Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Kids not allowed to do... anything

321 replies

Wtfisgoingon2021 · 29/08/2021 14:22

Name changed as know I will probably get flamed for this.

But I just feel like no one allows their children to do anything anymore.
They will have zero resilience.

All of my children's friends sit in their rooms on Xbox's cause the parents don't want them to be out playing.
They all get driven to the local school, which is a 10 min walk and their is not even any parent parking.
My eldest is 13 and if she wants friends round it's to be 100 messages with the parents as if I'm arranging a play date for a 3 year old.
We live a short walk from the cinema with one road to cross again my 13yo allowed to go with friends and her 3 friends not allowed must be driven in someone's car.

They are only a few years off leaving school and they can't even place an order at McDonald's themselves. (I worked their moons ago and there was nothing more frustrating than young teens who had no idea how to speak for themselves or use money!!)
It seem they are being done a great misjustice and I'm constantly being made to feel a shit mum for trying to empower and grow confidence in my child.
Honesty does anyone relate to me ??

OP posts:

Newbabynewhouse · 29/08/2021 17:53

@Historyfan

Omg that's so bad.. that is abuse in my eyes.. she is being controlled...

Driftingblue · 29/08/2021 17:53

My 13yo spent the last year and a half being homeschooled because of Covid and only seeing people in our pod. (A pod is a group of families in a similar isolation situation, ideally with similarly aged children which we were lucky to find). We have medical reasons for taking this extreme. We are starting to branch out a bit now that she is vaccinated and it is very obvious that she has missed a key developmental time. She has barely been allowed inside a store since March 2020. We were in one recently and I asked her if she could start the purchase and she just froze. I realized that she has absolutely no idea how things work because she completely missed the age where she would have really learned these things solo. So yes, we are going to have to hold her hand a bit longer and slowly introduce her to things. It’s not like it can be fast either. Our family still rarely goes inside anywhere unless absolutely necessary (again, we have a medical situation others don’t have to deal with) so almost everything gets delivered. Visits with friends require parent rides so parents have to be involved. Right now we are focusing on learning to bring what she needs when she goes out. I make a checklist and put it by the door and still have to remind her since it’s all so new. We literally just re-entered life 2 weeks ago.

tigger1001 · 29/08/2021 17:54

"Ride share with people you know, workmates or neighbors. This is a pandemic if you were not aware? The Spanish Flu wiped out 5% of the worlds population, this will double that easily."

Because people you know can't spread covid? Public transport here (live in the country) has been quiet. Often my son is the only passenger on the bus.

Also he needs to get a school bus daily - that one is busy but it's the only way to school.

Not everything needs to be about covid.

Historyfan · 29/08/2021 17:57

[quote Newbabynewhouse]@Historyfan

Omg that's so bad.. that is abuse in my eyes.. she is being controlled...[/quote]
I tried to gently talk to her about it (my son knew I was going to-I didn’t do it behind his back)
All I got back was ‘but mum…’
She just doesn’t want anything to change I guess-it’s all she knows

Travielkapelka · 29/08/2021 17:59

I actually don’t believe you. I believe this might be possible early year 7 but definitely not with 13 year olds

Bumpsadaisie · 29/08/2021 18:00

Round here (rural Cumbria so hardly street wise!) kids tend to get the bus together to our local towns for cinema/shopping/mcDs some time after starting year 7 - so age 11.

Mine has just turned 12 and I facilitate her social life now but don't organise it in detail with other parents.

Tend just to be on WhatsApp with the other parents and just keeping in touch with each other - eg "hi there just to let you know the kids are back from town and Freddie is at ours now - let me know if you want me to send him home!"

Freddie would have his own phone and hopefully would be letting his mum know anyway.

AustralianDad7 · 29/08/2021 18:01

@Neverrains

A cure… for a virus? I fear you may be waiting a while. In the meantime we have excellent vaccines and treatments.

yes it is not rocket science to create a cure for a virus, just chemistry and some biology thrown in. Think about it, how many billionaires or famous people have died from COVID... why is that?

