Kids not allowed to do... anything

[Wtfisgoingon2021]

Name changed as know I will probably get flamed for this.

But I just feel like no one allows their children to do anything anymore.
They will have zero resilience.

All of my children's friends sit in their rooms on Xbox's cause the parents don't want them to be out playing.
They all get driven to the local school, which is a 10 min walk and their is not even any parent parking.
My eldest is 13 and if she wants friends round it's to be 100 messages with the parents as if I'm arranging a play date for a 3 year old.
We live a short walk from the cinema with one road to cross again my 13yo allowed to go with friends and her 3 friends not allowed must be driven in someone's car.

They are only a few years off leaving school and they can't even place an order at McDonald's themselves. (I worked their moons ago and there was nothing more frustrating than young teens who had no idea how to speak for themselves or use money!!)
It seem they are being done a great misjustice and I'm constantly being made to feel a shit mum for trying to empower and grow confidence in my child.
Honesty does anyone relate to me ??

I don't want to use a single child as an example but I have taken these children round to the local park (cause they have to be with me the adult) and one of them sits on a swing on her phone and complains her back hurts from walking.

Why would you take them to the park? Surely your response would be to remind them they don’t need an adult to be at the park with them at that age? DD has a friend who has scoliosis, she struggles to walk far, but you’d have no idea of that unless she told you.

You have really picked at something small and blown it up.

It didn’t seem necessary to mention it, other than to twist the knife further.

I also have read back all my comments and I haven't once slated the parents or boasted about things my children can do that others can't.

Because that wasn't the point of my thread.
I was looking to see if anyone experienced what I did and I'm actually so glad that lots of posters have said YES they have the same issues.

@BoredZelda
Because if I don't take my child and her friends to the park it would be me and my child there which isn't much fun.
We've been in this street since she was 10. I've been encouraging her to make friends and go to the park play out to be met with we're not allowed without an adult.
I will also point out that none of the other adults ever take them to the park or out cycles.
I do it for my child so she can socialise.

Because if I don't take my child and her friends to the park it would be me and my child there which isn't much fun.

Taking your kid to the park seems a bizarre response to thinking that kids shouldn't need to be dragged everywhere by an adult.

Actually lots of posters have said your experience is not theirs.

@MissyB1
Yes and lots have experienced the same as me.
I'm not looking for everyone to be on the same page.
I'm sharing my experience with my children and their peers. Some have same experience some totally don't. Fair enough.
Really was looking to see if I was the only one.

@BoredZelda if it's an argument your looking for I'm not rising. I don't know what your problem is

@Echobelly

I think the error parents fall into is going 'But he/she is too young to do X', whereas I feel as a parent you should be thinking 'They will need to be able to do X in a year or two, how can we work towards that?'

And it can be scary. I speak as someone who was hit by a car when I was 8 because I was daydreaming. And with a son with ADHD, but he will be going to secondary school in just over a year so I have to get him used to walking and road crossing without an adult.

That’s an excellent point @Echobelly and we’re trying to bear that in mind with DD(16) right now. She doesn’t want to go to a local university so in two years she needs to be ready to manage her life without family close by. We live in a fairly violent American city so she also needs to be street-wise. We do rely more on cars here than in the UK as public transport isn’t great so teens definitely get more lifts ( plus distances are greater), but most of them get their licenses as soon as possible!

I think @AustralianDad7 is just having a laugh?... surely he has to be...?

@Cameleongirlame, some big city American universities do orientation weeks which include teaching incoming freshmen how to use public transport.

@Newbabynewhouse

I think *@AustralianDad7* is just having a laugh?... surely he has to be...?

With covid nutters it's impossible to tell!

It depends where you live and on your individual child really.

I let me 12yo and 10yo go to the park around the corner together and to call for their friends, they can go to the corner shop, when we go out places I let them go off together (e.g., when we went to the fair I let them go to the arcade without me on the proviso that they stuck together and that they came back when their money was gone). I don't let them walk to school without an adult as the road its on is a bit bonkers on a morning with too many cars, buses, and the shop getting its delivery, I don't take them to the gate but I do go far enough to get them over the big road safely and then they take themselves the rest of the way, I let them walk home together though because for some reason the road is quieter on an afternoon. I don't let them go to the big park at the top end of the village without an adult yet either because it's where the older kids seem to hang out however when we do go I don't follow them around, I stay in the little play area with their younger siblings and they go off and do their own thing but there's an adult in the vicinity if needed.

My 7yo plays in the street without an adult and is allowed to the corner shop with the big two if he's in a sensible mood. The 4yo is allowed in the back garden alone/without siblings but still needs someone keeping an eye if they're playing in the street.

Two of my DC are autistic so gradually building their independence in small ways while being aware/protective of their vulnerabilities is important to me.

Whilst I don't disagree that there are some parents are overly anxious, I do not for a second believe posters who say 'my child was independent at 5 blah blah'. There's always a race on here to show who is the most disinterested parent.

The reality is that independence outside the home is largely based on location, peer groups and public transport. Not only that, but there is a huge shift in accepting that some children are anxious. No one is just nervous anymore about trying new things, they 'have anxiety'. It's like we have forgotten that it's normal to have nerves when doing something for the first time.

