chat.

However if they did arrange a mans night out it really wouldn't bother me.

My dh could probably think of nothing worse than sitting in a pub with 10-20 women for the night. At our school the mums and dads have separate nights out and it has naturally been that way. Yanbu

@fourandnomore

My dh could probably think of nothing worse than sitting in a pub with 10-20 women for the night. At our school the mums and dads have separate nights out and it has naturally been that way. Yanbu

My Dh is the same. He does come if we are going to a big park/event but siting in the pub with a group of women - nah

It's pretty rude to have a group of people and send a message to that group only inviting some of them out.
Keep the class whatsapp for conversations about things relevant to the class. Set up a group for those you want to invite out.

I don’t think it’s fair to have a group meeting where members of the group aren’t welcome. So either start a separate WhatsApp for the people you do want there, or accept that anyone who fancies it can come along.

Just day Dads can sort out an evening for themselves another time if they want.

They probably won't.

@fourandnomore the thing is he can say no but nice to be asked? Or May be if other dads there he would enjoy it ? OH has made some mum and dad friends to meet at park etc without me .