Neverrains · 29/08/2021 18:02

So you’re saying there’s already a cure, but only rich and famous people are allowed to access it?

Itawapuddytat · 29/08/2021 18:02

I think it depends to where to where you are. Our experience is different, DC1 (same age as yours) just came back from a weekend Scouts camp, he walks to school (about 20+ minutes walk, most other children walk to school too or take the bus or the train). He goes out to meet his friends locally, they go to the park/town/shops together, they go to play together, visit each other etc They can organize it all themselves. DC2 plays all day in the street with other children, they go to each other's gardens and houses, we have a playpark nearby and it's full of kids playing there - the only parents there are those with the kids younger than 5. mine can walk to the local shop with older friend and "buy something", we take DC to school but the last few minutes of the walk they are on their own (well, there are other kids walking to school, so not completely on their own ) We are in Scotland too, more like in the "suburbs" of a big city.

I always see lots of kids (teens) on the bus or train going to school/coming home, in shops and cafes, hanging around in the local parks, especially as the weather is so nice, so they are definitely out and about without the parents

LondonJax · 29/08/2021 18:03

DS is 14 and walks to school. He goes from school with friends once a week to hang out at the local park. They all go to the supermarket and get sandwiches etc (they have a hot meal at school), hang out together then most parents pick them up later about 7.30pm.

The only reason for the pick up is his friends live 10-15 miles away and the buses are country side ones - so one a week (ha ha, though that's not a jest in one area which only has a bus on Thursdays... but I digress...)

He also goes the local gym with a friend or on his own once a week as they do an under 16s session until 6pm weekdays.

Cinema we tend to take him and pick him up as, as previously mentioned, buses are rubbish here and our nearest cinema is 10 miles away. Our buses have been cut to one every two hours to that town. Once he gets to the town there used to be a bus that ran on to and from the cinema until 10.30pm (or a 20 minutes walk which goes through an industrial estate in a town which has a teenage gang problem). That bus is now finishing at 5.30pm with no buses on Sunday!

He's also just started the Duke of Edinburgh award so he's helping a local charity for his volunteering.

Oh and he does all the ordering at McDonalds! Ha ha. Seriously though, we've always made him ask in shops if he wants something when we're out. When we do go by train or bus I always get him to work out the best bus etc for us so he understands how timetables work and he asks the driver for his fare. Has done since he was in primary school. If we're in London I take an old A-Z and he has to work out how to get to places - you can't rely on a signal for Google Maps all the time.

I started work at 16 years old (taking a train, the underground then a walk through parts of London) so, to my mind, DS has a couple of years to master all of this.

YANBU

GintyMcGinty · 29/08/2021 18:03

[quote Boatonthehorizon]@GintyMcGinty Where do you live? USA?[/quote]
Scotland

AustralianDad7 · 29/08/2021 18:04

@Neverrains

Ride share with people you know, workmates or neighbors. This is a pandemic if you were not aware? The Spanish Flu wiped out 5% of the worlds population, this will double that easily

Yes… I’ve been aware for the past 19 months. Been through 3 lockdowns, 2 lengthy school closures, lost most of my income. Had Covid, plus 2 vaccines.
Things pretty close to normal back here in England now, thankfully. Just got back from a couple of weeks visiting family in Spain. Tricky to get a lift share to Spain!

good to hear you are back in England, so glad I am in western Australia.

AustralianDad7 · 29/08/2021 18:08

@Neverrains

So you’re saying there’s already a cure, but only rich and famous people are allowed to access it?

well if they are getting COVID which they apparently are not, then they must be getting a cure because I heard no famous people dying from it.

Original poster

Wtfisgoingon2021 · 29/08/2021 18:08

@Travielkapelka

I actually don’t believe you. I believe this might be possible early year 7 but definitely not with 13 year olds

I wish it wasn't true as I was really struggling with my 13yo social life over the summer holiday

OP posts:

MurielSpriggs · 29/08/2021 18:09

yes it is not rocket science to create a cure for a virus, just chemistry and some biology thrown in. Think about it, how many billionaires or famous people have died from COVID... why is that?

