'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

If it was the other way round: ‘dads only’, ‘blokes only’, ‘men only’ how would it go down?

Er….it would be a complete non-issue

Genuine question - if your DH’s were also on the school WhatsApp chat and one of the mums suggested a mums night out - are you all seriously saying you would want your DH’s also to be there purely because they are in the chat too?

And do you always include your partners in nights out?

Is it no longer ok to feel like you have more in common with a group of people based on them being a man or a women? Is this another thing that we aren’t allowed to do for fear of being called sexist?

[quote Pumperthepumper]@CalishataFolkart that’s not true. I gave plenty of suggestions; working parents who don’t do the school run. Step parents looking to be more involved. Parents of their kids friends. The PTA. The school council.

How strange you missed them all.[/quote]
I didn’t miss them. It was pointed out to you that none of those are relevant as they are not part of the original group.

If Johnny has ten friends and nine of them go on a night out to which Johnny isn’t invited, who should Johnny make a new group with?

Working parents who don’t do the school run - not part of the relevant group.
Step parents looking to be more involved - not part of the relevant group.
Parents of their kids’ friends… probably already part of the relevant group FROM WHICH THEY ARE BEING EXCLUDED on this occasion.
The PTA - not part of the relevant group.
The school council - not part of the relevant group.

@Hugoslavia you are assuming the mums are all of a certain age

@CrankyFrankie

Initially I thought you meant the men were the sole representatives from their families, and having seen my brother excluded and quite isolated/sad as a FT Dad I would have said it’s unfair. But since you clarified the dads would be coming along with their partners, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to want to do a singletons thing rather than a couples thing. Can’t you just form a breakaway WA group?

Yes this.

If you didn't want B and partner to come dont post on a group with them, simply invite the mums you want separately. End of...

It's very clear from the thread the staggering number of women who can't bear to socialise without their husbands attached to their sides

Also, wasn't there a post on here the other day about a parent WA group where one parent was chasing RSVPs to a party and the question was whether or not it was rude to ask the individuals in the whole group

1. instead of messaging individually and
2. when everyone's child had not been invited?

I'm pretty sure the general consensus was that there was absolutely nothing wrong with this, where else should she ask/who has time to message individually/of course every child can't be invited?

But people here are fuming at adult men not be included in a women's night out? When the husbands in question weren't even in the group and therefore would have made no difference if the group was mums only

[quote SimonJT]@Angrywife which particular law is this?[/quote]
It’s not actually illegal, but it was against company policy to allow men at an Ann summers party. It may have changed now but as late as 2016 that was still the case. Party planners should not have allowed men into the party.

@Suspicioussam

What are people not getting? This isn't a mums group where mums are asking if their partners can come along ffs!!! It is a parents group that has 2 men on it (presumably a lot of the dad's didn't choose to join the group) and an event is being organised on it for 'mums only' actively excluding two people in the group. No wonder men don't want to join these groups! It's such a shame, we would all benefit (women men and kids) from dad's being more involved in the daily admin and organisation of daily school life!

Exactly this!!

@MolyHolyGuacamole don't think the thread shows that there are many women who can't socialise without their DH, it is simply discussing the etiquette of inviting only certain parents when on a parents group.

And it is the same when discussing kid's party invites on a group chat when only a few children have been invited.

@Angrywife aye, OK. Illegal, you say...

Pahahahaha! House of Lords passed in what? 1988?

@MolyHolyGuacamole

It's very clear from the thread the staggering number of women who can't bear to socialise without their husbands attached to their sides

Or, more worryingly, aren’t allowed to

Amusing myself at the thought of the police turning up at a house because men are joining in an Ann summers party.

Mind you, they might join in!

It's very clear from the thread the staggering number of women who can't bear to socialise without their husbands attached to their side

And that many of the posters here apparently can't read. Even with the options of "OP only" posts.

[quote toomuchlaundry]@MolyHolyGuacamole don't think the thread shows that there are many women who can't socialise without their DH, it is simply discussing the etiquette of inviting only certain parents when on a parents group.

And it is the same when discussing kid's party invites on a group chat when only a few children have been invited.[/quote]
I genuinely don't think it's a big deal to organise a 'mums' or 'dads' night out in a mixed group.

I find it worse to exclude kids from a party and the parents find out about it through WhatsApp but many don't agree https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4303561-Is-this-Whatsapp-mum-being-unreasonable?pg=1&messages=25

I guess it just depends what time you post and which groups of people respond, just find it funny how different the responses are

@SimonJT yes, it’s a well known law. At least 17 people are currently in jail for breaking it

We aren’t talking about husbands and wives both going to the do, just that either the husband ir the wife should be able to go on a class parents night out and feel equally welcome.

@Whycangirlsbesonasty I'm of the opinion if there is a parents night any parent can go, even if it means some couples come. That doesn't mean I can't socialise without DH, and in fact when DC were little, we would probably be limited to only of us going out as the other one would be at home with DC

@Whycangirlsbesonasty

We aren’t talking about husbands and wives both going to the do, just that either the husband ir the wife should be able to go on a class parents night out and feel equally welcome.

Oh, I didn’t know you could change the topic of a thread someone else has started and not allow people to discuss the original topic or address the original question. That’s interesting

@wherestheweightlosspill

Do ignore @Pumperthepumper they clearly have issues with comprehending any situation which doesnt fit their narrowview point

Yabvu and sexist.

If it was the other way round: ‘dads only’, ‘blokes only’, ‘men only’ how would it go down?

went down great in our group. one dad would organise a dad's night out (dinner usually) at least once or twice a year. Would send an email (olden days) to the parents list and say "anyone interested in coming to a dads night out on Thursday? if you are let me know by Monday and I will make a booking at XYZ restaurant". no one got offended and no one asked to bring their wife.

There were mums nights out with similar frequency. And then there were parents nights out too. Maybe 4 or 5 mums/dads/all nights out in total a year.

So you have no individual friends? Always one big group? You never meet any other parents without inviting the whole class? Never meet a neighbour for a drink without inviting the whole street?

Actually, tonight one of my friends messaged me and one other as she was unexpectedly in town and asked if we fancied meeting up. We’re also on a group chat with three other friends and generally talk on it most days, but she didn’t ask on that group, as the other three live too far away to just pop along. Why would she bother them with messages about a night out they can’t possibly attend?

So yes, I for one would go out with one or two friends and not a whole group. Or a few parents and not every parent with a child in the class: or one neighbour and not the entire street. But do you know what I wouldn’t do? Use the class or street WhatsApp group to plan that night out. Because that just highlights that some people are not invited - or at the very least is boring for people who can’t go (as in my example above).

So why, I wonder, did the OP choose that particular forum? She claims she didn’t want to leave any of the mums out - but she knew she was going to be explicitly excluding the dads, who could see the message… and crucially, she knew two of the mums who had asked on more than one previous occasion if dads were invited would see it. So why not just message a few of her closer friends? Why expect a different result to previous occasions? Was it a mistake - or was it making a point?

I can’t say I have any particular objection to a ladies/mums night. But if I specifically wanted that and knew from experience that others would ask to include men/dads, I’d make sure they weren’t asked in the first place.

@Luobogao

This really upsets DH. He is a SAHD and actively involved in the kids schooling but there are constant references to 'ladies' and 'mums' and class parent nights out where there are special discounts for women only.

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep 🤣

He needs to Man Up a bit....