'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

[quote wherestheweightlosspill]@Pumperthepumper he didn’t expect me to complain. You asked if ever organised anything, I said he did but it wasn’t reciprocated and yet somehow he’s still at fault. My point from the beginning was that men are made unwelcome because they’re men. Your point is that it’s their own fault. We’ll have to agree to disagree[/quote]
It is their fault though. Your argument seems to be that nobody went out of their way to make sure he had pals. That’s too bad, he’s an adult. So he had two choices; complain to you, or make his own pals.

Tell them to organise their own "fun activities". Yes it does change the dynamics and it's not rude to want have women only nights. Enjoy your night.

I find it interesting how groups primarily aimed at arrangements for children very quickly turn into social organisation for parents.

After reception year was over I took a load of the parents in my sons class off my social media as I didn’t ever interact with them at all in real life. It seemed to cause quite a stir.

I think it gets messy when you try to duel purpose a WhatsApp group as communication for/about children AND a social page for parents.

Cant be bothered Rtft but I'd be very if my dh went along on a mums night out. Are these single dads who are looking to hookup or something?

It's weird and very passive aggressive (or maybe just aggressive-aggressive) of them to keep asking when you've already made your feelings clear.

Why can't men just leave women the fuck alone when they want to be with fellow women only? Its it a power thing or are they just so arrogant and self absorbed that they are completely oblivious to social parameters?

@Pumperthepumper not true. His choice was to push them to include him when they clearly were only wanted to hang out with other mums or live with it. He lived with it. He told me because that’s what people do, not to tell talas but to share his day. Choose to make all SAHDs creeps or idiots or whatever you are thinking but I can also think how nasty and bitchy some women are

[quote wherestheweightlosspill]@Pumperthepumper not true. His choice was to push them to include him when they clearly were only wanted to hang out with other mums or live with it. He lived with it. He told me because that’s what people do, not to tell talas but to share his day. Choose to make all SAHDs creeps or idiots or whatever you are thinking but I can also think how nasty and bitchy some women are[/quote]
Of course that wasn’t his choice! ‘Push them to include him’ - why the fuck should they? Why not contact other dads? Other parents?

@Pumperthepumperhe did! I never said he didn’t, I was answering your question and you repeatedly make up the rest. My point is the same whatever ‘it’s men’s fault’ story you come up with. It is rude to use a WhatsApp group to invite all but some of the people in that group. Simple. You keep asking for more details to suggest that men are at fault but I think OP should just make a new group.

Thank goodness we didn’t have WhatsApp groups back in my kids’ days…. Sounds like more of a social thing for the silly parents who no doubt will be excluding one of the group at some time or another!

@Hellotoallmyfans

Cant be bothered Rtft but I'd be very if my dh went along on a mums night out. Are these single dads who are looking to hookup or something?

It's weird and very passive aggressive (or maybe just aggressive-aggressive) of them to keep asking when you've already made your feelings clear.

Why can't men just leave women the fuck alone when they want to be with fellow women only? Its it a power thing or are they just so arrogant and self absorbed that they are completely oblivious to social parameters?

If you HAD bothered to read at least the opening post, you’d see it was two women who’d asked about inviting the dads, not the dads themselves.

HRTFT - But I have read all OPs posts... im in my kids class WhatsApp groups... if there was a post similar to the one OP described I would assume it was just for the ladies. I wouldn't invite my DP based on my assumption, and I wouldn't message in the group asking if he could come as I have read it as ladies only. He wouldn't want to go on a ladies night out either.
I honestly don't see anything wrong in that. Seriously is a group of women not allowed out without males in attendance. If you have mixed nights out - why do you think @SyIviescup that one of the women wanted to bring her husband - is it because she always does?
This is just like my DP going on the lads night out with his team mates and asking if I could tag along. Again they organise couples events but I wouldn't dream of going on just the lads night.

@wherestheweightlosspill

He invited a few mums round for coffee once, they came, assuming I’d be there and when I wasn’t they stayed a short while and never reciprocated, so he doesn’t.

Just going by what you told us! Did you forget to mention all those great dads outings he organised? Or were you just too desperate to have a go at women for not holding your husband’s hand and making pals for him?

Maybe ask for clarification as this could mean the Dad's in the group or the mums wanting to bring their other halves which would be the dad's that are not in the group but want to come along.
I don't think it is rude to want a mums only event but if the reverse was true, a mainly men's group with just 2 mums in it, I am sure the mums would be feeling a bit miffed.

@Christinatherabbit

You are not being unreasonable to want a female only night out. You ARE being totally unreasonable to arrange the night out on the parents group where there are dad's also but tell them they aren't welcome. What the hell? That's so weird! I have 5 children from 21 down to 5 so have spent many years In these circles I have never been in one like this before. Sounds bizarre and even though my husband wouldn't want to come I would think it so odd for him to be in a group like this! Make up a group that is called mums only of daisy's and daffodils or year 2 or whatever if this is what you want to do 🤦‍♀️

Mums only would also be sexual discrimination, unless fathers were allowed to join if they chose to do so.

Seriously can’t believe this thread!!

Pre Covid we regularly had mum nights - a few times per year anyway. The mums in the group know each other better and it does change the dynamic when partners are there.

There are no single dads in either of my girls classes that are part of any chats either.

We’ve had nights with couples too. But I don’t see what’s wrong with just a mums night?

@Pumperthepumper once again ignoring my point. You asked if he’d organised anything, I gave you an example but apparently you needed all examples good and bad. And I'm not having a go at all women, just saying not making a new group but using one with people you choose to exclude is rude and bitchy, you’re tying yourself in knots to prove it’s reasonable and it’s men’s fault anyway. Night night

I’d call it a girls night out..hmm

What would you call the act of not inviting someone on the basis of their gender?

it does change the dynamic when partners are there.

This is such cliched nonsense. “Changing the dynamic” has no real meaning, it is just coded language given as an excuse not to include.

[quote wherestheweightlosspill]@Pumperthepumper once again ignoring my point. You asked if he’d organised anything, I gave you an example but apparently you needed all examples good and bad. And I'm not having a go at all women, just saying not making a new group but using one with people you choose to exclude is rude and bitchy, you’re tying yourself in knots to prove it’s reasonable and it’s men’s fault anyway. Night night[/quote]
I said exactly the same upthread. I don’t think you can arrange something on a group when two of the members aren’t welcome.

But I still don’t think that means it’s the OP’s responsibility to make sure men like your husband have contacts at school. That’s on them.

We agree: I never said it was OP responsibility. I do think women exclude men but it’s no ones individual responsibility.

No blokes will want to go to this your safe

I find this so weird. I know it's not your 'friendship group' per se, but if my friends were organising a group night out and excluded a few of us because we were women and it'd just not be the 'same' with us there ruining things with our womanly energy, I'd be fuming.

And I'd never organise a night out only for women and not invite the men because we're all one group of people who get on and like each other, the gender is irrelevant...??

Also it'd be really rude to exclude them while organising it in a group message.

@wherestheweightlosspill

We agree: I never said it was OP responsibility. I do think women exclude men but it’s no ones individual responsibility.

And I think men sit back and refuse to be proactive in school life, because they expect the women to sort it for them. So it’s their individual responsibility.

I do think women exclude men but it’s no ones individual responsibility.

But you think it's a social or group responsibility?

Yabu. Sending an invite to part of the group only is rude and isolating.

@PleasantBirthday I think in any group there’s a group responsibility to be inclusive not cliquey, yes. Or at the very least don’t openly exclude a person or group of people.