Ahhhh, ok.

AustralianDad7 · 29/08/2021 18:10

@tigger1001

"Ride share with people you know, workmates or neighbors. This is a pandemic if you were not aware? The Spanish Flu wiped out 5% of the worlds population, this will double that easily."

Because people you know can't spread covid? Public transport here (live in the country) has been quiet. Often my son is the only passenger on the bus.

Also he needs to get a school bus daily - that one is busy but it's the only way to school.

Not everything needs to be about covid.

plenty of schools shutting down due to COVID.. bus will not be busy then

Original poster

Wtfisgoingon2021 · 29/08/2021 18:13

My thread has been infected with COVID

OP posts:

AustralianDad7 · 29/08/2021 18:14

[quote Newbabynewhouse]@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Ahh fair enough! I hadn't realised.. I'm actually unaware now of how covid is affecting other countries as spent the first 6 months with news on constantly I knew everything! Then realised it wasn't good for me so stopped watching the news.. my way of coping now is to keep sanitizing hands in between washes and keep from being too close to people .. also been double vaccinated, not much more I can do now[/quote]
I am thankful COVID has not reached western Australia yet...

GintyMcGinty · 29/08/2021 18:14

@Wtfisgoingon2021

My thread has been infected with COVID

And tinfoil hat syndrome too

Neverrains · 29/08/2021 18:16

plenty of schools shutting down due to COVID.. bus will not be busy then

I mean… we’re well aware of that over here. Our schools were closed to most pupils from March- September 2020, and then from Jan-March 2021. We’ve also had plenty of popped bubbles in school and resulting isolations due to cases. You’re talking as though it’s back in March 2020 and we’ve only just heard of Covid.

In terms of famous people who have died of covid… a simple google search throws up quite a few.
However deaths are overwhelmingly amongst the very elderly, the obese and those with underlining conditions, which I suppose is why the current ‘rich and famous’ don’t make up a huge percentage of them.

Neverrains · 29/08/2021 18:16

@Wtfisgoingon2021

My thread has been infected with COVID

Boatonthehorizon · 29/08/2021 18:18

We completely believe you. My 20yo struggles to get friends to come out as their parents are too cautious.
Her social life still doesnt exist unless parentally arranged and the few times Ive insisted, that she just arranges things directly with the same age friend, then the parents (different ones, a few times) have had hard words to me / acted like she's an unwanted guest / that the young peoples outing is rudely inconvenient to their family schedule / that their daughter just prefers to stay at home.

All these examples the young adults are at uni but live at home.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 29/08/2021 18:19

I gave up inviting teens round when dd's friend (both 13) wasn't allowed to the ice cream shop literally at the end of our street with ds 18...
The same girl was allowed to the council free swim sessions but her dps drove her (not allowed on the free bus) and her df sat in the viewing area!!
The embarrassment!!

rainbowandglitter · 29/08/2021 18:20

I totally get this. My ds is now going into year 7 but none of his friends are allowed to the park or anywhere alone which means ds can't either (can't really go to the park alone). Very frustrating.

IHateScottBrick · 29/08/2021 18:26

Perhaps it’s best not to judge other people’s parenting. Your parenting style can depend a lot on your child’s personality and needs. My kids are still pre-schoolers but the older one lacks confidence and co-ordination and wants a lot of help with physical tasks while the younger one prefers to be independent.

Having said that I grew up in a rough part of London in the 90s/00s. From 11 I took 2 buses to school about 1 hour away, leaving and coming home in the dark in winter. My friends lived all over the city so we mostly met up in the centre. My parents didn’t have a car so we walked everywhere or used public transport. We had basic phones but didn’t really use them. Sometimes bad things happened but on the whole we learnt quickly to avoid situations and people that might be dangerous, and we were fine. As a parent I think you have to trust that you’ve raised your kid to be smart and sensible enough to do that.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 12 13