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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend has decided to charge me to stay

999 replies

ploomo · 29/08/2021 13:25

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OP posts:

TatianaBis · 29/08/2021 14:24

If you want to make them feel guilty you could cancel saying that you:
‘totally understand their reasons for wanting to charge, however unfortunately you’d already spent a considerable amount on presents for them, and you just can’t afford the rent on top of that.’

RitaFires · 29/08/2021 14:24

@HasaDigaEebowai

Sorry but I think you were the CF. They invited you to visit them and you invited someone else. Who does that?

I agree with this. They might have agreed to the friend because they felt put on the spot but it changed from you visiting them to you using their accommodation and bringing a friend to entertain you.

Yes they shouldn't have sprung the payment on you but they might not be happy at providing a free holiday for you and a friend when they could have made money from renting out that week.

Pinkbrush · 29/08/2021 14:24

I’d pull out completely because I wouldn’t really enjoy being in their company if i feel i’ve not been treated fairly. They’re taking the mick! Say you’re worried about Covid and having second thoughts about the trip… then book yourself a trip elsewhere with your friend!

Gensola · 29/08/2021 14:26

I wouldn’t go - that’s a ridiculous price for staying somewhere where you also have to be a good guest and be nice to people/pay for food for them.

bringbacksideburns · 29/08/2021 14:28

I wouldn't go. I don't know how you can go from saying it's free to charging you £500!!

They sound mean. If they were strapped for cash, struggling and you were all staying in the same house then maybe they may have had a point as you added a friend on.

Go somewhere else. No way I'd be going.
With my good friends they are incredibly generous. Are people really like this and why is it always very well off people?

tillytoodles1 · 29/08/2021 14:28

We stayed at a holiday home with some friends, their friends who we don't know, owned the place where we were. They charged us half of the weekly rent as they always allowed their friends to stay for free. We all thought is was a bargain.

TatianaBis · 29/08/2021 14:28

Yes they shouldn't have sprung the payment on you but they might not be happy at providing a free holiday for you and a friend when they could have made money from renting out that week.

I don’t disagree I think it was a bit cheeky of the OP, but as I said before the point at which to ask for rent was when OP originally asked if she could bring her friend.

Turning round at the last minute is really off.

Zombiemum1946 · 29/08/2021 14:29

After your second post, I'd be even more inclined to cancel. As I said, politely decline maybe say thanks but you'll see them another time. They'll have no problem filling the week with a full price booking . Whether you can afford to pay the charges or not is beside the point.

Taoneusa · 29/08/2021 14:30

The situation has turned sour, so I’d back out.

Unless you know them well enough to say “oof! Have I offended You?! I feel uncomfortable with your changing the situation… are we actually welcome only as paying guests?”

Guiltypleasures001 · 29/08/2021 14:30

This daily Mail fodder

Gerwurtztraminer · 29/08/2021 14:31

You asked if she could come, they had chance to say no but said fine, then changed minds. And made the charge a greedy amount. I don't understand people saying the £500 is OK because they could have rented it out for more. It was never going to be rented out for that week because you were going to be in it. Yes maybe a 2nd person adds a little extra cost but not £500.

So now it depends how much you want to retain the friendship -

go and pay the £500 and not ask friend for contribution
go, and ask friend to go halves
cancel (and tell then you can't afford it) maybe do nice day trips with friend instead
OR... to be a bit provocative - ask if you come by yourself will the charge still apply (if yes, well obviously don't go but it rather puts them on the spot)

If you do go and are paying, then definitely don't take the gifts. They have turned it into a transactional arrangement and you don't take gifts when renting someone's holiday let, even at a discount.

If it was me I wouldn't be able to go as it will have soured to the whole thing for me and I couldn't be able to look them in the eye less alone socialise and have fun.

YNK · 29/08/2021 14:31

I think you looked a gift horse in the mouth when you invited another person.
It sounds like your hosts wanted your company and by taking along someone else they may have realised seeing them was not the point of your visit.
Or perhaps their accountant pulled them up on their generosity - ask them.

Original poster

ploomo · 29/08/2021 14:32

@Gensola

I wouldn’t go - that’s a ridiculous price for staying somewhere where you also have to be a good guest and be nice to people/pay for food for them.

That's the rub, isn't it, Gensola? We won't have the complete freedom we'd have had if we'd just booked a holiday cottage and it seems we'll also be expected to spend the last hours there deep-cleaning the place. And of course I'd already said we'd take our own duvets and pillows and bedlinen because, thinking this was a free offer, I wanted to make it as painless as possible for them. It does feel too tainted to be a happy time.

