Kids not allowed to do... anything

[Wtfisgoingon2021]

Name changed as know I will probably get flamed for this.

But I just feel like no one allows their children to do anything anymore.
They will have zero resilience.

All of my children's friends sit in their rooms on Xbox's cause the parents don't want them to be out playing.
They all get driven to the local school, which is a 10 min walk and their is not even any parent parking.
My eldest is 13 and if she wants friends round it's to be 100 messages with the parents as if I'm arranging a play date for a 3 year old.
We live a short walk from the cinema with one road to cross again my 13yo allowed to go with friends and her 3 friends not allowed must be driven in someone's car.

They are only a few years off leaving school and they can't even place an order at McDonald's themselves. (I worked their moons ago and there was nothing more frustrating than young teens who had no idea how to speak for themselves or use money!!)
It seem they are being done a great misjustice and I'm constantly being made to feel a shit mum for trying to empower and grow confidence in my child.
Honesty does anyone relate to me ??

@user153876909 honestly, my mum can see potential death literally any activity, outing, club or event. It's tiring. It was horrid as a child and it's exhausting as a parent but you have to stand up to it or you pass it on to your own kids and that's awful too.

My mum had sleepless nights because my kids had the guinea pigs in their room for a few days whilst we sorted out the space for them. Was convinced they would inhale "pig" in their sleep and die. She wouldn't let my sturdy, sensible 10 year old get a ball from the beachthe other weekend though the tide was 20m away. Don't be her! Please!

Honestly I get the impression that some parents enjoy having their kids dependent on them for everything. Not healthy imo. I have friends who work in unis etc and they say that students aren't able to cope with the work, deadlines etc. anymore so I wonder whether this has something to do with it.

[quote wtfisgoingon2021]@MolyHolyGuacamole
You may think it's fat shaming.
But I'm not trying to shame anyone.

In agreement with another poster I have stated the parents of the children in my street are on the larger side. That was simply just the truth.
They probably would benefit from walking their children to school rather than driving them if they don't want them to make their way there alone. [/quote]
And you know that all of the 'larger' kids in your street don't get any other exercise yeah? You know all the ins and outs of their extra curricular activities and what they get up to at the weekends?

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Hardly fat shaming. Obesity has been increasing for years in Britain and all over the world, because we are for the majority becoming too lazy. People drive a mile to go to the shop rather than walk. Fatty food is cheaper than healthy ones. This is just fact, like it or not. Not much can be done though, people have no choice on the diet side of things for the most part if they aren't well off.

[quote SmokeyDevil]@MolyHolyGuacamole

Hardly fat shaming. Obesity has been increasing for years in Britain and all over the world, because we are for the majority becoming too lazy. People drive a mile to go to the shop rather than walk. Fatty food is cheaper than healthy ones. This is just fact, like it or not. Not much can be done though, people have no choice on the diet side of things for the most part if they aren't well off.[/quote]
Those things may be true, but that doesn't mean that they apply to the people on the street of the PP that I was replying to, it was sweeping generalisations about why all the larger kids on her street are large. Unless you are suggesting that you know what foods the kids on your street are eating and what they do in their free time.

@MolyHolyGuacamole
I don't know their exact schedules no.

The parents who drive (is all mums) mostly work short shifts during the day/evenings or are stay at home mums.
I've obviously spoken to these people for a number of years, they say the drive as they don't like the children walking. But they could walk with their child as I do with my youngest still.
Obviously it's their choice but I feel in my own personal opinion that's it's so unnecessary and date I say it Lazy!

But I do know they don't do extra curricular activities as the are my child's friends.

I also know they spend a lot of time on their game consoles as I use mine in my front room for the tv and can see who is online.

So from my experience and knowledge the really don't seem to be doing much. But hey I may be wrong.
I'm only conveying my experiences.

@wtfisgoingon2021

The parents who drive (is all mums) mostly work short shifts during the day/evenings or are stay at home mums.

Maybe their jobs require them to be on their feet a lot and the SAHM run errands all day though I'm sure you'll say you know for a fact that they sit down all day while the kids are at school

I've obviously spoken to these people for a number of years, they say the drive as they don't like the children walking. But they could walk with their child as I do with my youngest still.

This comment is fair, they admit to it themselves, and it's a personal choice.

Obviously it's their choice but I feel in my own personal opinion that's it's so unnecessary and date I say it Lazy!

You're entitled to your opinion but doesn't make it correct.

But I do know they don't do extra curricular activities as the are my child's friends.

Of course you do.

I also know they spend a lot of time on their game consoles as I use mine in my front room for the tv and can see who is online.

Clearly you spend a lot of time checking up on them as well, instead of engaging in some lovely exercise.

So from my experience and knowledge the really don't seem to be doing much. But hey I may be wrong. I'm only conveying my experiences.

