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Original poster

Friend has decided to charge me to stay

999 replies

ploomo · 29/08/2021 13:25

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OP posts:
Liverbird77 · 29/08/2021 14:07

You sound like a very fair person. Buying what you've bought as gifts is way more generous than I'd expect!

I think the only way to go is to be totally honest with your friend. Perhaps ask of she'd still like to go or whether she'd prefer the two of you to look for a last minute deal.

Personally, there's no way I would be going now. £500 is taking the piss. I get that they charge to rent it and make a profit, but you're a friend who was invited. If they didn't want your friend to come they should have told you straight.

DrManhattan · 29/08/2021 14:08

No way would I be going. Tell them you aren't coming. They are soooo greedy. Nice friends.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/08/2021 14:09

I think that they should have been upfront and agreed to your proposal to pay them as soon as you said you were bringing your friend along.

Them saying "no don't worry" and then backtracking is pretty shitty of them.

BananasAreEvil · 29/08/2021 14:09

@charliebrown59

isn't this simple? You've got a friend they don't know, so effectively the £500 is the friend's fee - sounds like they decided they didn't need to give a free holiday to someone they didn't know.

I'd try not to fall out with them whatever you do.

I don't think it's clear who is at fault here, you were being a bit unreasonable to tag another friend they don't know into it when they're offering you a property they do usually rent out.

FWIW, I'd pay the £500, but not bring the gifts and have the other friend pay half the £500. You're not reasonably going to find another holiday for two for £500 at this notice.

I completely agree with this. The invitation was for you and they were happy not to charge you because you're their friend. If they usually charge other holiday makers for staying there, why should they give it to your mate, whom they never met, for free? They changed the goalpost, but only in response to you changing the goalpost first. Having said that, £500 is a lot, it's not just to cover costs.
Just10moreminutesplease · 29/08/2021 14:09

I’d cancel. It’s not that they want you to pay that’s the issue, it’s the fact that they refused your offer of payment and are now going back on their word. It’s incredibly rude.

Maybe tell them you could have budgeted for this if they had accepted your initial offer but now it is simply too late to find an additional £500.

CouldIhaveaword · 29/08/2021 14:10

If the usual fee is 1000 pounds, it sounds as though they have decided that you, as a friend, can come for free but your friend should pay full price ie half of the total bill.

She was probably a bit blindsided by your request and developed a spine when she reflected on the situation. I don't think that it is unreasonable.

FrankGrillosFloof · 29/08/2021 14:10

It’s already gone from free to £500. What happens if halfway through the week, they decide actually it’s £750 or £1000?

I’d just politely decline the whole thing.

And drink the whisky obvs.

IAmSuperman · 29/08/2021 14:11

I wouldn’t go. Although they may charge you a cancellation fee. 🤣 Weirdos.

SilverOtter · 29/08/2021 14:11

I wonder if they've had lots of people wanting to book the place? Maybe it's the combination of that plus the fact you've invited someone else.

Regardless, if I was in your shoes I'd be cancelling the gifts and cancelling the visit. It's very unfair to ask you for £500 this late in the day.

FreeBritnee · 29/08/2021 14:11

I think you should definitely explain the situation clearly to your friend and offer her the chance to back out if you needs to. It’s not your fault they’ve moved the goal posts. Then obviously return or keep the whisky and chalk it up to experience.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 29/08/2021 14:12

If I really wanted to stay in the cottage then I'd still go, but like previous posters have suggested, I'd try to return the whisky for a refund, cancel the food order and definitely tell the friend your going with that it will now be £250 each rental. There is absolutely no reason why you should be paying the full sum yourself, if your friend objects to paying £250 for a week away, then she is not much of a friend and you can cancel the whole thing.

DrManhattan · 29/08/2021 14:12

@MurielSpriggs
Agree 100%

MaMelon · 29/08/2021 14:12

I would make an excuse and say I can’t go now - that’s really cheeky of them. You asked if it was OK to bring your friend, they said it was fine and there wouldn’t be a cost, and now they’re trying to charge you £500 for a week’s utilities?! Nope, that’s not on. They should have told you that they’d need to charge you when you asked about bringing a friend.

ponyexpress22 · 29/08/2021 14:13

I'd certainly ask the friend for half. But greedy as they people are coming across, they're probably annoyed at you bringing the friend. For them it changes the whole dynamic of the visit. Your attention will probably be more focused on the friend than on them in their eyes.

Nixandwotsit · 29/08/2021 14:14

The more I think about it - I think they've spoiled the holiday anyway. If they were my friends I wouldn't feel the same about them now. Pay £500 and have that as the elephant in the room when you're having dinner with them, or going out to the pub. Giving them the presents but not feeling the love any more to treat them so generously. Cancelling the presents... Letting your mate know what's happened and having them feel awkward about it... All very uncomfortable so I'd cancel and be ready to lose the friendship. You and your friend could go somewhere else, even if it's not for as long, and have a nice time together.

Alwaystheplusone · 29/08/2021 14:15

They’re taking the living piss. Get a refund on the whiskey and cancel your stay with them.

DrManhattan · 29/08/2021 14:15

They can be pissed off at the friend coming but why not say that in the first place. They don't think much of the op imo.
Tell them to do one

lannistunut · 29/08/2021 14:16

I think I would back out, but I wouldn't say why, I would just make up an excuse. Then do something else with your friend, you have a £500 budget.

I have been on the receiving end of someone offering things and then later deciding to charge (a relative - they would say 'you can have this coat' and then a month later ask for £30, happened more than once) and I just stopped accepting anything from them because you need to know where you are at the time.

Sorry this has happened, how awkward!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 29/08/2021 14:16

cancel the order that hasn't arrived, see if you can return the whisky. Don't get them gifts or pay for a meal for everyone and you'll have saved a few hundred. They've changed this into a holiday rental which is their choice of course, but it changes things on your side too.

Chachachawoo · 29/08/2021 14:18

@MyFloorIsLava

I'd look for a decent budget hotel, even if it was a bit more expensive, and tell them to poke it.
Absolutely this. That is CFery in the extreme
thebeatingofthedrums · 29/08/2021 14:19

I think I'd tell your friend that something had come up with the holiday cottage, so you weren't able to stay there anymore. Then suggest going somewhere else together.

£500 would have been a fair offer had it been made upfront, but they back-peddled. I think it will taint the holiday - I'd look for an airBnB together somewhere else.

Delatron · 29/08/2021 14:20

Just cancel. Go somewhere of your choice with your friend. It’s a whole different situation now..They can’t make an offer and take it back later down the line. They’r in the wrong.

TatianaBis · 29/08/2021 14:20

It would have been ok if they’d asked for a contribution when you asked if you could bring a friend- it becomes more your holiday than you spending time with them. It’s ok to charge you mates rates for that. A bit tight but acceptable.

But to turn round at the last minute on what you and agreed is not ok.

As your friend was booked to go to Greece and it was cancelled I’d assume she could afford the £250 each.

But I’d be inclined to cancel on principle.

Journeynotdestination · 29/08/2021 14:22

I’d contact them and say you’d budgeted for not having to pay but really want to see them. Cancel & rearrange for a time you can go on your own and see them. Just be gracious. It’s obviously not sitting right with them this time for some reason, so I’d now feel super awkward about going this time anyway….

ChronicallyMe · 29/08/2021 14:23

I’d just politely decline and say whilst you were happy to pay when you asked that was over a month ago now and that £500 has already been allocated to something else and you can no longer afford that last minute but you hope you can see them at some point in the future.