'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

After re reading your op I'm glad these two Women are calling you out on your behaviour.

What behaviour? Making sure the other women don't feel left out

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Surely you'd rather Kevin than Amanda anytime, OP?

If you want a night out with a select group, do it away from the main WhatsApp.

You're setting equality back by 20 years here, OP.

You're setting equality back by 20 years here, OP.

Ridiculous.

All the school based nights out we did when Dd was small was for all/any parents. They were just things like meals and drinks out, so nothing specifically male or female orientated. Just as many of the dads did pick up/drop off as the mums, so the group contained both. It's have felt strange to have an either/or situation as for some of the children dad did more school-based stuff than mum.

The issue with the OP is that the night out has been announced on a parent's group. If you organise something on a group page then it ought to be for the whole group, not excluding some (and in this case excluding a very small number it seems - just 2.) if you want a social event for only,specified people, you should organise it elsewhere, outside of the group page.

How many times have we seen women on here asking why their partners don't do more or take an interest in the kids? You helping perpetuate the myth that men shouldn't parent. It's rude and sexist.

It's rude to put out the invitation on the group, when you don't actually mean that all the group are welcome. Surely you can see that? Set up a separate group, call it Mums' Night Out, and add the people you want to go out with.

If you had an office that was mainly men and they set up a social WhatsApp group for out of work fun, then constantly excluded the only two women on the basis that they changed the dynamic and could always arrange their own nights out if they wanted to, I’d think that was really shitty behaviour.

This isn’t much different really.

@Flatdisco

I think the rude thing here is for the dads to complain about the activities then do fuck all to make the alternative activities happen.

That's pretty standard with school parents. Lots of people will moan about how a PFA do things, but the buggers never want to help!

Why the segregation?

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

This. I get particularly annoyed because I wish MORE men were on the class WhatsApp groups and actually took an active role in the endless cycle of reminding people about class events, volunteering to help in the classroom etc. But every single time a message goes out on the class WhatsApp suggesting a "mums night out" it's just another message to the dads that they don't have to be involved.

Set up a separate WhatsApp for mum-related social activities. And keep the men off that one.

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Do you mean that some people come as couples, OP?

Because that does change the dynamic.

As a school group, i would have no issue if mums, dads or carers of any type came along as individuals.

I wouldn't really enjoy it if some can along as partners though - I'd find that odd.

They do come as partners.

Maybe all the mums should invites their partners to the group so more men can be involved and create their own activities. Has anyone suggested to people to add their partners?

@Witchcraftandhokum

How many times have we seen women on here asking why their partners don't do more or take an interest in the kids? You helping perpetuate the myth that men shouldn't parent. It's rude and sexist.

How? She’s not saying he shouldn’t do the school run or be a SAHP, she’s saying he changes the dynamic of the group.

I think it depends on whether the dads are single parents or SAHPs rather than the partners of the mums on the group.

I'd expect the former to be included but not so much the latter unless it was a bring all partners sort of thing. My DH was a SAHD and i wouldn't have been upset in the slightest if he was invited and i wasn't. To be fair to him he did join the committee at the toddlers group and did the snack runs and helped organise the trips. When i was on mat leave with DS2, i joined in as I was also a member of the group but no other dads went along. Sometimes in this types of groups it's the childminders who go as they are the ones with the relationships with the group.

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Do you mean that some people come as couples, OP?

Because that does change the dynamic.

As a school group, i would have no issue if mums, dads or carers of any type came along as individuals.

I wouldn't really enjoy it if some can along as partners though - I'd find that odd.

Well, at my school, in a couple of classes one child has two mums. How does it work for them? They are a couple. Can only one of them attend each event, if having couples/partners there together change the dynamics? How do they decide who is more of a mum than the other?

@RiverSkater

Just day Dads can sort out an evening for themselves another time if they want.

They probably won't.

There are only two of them. It's ridiculous to sideline them and expect them to arrange their own get together. It's entirely different from a group thing.

Suggest a second event with partners?

Your behaviour is you are making the men feel left out. It's a school WhatsApp so surely all parents should be invited and not just the female parents

If it’s in the group chat the whole group should be invited. If you want to organise a meet up for selected members then you need to set up a new group.

We have a team WhatsApp for work. It’s like someone on there arranging a get together that not all of us were actually invited to. It’s rude.

I’m on a class WhatsApp. When there have been parties that aren’t whole class invites, the host sets up a new group. Should be the same for this.

Doing an invitation on the whatsapp group for only a few members is rude and sexist, no wonder men leave women to do the main job of school stuff. I was asked if I wanted to join one of those whatsapp groups and just smiled politely and went on to a different subject. Awful things.

What behaviour? Making sure the other women don't feel left out leaving out 2 parents on the basis of their gender. In a group chat so they know about it too.

...but he probably wouldn't go on a night out with a bunch of women and him regardless. If it was something to take DC to he would.

Thing is, if it's an absolutely everyone but those two men group, then it's quite mean. Surely there are mums who are loud or aren't your fave, but you would invite 28 mums, and exclude 2 days, seems weird.

Now, if you want to socialize as a friendship group, make a new Whatsapp, include a few of your besties and crack on. I'm in a group like that and it's fun, and absolutely everyone in that particular group is invited to everything.

But whole class Whatsapp shouldn't be used for selective invites I don't think, it's like having a whole class party and asking if the two girls can't come along (my daughter was one of only a handful of girls in one class).

I wish MORE men were on the class WhatsApp groups and actually took an active role in the endless cycle of reminding people about class events, volunteering to help in the classroom etc. But every single time a message goes out on the class WhatsApp suggesting a "mums night out" it's just another message to the dads that they don't have to be involved.

EXACTLY!

It isn't unreasonable to want a women only night out but it is rude to put it on an all class chat. Create a new group for that and carry on your class discussions on the main group.

@HalzTangz

Surely the event should be parents night not mums night, not all kids have a mum.

I'm sure the events could also be unisex.

On our particular group they do.