They thought you wanted to go and see them like you have done in the past.
I have never visited before. They have invited me several times but I've never been able to fit a visit in since they moved in nearly five years ago.

On reflection, they have realised there is a lost opportunity cost to them of £1000 which is a lot of money for anyone to turn down. I don’t see why you can’t tell your friend that you got it wrong and have a friends rate not a freebie.
But surely they would have lost that money if I had been staying there on my own? Nothing's changed. Do you think they would have given me a bill if I'd arrived on my own? They have had other friends and family stay in the cottage for free over the summer. And I suspect that £1,000 isn't a lot of money for them. Shall we just say that they were quite upset when their pension funds reached a million quid and they were no longer able to get tax relief... I am not badly off and I can afford £500 and the whisky etc without having to worry, but I'm not in their financial league. If I was I would have stayed in a very nice hotel and visited them, not self-catered!

OP posts:

Lightisnotwhite · 29/08/2021 14:32

I would cancel.
I ‘d say that my friend feels bad that they’ve put me in the position of renter and it’s all got a bit awkward. I would say that Il’ll drop in and see them ( so they don’t feel used).

Will they still be able to let it out though? Maybe they will be miffed they are losing the £500 and potentially another £500 that they coukd have got for it.

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 29/08/2021 14:34

Don't go. £500 is ridiculous and greedy
There are more interesting places to visit and not be taken advantage of
CF

Givemethatknife · 29/08/2021 14:34

Well - they knew they weren’t making money because you’d be there, so - while I can understand they might feel a bit iffy about you bringing a friend, because you aren’t really going to holiday with them - it’s not reasonable for them to ask for so much, having said OK.

I’d have a quick look for an air bnb alternative as I would prefer not to stay with them in your shoes - but you are probably talking at least 700 for sept. If you can’t swing that then suck it up and ask your friend for half - if she can afford her other holiday she could afford that. Keep the expensive presents for Christmas. Take some wine for dinner, spend the minimum time with them.

TopBlogger · 29/08/2021 14:34

Dear CF Friend,
Thanks for your email. Goodness me, electricity (and whatever else they said in the email) are expensive in Settle!
I have contacted my friend and asked to split the cost. I will let you know when she replies. But if in the meantime you get an offer to rent it out, I will fully understand you going with that.
@ploomo

Taoneusa · 29/08/2021 14:35

You’ve never stayed there.

Is it possible you aren’t as close to them as the friends and family who have stayed there for free?

1992EM · 29/08/2021 14:35

If it rents for £1000, I think they are still allowing you to go free but are charging your friend (who I assume they don't know) . To be honest it is a bit cheeky to invite someone along to get a free holiday when you were going to see them and they invited you. They might see it as you taking advantage of their offer and hospitality. They are losing out on a weeks rent as a result.

In terms of your friend I would be honest and say they now are wanting money and ask them to pay half . No need for the whisky now though .

Lightisnotwhite · 29/08/2021 14:35

Sorry just read your update.

Well being tight is how some people stay rich I guess .

TatianaBis · 29/08/2021 14:35

I have never visited before. They have invited me several times but I've never been able to fit a visit in since they moved in nearly five years ago.

In that case I can see why they were offended. However I don’t think the reaction to being offended should have been to charge you.

MyFloorIsLava · 29/08/2021 14:35

I reckon there's a good chance they were always going to charge you last minute.

ChronicallyMe · 29/08/2021 14:36

Would you have been staying in the cottage in their garden if your friend wasn’t there or would you have been in the main house?

NewlyGranny · 29/08/2021 14:37

Ouch! That changed things. I'd be inclined to guilt trip them a bit by photographing the bits you've already bought as thank yous and tell them what you've spent. Lay it on about having told the friend it was free to them and feeling you'd have to shoulder the whole cost yourself. Tell them you're having second thoughts about coming at all and feeling rather flat and foolish about the whole thing, considering booking you and friend somewhere else instead.

See if they respond generously. But make it the last time, if you do go.

Livelovebehappy · 29/08/2021 14:37

I think had you just gone yourself, your friends wouldn’t have asked for the money. The invite was extended to you as a guest, but now you’ve invited someone else, it’s turned into more of a holiday thing. They may feel they’ve been taken advantage of.

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