Page 10 | Kids not allowed to do... anything

QueenoftheFarts · 30/08/2021 17:56

YANBU. Check out the parents uni discussion pages on Facebook. Mobbed with parents who have not prepared their kids for leaving home.... I despair.

bemusedmoose · 30/08/2021 18:20

Completely not unreasonable! Kids are packed in bloody cotton wool with no ability to function without their smother puppeting them.

I raised mine from small to work out money and pay for small things when we shop, to read the bus time tables and plan journeys and to always have a back up plan so that when it came time for them to have some freedom they wouldn't be lost and I wouldnt be worried they couldn't do it.

They climb trees, scoot without crash gear and have learnt to cook - yes using the oven and the hob! As a result they are careful knowledgeable kids who can manage daily tasks and emergency situations (i got sent to A&E so oldest in cooked some snacks and the youngest ordered macky d's on just eat!) while my mum got over there just incase I was ages - turned out they didn't need her there at all!

Smothered kids really struggle! Plus they are annoyingly usless to try and deal with as another parent or for anyone in hospitality or retail! Raising kids isn't all good grades and staying unscathed - they need real life experience, to know their own boundaries and capabilities, to make mistakes and learn from them. They need to be people in their own right, not a vessel for parents to live through or control.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/08/2021 18:29

Not really, mine got pretty independent from 11. Maybe you live somewhere particularly dangerous?

marktayloruk · 30/08/2021 18:47

I have wondered if it's mere coincidence that parent and paranoid begin with the same three letters.

Hlgwsbytktu · 30/08/2021 18:56

My eldest just going into year 6. He will be waking home himself but we do live close by. Over the next year I will give him more independence, such as going to the corner shop etc.
My peeve at the moment is we have just had 6 weeks off school and they've seen NOONE.
I've contacted multiple parents, some work, some do not, and none have been forthcoming to let the kids see each other. I don't think they've seen anyone else either. Everyone seems determined to enjoy family time, but not allowing the kids to interact with their friends and people their own age!! I'm not particularly looking forward to seeing those parents at the school gates because they haven't had to witness my kids crying their eyes out because I don't know why their parents don't want to see them!

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 30/08/2021 19:06

@Boatonthehorizon

We completely believe you. My 20yo struggles to get friends to come out as their parents are too cautious. Her social life still doesnt exist unless parentally arranged and the few times Ive insisted, that she just arranges things directly with the same age friend, then the parents (different ones, a few times) have had hard words to me / acted like she's an unwanted guest / that the young peoples outing is rudely inconvenient to their family schedule / that their daughter just prefers to stay at home.

All these examples the young adults are at uni but live at home.

WTF???? Are you kidding??? 20 years old?????? What (and I cannot emphasise this enough) the fuck is wrong with people?? Bloody hell!

Original poster

wtfisgoingon2021 · 30/08/2021 19:08

I don't live in a dangerous area or I wouldn't be letting my kids out.

People I went to school with always said this scheme was a great place to grow up as kids.
They place is sought after by family's who then in turn aren't making the most of it.

We have a really great park round the corner and close to a retail park with cinema shops food places within short walking distance.

My partner jokes that even the dogs here get driven for their walks

OP posts:

Dnaltocs · 30/08/2021 19:11

This is about the parents need.
I worked with a mum who phoned her university student child every time the child was due at lectures. That was 5 years ago. That same child is now a teacher in a school. I’m sure the mum will have a copy of her time table to ensure she doesn’t miss a class.

One of my huge irritation is - Parents who do their children’s assignments, is this not teaching them theft.

When will parents let their children breathe. Yes they will make mistakes that’s how they learn.

I can understand not taking a lift in cars just now remembering Covid is still rife.

Cameleongirl · 30/08/2021 19:15

The examples of 20 year olds are truly scary, how on earth are they going to turn into functioning adults?! Their parents are doing them no favors at all.

MurielSpriggs · 30/08/2021 19:22

My partner jokes that even the dogs here get driven for their walks grin

I got a horrified reaction recently when, in an unguarded moment, I mentioned the existence of a cat flap in our house. Apparently cat flaps are an abomination and no responsible cat owners would let their cat come and go as it pleases. To quote a common Mumsnet warning: anything could happen. If they go outside at all it should be under supervision! I think we escaped being reported to the RSPCA, but we are now regarded with suspicion.

CatsArePeople · 30/08/2021 19:22

On Mumsnet you will get extremes. At 15 they're not allowed to go to a corner shop, but at 16 they must get a job and pay rent to their parents.

On a serious note, its down to personal cirsumstances. My two older DC had a pretty much normal - playing out, going to friends houses, etc. There were plenty of other kids their age around. Now my youngest is 7, and... there no more kids around. For some reason - families have moved away, or their kids are teenagers and young adults. So... all his time with friends has to be planned and arranged, and etc. It's shit but what can we do?

Mirw · 30/08/2021 19:34

Even though our local woods were a dumping ground for girls and women who were raped/murdered when I was a young person, nobody stopped us going out and about on our own. We did sometimes need a lift to and from town as it was 4 miles away and buses stopped at 6.00pm. Seeing my nieces and nephews growing up, thankfully my brothers have taken the same approach with their children and they are streetwise and independent, compared to some of their friends who still have no idea what things cost, how to order in a cafe or how to get on a bus...

Shadedog · 30/08/2021 19:34

YANBU. Check out the parents uni discussion pages on Facebook. Mobbed with parents who have not prepared their kids for leaving home.... I despair.