That's right, you may be wrong because they are all assumptions based on the fact that they are on the 'larger side'.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

You've just made assumptions about me.
From a few posts.

Clearly I'm not frustrated about my children's social life's I'm just a total fucking fat shamer in disguise.

@MolyHolyGuacamole
Also yes I do check my children's Xbox accounts as that is part of online safety.

It also flashes up in the corner when people appear online. So I can receive this info without actually searching for it.

[quote wtfisgoingon2021]@MolyHolyGuacamole

You've just made assumptions about me.
From a few posts.

Clearly I'm not frustrated about my children's social life's I'm just a total fucking fat shamer in disguise.
[/quote]
Your children's social lives have nothing to do with the parents of the kids on your street being large, HTH.

YANBU

My DD is 9 and we've always encouraged her to be independent. If she's buying things tatt at the corner shop for herself, I let her go to the counter to speak to the shopkeeper, and handle her own money

We're lucky that she has buckets of confidence! I fully intend to let her walk to school by herself in Y6 (she's going into Y5 this time)

We're at risk of raising generation after generation of "snowflakes" who are too scared and/or incapable of doing even the simplest of tasks by themselves

God help us all

@MolyHolyGuacamole are you saying it's ok for a generation of kids to be overweight?
It's something we should all be concerned about, and if it was my child I would be very concerned, and I certainly wouldn't be driving them anywhere they could walk.
I already refuse to drive my children short distances for environmental reasons, but their health is also very important.

[quote trumpisagit]@MolyHolyGuacamole are you saying it's ok for a generation of kids to be overweight?
It's something we should all be concerned about, and if it was my child I would be very concerned, and I certainly wouldn't be driving them anywhere they could walk.
I already refuse to drive my children short distances for environmental reasons, but their health is also very important.[/quote]
I'm saying this post started out about kids being independent and some have jumped on and linked lack of independence to fatness

Childhood obesity is concerning but not the point of this post, plus the PP I have specifically been replying to didn't even say the kids were fat, the parents were! And of course that somehow was linked to her kids social life? I'm still awaiting clarification on that one.

There are MANY reasons for childhood obesity; illness, poverty, education, genetics. Yet there is always some fatness expert on here swearing up and down it's PURE LAZINESS!!! Because they know for a fact that the kid across the street plays x box

It's a balance because I don't want my kids to be so independent they just don't need me at all (read- visit me when they're older!), but my kids are able to pack their own suitcase when we go on holiday, they hang their own swimming stuff up and when they can reach the cupboard, they can get their own drinks and breakfasts. They fail miserably to take their own bags to the car but small steps as they are 6 and 4. The 6 year old pays for things whenever we have cash, both of them ask the waiter themselves if they want something. They are too young to walk anywhere themselves yet but when they are older they will be encouraged as soon as they know road sense and stranger danger are automatic concepts. I haven't got the time or patience to micro manage their lives for 18 years! Yanbu.

Maybe if the parents set a better example getting out and about the kids may get out and about more.

But you'll only tell me they could be disabled or have xyz problems how dare I judge. Fair enough. But I have known these people a fair while.

Like you said obesity isn't the point of this post.
It just so happens the kids I'm talking about that barely leave their homes have slightly larger parents.

@wtfisgoingon2021

Maybe if the parents set a better example getting out and about the kids may get out and about more.

But you'll only tell me they could be disabled or have xyz problems how dare I judge. Fair enough. But I have known these people a fair while.

Like you said obesity isn't the point of this post.
It just so happens the kids I'm talking about that barely leave their homes have slightly larger parents.

Ok.

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Those things may be true, but that doesn't mean that they apply to the people on the street of the PP that I was replying to, it was sweeping generalisations about why all the larger kids on her street are large. Unless you are suggesting that you know what foods the kids on your street are eating and what they do in their free time.

Not may be true, they are true, as much as some like to believe they are not true. And I would have thought she would know more about their situations than you considering she lives near them. It's not fat shaming, it's knowing their circumstances and knowing they are being lazy. Not everyone is obese because of health issues. Some cause it to happen to themselves, like me (eat too much and don't move enough).

[quote SmokeyDevil]@MolyHolyGuacamole

Those things may be true, but that doesn't mean that they apply to the people on the street of the PP that I was replying to, it was sweeping generalisations about why all the larger kids on her street are large. Unless you are suggesting that you know what foods the kids on your street are eating and what they do in their free time.

Not may be true, they are true, as much as some like to believe they are not true. And I would have thought she would know more about their situations than you considering she lives near them. It's not fat shaming, it's knowing their circumstances and knowing they are being lazy. Not everyone is obese because of health issues. Some cause it to happen to themselves, like me (eat too much and don't move enough).[/quote]
It's the fact that she came on a post about independence and freedom in children and made it about fat people that is the shaming part. Being fat has nothing to do with the discussion. The OP is literally asking about why it is (in her experience) that so many kids aren't allowed to do things/go places on their own.