My eldest went to school on the bus for 2yrs, when my second joined him there I drove them both every day, along with a friends 2 teens until they left. This wasn't because of any perceived risk, it was because the school bus was £30 a week each for a 15min 7 mile journey, no way was I able to pay 240 quid a month on bus fares when I could do the journey for a tenner a week fuel.

There are so many varied reasons that parents do what they do. Some of it's justified and some probably not, but as long as you are doing the best for your child that's all you can do.

YANBU as that sounds shit but I don't recognise any of that so I think you're unlucky. Hope you can talk some sense into the parents and your kids gets to have some fun

I've only experienced this in middle class families personally, maybe coincidence

The driving everywhere ^

Fwiw, one of my kids has epilepsy so he won't be going out alone or walking to school alone if I can avoid it. He needs to be driven or at least accompanied.

Remember, we are unnaturally exposed to frightening news 24/7 via phones. People worry more, expectations have changed etc.

@Beckhamsmetatarsal - excellent point about all of us being exposed to frightening, violent news 24/7. We are shortly moving to the UK with our teenage DD, and I have been very anxious about the perceived dangers. Reading the news it would appear that the UK is full of teenage gangs, fuelled by drugs, and that stabbings are rife. It took a few posters on MNet to say “Get a grip!” (in inimitable MN style!) before I felt reassured.

My sister is very protective with her teenagers. She worries about them getting in with the wrong crowd and county lines drugs etc.

I agree 100%. There were no such things a "play dates" when we were kids. We had to make our own entertainment without parents hovering around. Mostly we played street games and went to school etc in groups either walking on on the bus. At weekends our parents scarcely saw us from dawn to dusk. Babies were fed, burped, changed and then put down until the next feed. If they cried they were left because that was the way it was done.

We stil managed to grow up.

@dontshootmeforthis

I can understand. Unfortunately times have changed. I live in a small friendly village. However, recently there were some guys in the park trying to sell drugs to some young teenagers.

Meh...can’t really get wound up about this either way.

I was ridiculously spoilt and overprotected as a child/teenager. Never had to do anything/walk anywhere/was never left unsupervised really.

Still managed somehow to get a first job, move out and learn all the things and life skills I needed to.

It’s nice if children are in a safe enough area to learn these things as they grow up, but if you are a parent who is not so fortunate I really wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. They aren’t suddenly not going to be able to learn any new skills or independence after the age of 18.

OP my eldest started high school recently and. The texts from one mother in particular all summer trying to organise everything for her precious bundle of fluff did my tits in. In the end my eldest who has walked to school since they were 8 walked with another child and the first child gets a lift in every day. It’s a straight single road from their house to the school but the child isn’t allowed to go on their own or to walk home alone either.

I hated having to arrange social events for the kids who live less than 5 mins away and the parents would drop my child off when they’re perfectly capable of making the 5 minute walk back home themselves. I was gossiped about by the yummy mummies for being negligent when I was giving my child age appropriate independence. You can imagine the horror when they met my child picking up groceries for me in the local supermarket (also less than 5 mins away and can be seen from my garden).
Sheltering kids does them no favours.

[quote mathanxiety]@Cameleongirlame, some big city American universities do orientation weeks which include teaching incoming freshmen how to use public transport.[/quote]
@mathanxiety Seriously?😂 DD has used public transport in other places so she has some idea, but it doesn’t surprise me that many American teens wouldn’t have. I recently mentioned buses to some other Moms and no one would contemplate letting their teen use them. Very different to my upbringing in the UK!

All parents are different ,at 13 I wasn't allowed to go to the local park on my own or with friends as my dad didn't think it was safe, known for drug dealing. I could go into town with friends but would usually get picked up if we were there till late evening. This was just as phones were becoming more mainstream.

We have neighbours across the road with a child aged 7 and 5, the 5 year old knows our dd from preschool and wants to play. The 7 year old has knocked on for our dd a few times and I have found it strange that her mum or dad hadn't accompanied her, particularly the first time as we don't know the parents. I would be happy for them to play in our garden at the back or even front. I am not OK with them going off with both kids to play in other parts of the estate or local park for a few reasons. Firstly because I think they are too young and secondly because I think a 7 year old is too young to have sole responsibility for so many kids. They didn't want to play in our back garden and mine aren't allowed out front unsupervised yet so it was a no go. The neighbour is happy for her 7 year old to look after her younger sister and go to different parts of the estate without an adult which is her choice bit I wouldn't let her have responsibility for my children. My two are 5 and 4. My 5 year old dd would probably be fine but my ds would run off in the opposite direction at the earliest opportunity. I don't care if it makes me that parent, my priority is my own kids safety not entertaining someone else's kids. I would happily have them over for an organised playmate but am heavily pregnant so am not up to it just yet.

I agree to a certain extent, secondary school seems to change everything here but before that there’s not enough freedom. My eldest (who is 12) is lucky enough to have a best mate whose parents have the same attitude, so that’s all good.