'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

@RiverSkater

Just day Dads can sort out an evening for themselves another time if they want.

They probably won't.

They don't!

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

After re reading your op I'm glad these two Women are calling you out on your behaviour.

Could say fathers are welcome to organise a dad's night out. IME father's night out happened but probably 1/4 the frequency of mum's. Father's tended to be pub and an indian restaurant, mum's more wine bar and more upmarket restaurant. Could argue stereotyping or preferences being demonstrated.

Do you mean that some people come as couples, OP?

Because that does change the dynamic.

As a school group, i would have no issue if mums, dads or carers of any type came along as individuals.

I wouldn't really enjoy it if some can along as partners though - I'd find that odd.

@SyIviescup

Is it the pub or the women that offend him? How strange.

Set up or own sexist group

I feel sorry for any single dads in the group. I would be fuming if a bunch of work colleagues said “there’s only a few women in the group, and let’s be honest having them along really changes the dynamic, so let’s make the next catch up just blokes”. If it’s an open invite to parents I think it should be an open invite to parents. If it’s you and your girl pals that’s something different and should probably be organised separately.

You DEFINITELY don’t have to change it to go karting!!

It's so depressing when women are the ones holding up & perpetuating the sexist infrastructure. Honestly, you should be ashamed.

I think the rude thing here is for the dads to complain about the activities then do fuck all to make the alternative activities happen.

This is the equivalent of someone putting up an announcement saying “couples meal out at X restaurant on Friday” and saying that single parents aren’t welcome, they can arrange their own single parents meal out and the probably wouldn’t want to sit with a load of couples anyway. It’s unbelievably bad manners on your part OP. You need to set up separate groups for things like this if it isn’t a whole group event.

It's so rude to invite part of a WhatsApp group to something so set you're own up. And the dads might not like karting or the women might love karting. You're excluding the men and that's not ok.

There is only two dads, that come. One is very quiet and the other one likes to take centre stage.

It really does change the dynamics.

Would you exclude a loud Me Me Me mother too?

If they rarely come out or engage on the chat yet other women are asking if Dads are allowed too, id take that as a hint that social exclusion based on sex and gender is pissing off other members of the group and their subtley trying to let you know

We have two whats app group. The official class one where info shared and nights out organised. Everyone is invited not just woman. We have kids who have two dads and its rude to exclude individuals. I would have zero interest in going out with 20 woman only as the dads are just as involved with the DC and we all get on.

The other group is the smaller group of us who get on very well and enjoy having a night out, its not gender specific.

I agree that if you invite via a WhatsApp group, you should include the whole group.

Surely the event should be parents night not mums night, not all kids have a mum.

I'm sure the events could also be unisex.

The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition. this man is equally as sexist.

You should have learned to centre men by now lol.

If it’s on the class chat it’s got to be open to all hasn’t it? What if there is a male single parent? He doesn’t get to attend? He’s also a parent of a child in the class isn’t he?

Either set up a separate chat with the people you want to ask or invite all on the group.

Good god do you actually have to be this social with the other parents in your kids class? 🤯

I think its really rude to have a group that is based around anything that is not gender specific (school class, work, anything) and then start excluding people. Stuff the 'dynamic" its just plain rude.

I would probably organise the mums only night out with just your friends, and only put things open to all in the group.

I think you can do a girls night out amongst your mum friends but tbh a night out where the whole class of parents is invited should not be exclusive to mums, it's rude and excludes some parents. I have no problem with a men joining in on the night out.

However if they grumble about wanting to do something different that the men would like, then they can go ahead and organise that, but again, I would expect it to be open invite to anyone not just the men!

Surely you'd rather Kevin than Amanda anytime, OP?

If you want a night out with a select group, do it away from the main WhatsApp.

You're setting equality back by 20 years here, OP.

You can't only invite certain people on a class WhatsApp group for all parents. It's rude.