Kids not allowed to do... anything

[Wtfisgoingon2021]

Name changed as know I will probably get flamed for this.

But I just feel like no one allows their children to do anything anymore.
They will have zero resilience.

All of my children's friends sit in their rooms on Xbox's cause the parents don't want them to be out playing.
They all get driven to the local school, which is a 10 min walk and their is not even any parent parking.
My eldest is 13 and if she wants friends round it's to be 100 messages with the parents as if I'm arranging a play date for a 3 year old.
We live a short walk from the cinema with one road to cross again my 13yo allowed to go with friends and her 3 friends not allowed must be driven in someone's car.

They are only a few years off leaving school and they can't even place an order at McDonald's themselves. (I worked their moons ago and there was nothing more frustrating than young teens who had no idea how to speak for themselves or use money!!)
It seem they are being done a great misjustice and I'm constantly being made to feel a shit mum for trying to empower and grow confidence in my child.
Honesty does anyone relate to me ??

Yanbu

I agree.

YANBU.

I can't believe you see my point been feeling so alone in this!

I think your experience is pretty rare to be honest. Just look at the many posts here reassuring others that once they're at secondary school you never really get to know parents or arrange things.

That's not my experience of DD and her friends.

I’m sure there are a lot of children like this but mine is Mr Independent and always has been really. He’s going into year 8 and is planning to go to Starbucks 3x a week to do his homework while he waits for his bus. He’s already planned to buy a reusable cup as it’ll save him 25p a drink 😂. He’d much rather have the responsibility of getting himself to the places he wants to go than be ferried around. Last night he cooked a BBQ at our friends’ house and ‘worked’ their home bar.

I know a few parents who are like this but luckily they're not the majority.

YANBU My SIL asked me for a water bottle leaving my house the other day because she was taking her 14 year old son to Rugby training and "I forgot to pack water for him". He's 14 and can't even sort out his own fucking water bottle for training. He could have walked to training in 15 minutes or so but again, driven. YANBU.

I dont find this at all.
I have a 12 year old who is currently out somewhere with his group of friends. He'll be home for 8 and make his own tea when he gets in.
He makes his own way to school on the bus and I have no direct contact with friends parents unless it's checking for a sleepover last minute or similar. All his friends are the same.
Thats not to say I am not involved. I know where all his friends live, the rough area they'll be hanging out, have all his passwords and check his phone regularly to make sure he's only talking to people he knows. But he's going into year 8, he needs some independence.

Completely agree! I am deliberately trying to stand back and let my kids get on with things themselves. I'm a bit of a control freak so it's not easy - but I sit on my hands and let them stumble through things themselves.

My eldest is 13 and middle one is 12. Both make their own arrangements to see friends, walk to school alone, meet up and go to cinema/fair/etc, catch buses and trains alone. We are in London where lots of public transport means it is normal for secondary school kids to make their own way to school though

YANBU. It is hard though. The geography of different areas makes it difficult to have blanket guidelines about these things. Going out to play where I live is possible as it's a quiet cul-de-sac - not as easy for everyone.

I try to get mine to order in cafes etc, they are only just starting to get into using money to pay for things tbh.

I do think children need to stand on their own two feet a bit, as adults we need to scaffold this, but in these days of mobile phones it's so easy to be contactable and help in a crisis. I hope I will allow my children to meet a friend, go to the pictures, go to town on the bus etc once they are secondary age, knowing I can contact them and vice versa.

YANBU in that children you describe will struggle.
However my experience isn’t the same as yours… the cohort I know at that age are allowed a fair amount of independence.

I live in Ireland and I see loads of kids walking to school without an adult, playing out, going on bike rides etc.

You are right and they are wrong. Overprotecting kids is pathetic, obesity and anxiety are huge issues for teens. When mummy tells you how dangerous everything is and never lets you out on your bike/rollerblades/scooter fat, anxious teens will happen.

I find that my 13yo dd is the only one using public transport, and well-meaning parents keep giving her lifts home. They find it hard to believe (or possibly disapprove) that I prefer she develop independence, and equally I find it odd that they’re chauffeuring their young teens around in London when the public transport is excellent.

Similarly, she packs her own clothes for holidays, cooks some family meals, manages her own homework and sorts out her own social life (though I do know where she will be, and with whom). All of these things seem relatively rare in her peers.

Its a job of parents to teach skills . I totally relate to what you are saying.

Yanbu this definitely is a worrying trend. I get my 3 year old to tidy his toys and help make his bed each day. When he is a bit older I will definitely let him play out alone and will try to raise him to be independent. His dad learnt to drive at 17 then just got on with being an adult and relocated in his early twenties. He's a good role model for ds to have as he grows up.

I live in a very child friendly area my youngest plays out with some of the younger kids occasionally although it's usually in my back garden.

My 13yo has 3 friends who live in our street. There is a park round the corner said kids not allowed there or for a short time while mum walks dog close by...

The last time I tried a sleepover 2 of the kids had to be collected early...

I live in a very nice ex council scheme in Scotland. It's a small town we are close to lots of local amenities which I think kids/ young teens could access alone without being far from home.

It's not my experience. DC and their friends are generally pretty independent.

I totally agree.

I get so pissed off with the lifts thing. DD's friend's parents are always giving her lifts to and from places and it makes me feel bad even though they absolutely don't need them. I don't have a car at the moment but even if I did I'd expect dd to walk with a friend in to town etc. And planning buses and trains is part of growing up.

But I wouldn't want her doing it alone and the friend's parents insist on chauffeuring their little darlings everywhere so dd has no one to travel with unless she takes the lift.

She had a friend over recently (15 almost 16) and the number absolutely grilled me on the doorstep checking I'd be home all night, wouldn't let them out, would call her with any problems, asking what dinner arrangements were... I hadn't planned to even get off the sofa but was summoned to the door

Mother*

@helentomelon i am 100 the same on the lift thing I've actually had to tell my child to refuse lifts.
She was recently invited to a sleep over approx 6 streets away, when I mentioned I would walk her round (although she could of walked herself) the mum would not take no for an answer about picking her up!