Would be the equivalent of going on about how none of the kids on her street are allowed to walk to school on their own then said 'and I notice all these families are on benefits too' 🙄 spare me

I can relate a bit. My partner and I both have children of 18/19. Plenty old enough to fend for themselves. Both work etc
So neither of us are overly worried about going away for a week or whatever

But my friend was utterly horrified that we ‘would even contemplate leaving them alone’. ( not alone together)

This attitude baffles me She has a child (12/13) who isn’t allowed to do anything as it’s ‘too dangerous’ - I feel sorry for him.

@MurielSpriggs

My partner jokes that even the dogs here get driven for their walks grin

I got a horrified reaction recently when, in an unguarded moment, I mentioned the existence of a cat flap in our house. Apparently cat flaps are an abomination and no responsible cat owners would let their cat come and go as it pleases. To quote a common Mumsnet warning: anything could happen. If they go outside at all it should be under supervision! I think we escaped being reported to the RSPCA, but we are now regarded with suspicion.

To be fair, I wish that my neighbours would tether their cats to keep them from capping in my vegetable patch.

Before the Mumsnet police turn up to point out that tethering a cat would be cruel, it's not a serious suggestion

@HerRoyalRisesAgain your 12 year old comes in at 8pm and makes his own tea?? I think that’s a bit unrealistic for most kids going into year 8 but fair play to him.

My 12 year old step son was assaulted by a 13 year old and had his jaw broken a few weeks ago, one of the times he was with his mom not knowing where he was as she gives him far too much freedom now she finally has a boyfriend, out with his friends who were too scared to get involved and stop the other boy.

Dont get me wrong, I think they need to become a bit streetwise the world is different to how it was twenty years ago, but I still feel as parents we are responsible for them been safe, we should know where they are going and who they are with. I’m a nurse I see some terrible things so maybe I am a little over protective but you wouldn’t want your child to end up with a knife hanging out of them and you not having a clue where they were would you??

There has to be a food balance of them getting their freedom and knowing that they are still a minor and there are rules

Obviously "capping" wasn't the word I typed there. Autocorrect evidently disapproves of my potty mouth.

I’ve just finished reading the full thread. I agree that independence, freedom is important for children and their development.

I don’t agree that the parents are solely to blame for being protective or in some people’s view, overprotective.

There are a whole range of societal issues that contribute to children being prevented from getting out there and being independent.

Bullying
Safety
Crime
Laws, regulations etc. (in my country and under the state laws children under 12 must be supervised. There are no 8, 9, 10, 11 year olds walking to the corner shops or going for a bike ride or catching public transport without parents or adult supervision here. Because there could be fines or worse for the parents).

Then there is also variances in development. Some children have delayed development, disabilities etc. Their parents will know them best.

Fears and anxiety. With all the parent shaming, negative assumptions and comparisons that goes on, no wonder parents are stressed about what can I or can’t I let my children do? No wonder there are families feeling a bit isolated. Judgmentalism, gossip and relational aggression is very effective at isolating people. Why would parents who themselves or their children been through that trust society with their children?

There are many different right ways to raise our children. As long as they are loved, their needs are met and they know that they can trust and rely on us. Then they will be fine.

[quote Cherryberrybonbon]@HerRoyalRisesAgain your 12 year old comes in at 8pm and makes his own tea?? I think that’s a bit unrealistic for most kids going into year 8 but fair play to him.

My 12 year old step son was assaulted by a 13 year old and had his jaw broken a few weeks ago, one of the times he was with his mom not knowing where he was as she gives him far too much freedom now she finally has a boyfriend, out with his friends who were too scared to get involved and stop the other boy.

Dont get me wrong, I think they need to become a bit streetwise the world is different to how it was twenty years ago, but I still feel as parents we are responsible for them been safe, we should know where they are going and who they are with. I’m a nurse I see some terrible things so maybe I am a little over protective but you wouldn’t want your child to end up with a knife hanging out of them and you not having a clue where they were would you??

There has to be a food balance of them getting their freedom and knowing that they are still a minor and there are rules[/quote]
Totally agree. Some of the bragging about how much freedom some parents give their kids makes me a bit because if it’s true maybe it’s about convenience for the parents (who have got a bit bored of parenting), rather than helping the child’s development.
I have adult kids as well as a 12 year old (yes big gap), and one thing I learned is that they still need boundaries, security and to feel cared about in their high school years. We need to care enough to know where they are and what they are up to.

I so agree with you. My dd was supposed to go out with a friend tomorrow but her friends mum is working so can't get her into the town and she isn't allowed to get the bus so they have had to cancel. They are 15. . My dd walks to school all her friends get lifts . I was so more independent at her age. BUT some of these kids who aren't allowed to get a bus or walk to school are allowed to hang down the beach till 2am!!!