I read an “Oxford parents” thread on another forum as dd is applying this year. It’s 95% batshit with parents micromanaging and organising everything. I know it’s been an odd year open day wise with civid but these are bright 17 year olds and their dads are asking about what the food is like in X college and is Y college good for someone who like netball (followed by long humblebrag about how they are just off to pick up child from one supra curricular and drive them to the next while they absorb themselves in reading a quantum mechanics textbook for fun).

Polkadots2021 · 30/08/2021 19:35

@Wtfisgoingon2021

Name changed as know I will probably get flamed for this.

But I just feel like no one allows their children to do anything anymore.
They will have zero resilience.

All of my children's friends sit in their rooms on Xbox's cause the parents don't want them to be out playing.
They all get driven to the local school, which is a 10 min walk and their is not even any parent parking.
My eldest is 13 and if she wants friends round it's to be 100 messages with the parents as if I'm arranging a play date for a 3 year old.
We live a short walk from the cinema with one road to cross again my 13yo allowed to go with friends and her 3 friends not allowed must be driven in someone's car.

They are only a few years off leaving school and they can't even place an order at McDonald's themselves. (I worked their moons ago and there was nothing more frustrating than young teens who had no idea how to speak for themselves or use money!!)
It seem they are being done a great misjustice and I'm constantly being made to feel a shit mum for trying to empower and grow confidence in my child.
Honesty does anyone relate to me ??

Not really, because they've lived through a global pandemic which is pretty hardcore . Im all for resilience but knowing how to count coins in McDonalds isn't really what I'd imagine counts in building a resilient spirit. I get what you're saying but when I build resilience in teens I coach (sport) there's a lot of hard losses, not being picked for a team, sacrificing social lives, not qualifying for something they dedicate themselves to, and so on. That's pretty hard for them to take and they need to develop very thick skin. I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't know their way around McDs or had someone to cross the road with them, they'll be doing all that in a flash the second they're at uni or get a bit older and move out.

Moelwynbach · 30/08/2021 20:23

My son is 5. I know its not old but I do let him do things to make him feel more independent like asking how much things are and counting iut money. He can make decisions about when to cross a road, put a wash on and wash up. He helos do the garden, the bins and when we are at festivals can go to the toilet alone with me watching from a big distance. Kids need life skills.

Nearly47 · 30/08/2021 20:31

YANBU, one thing that I don't understand is futebol teams where the parents are the one responsible to remember training and matches where the coaches mainly comunicate with the parents. Kids don't have an active participation, usually have no idea when matches are just taken to and from matches. I don't know if its just my kids teams but really gets to me because I remember my mom having very little to do with my out of school activities. I knew dates and details and maybe would get a lift.

Mommabear20 · 30/08/2021 20:36

Unfortunately this is becoming more and more normal 🤦‍♀️ I for one won't be waiting on my kids hand and foot once they're able to do things themselves, they will be! That's not to say I won't help them if I see them genuinely struggling or ask for my help, but kids of lol ages are capable of a lot more than most grown ups give them credit for.

eeyore228 · 30/08/2021 21:06

@ Wtfisgoingon2021 DD is 12. She walks to school on her own and has done for the last year. She has her key. She walks to town with her friends and a short message to confirm parents have agreed to a sleepover is all we need. I like to have parents numbers just so I have a contact. DD can do a laundry wash. She gets herself up and makes her own lunch etc. I totally agree that some are allowed very little freedom but I don't care if people comment on our arrangements. I need to know she can look after herself and knows how to seek assistance if she needs it. It's a learning curve and an important one at that. She's got her own bank account with internet banking to teach her to look after money too. You are not alone!

DameAlyson · 30/08/2021 21:14

I remember some time back there was a thread here posted by an OP whose 15yo dd and friend had gone to the shop. They were gone longer than expected - turned out they'd bumped into another girl they knew and had stayed chatting. They weren't out late and hadn't gone off to another part of town or anything. The thread was all about what punishment or consequences, such as grounding, would be appropriate for not coming straight back from the shop.

Twittootwat · 30/08/2021 21:24

Back when I ran a business I was always shocked by the amount of parents that would walk in off the street or phone us asking if we had part time jobs for their teenagers who were nowhere to be seen. I just didn’t understand how they thought that came across?

CatsArePeople · 30/08/2021 21:37

Back when I ran a business I was always shocked by the amount of parents that would walk in off the street or phone us asking if we had part time jobs for their teenagers who were nowhere to be seen. I just didn’t understand how they thought that came across?

Where i come from, job market really did not favour young people. Only chance to get a job for a teenager was if parents organized it via their acquaintances.

WTAFhappened123 · 30/08/2021 22:49

Depends on where you live! I live in a town in Kent with lots of London kids (gangs) stealing bikes, phones from local kids. Their ‘members’ travel down to meet the newly placed housing tenants and then target nice areas. Of course they come armed. Not enough police to deal with them either

MummyMayo1988 · 30/08/2021 23:03

You are definitely NBU!
My eldest son is going off to secondary school next week. Its been a nerve-racking time for us. He's been on and in about walking himself up to our little local shop - a five minute walk with one main road to cross - all year. We finally let him go a few months ago. Then just a few weeks ago, it was; "Can I get the bus into town with my friend?" I am thankfully good friends with the other mum and we agreed that they were ready for this big step. We each tracked their phones on ours - constantly refreshing the page to see where they were. They got food, milkshakes and came home. DS came in the door beaming from ear to ear. He's since done it 2 more times.
We were SO PROUD.
Personally; I think its all about recognising your child is ready and making a judgement call. We don't want to knock his confidence in any way.
Letting go is part of it.

Hankunamatata · 30/08/2021 23:06

Really. I dont even know parents if my dc13 friends

Pigwig10 · 30/08/2021 23:20

YADNBU. My 13 year old & 15 yr old able to order online and in person. Very able and self sufficient.