Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

I think it’s a bit cheeky to say that you didn’t have to pay and then closer to the time backtrack and say oh we’ve decided there is a charge. At the time they could have said let us think about it and get back to you.

I’d be honest with the friend and if they are willing to go half then go and pay but if they aren’t then cancel.

I'd cancel

It sounds as though they possibly thought you were a bit of a cheeky fucker, but politely felt they couldn't take money after letting you stay for free in the past.

But they've now thought about it and are hoping you decline, so they can get the going rate of £1000.

They should've been a bit more honest at the start I think and you shouldn't have put them in that awkward position.

If you’re rich, heap burning coals on their heads by paying the £500, taking the whiskey and charcuterie and leaving your friend behind (as you can’t ask her to pay retrospectively).
Otherwise cancel fully and get a refund on the whiskey. Say your friend can’t afford her half but needs you so you will need to decline the invite to spend time with her at home.

I would cut my nose off to spite my face and not go at all.

Gosh that’s really unfair of them to spring this on you at this stage. I think if they had said at the outset- it’s our income/ pension so we have to charge you something as we are missing out on that week’s rental and will still have to pay utilities etc.
It wont cost £500 in utilities and washing /changing the linens and cleaning for a week so they are still making money off you, and maybe they have just got a bit greedy or resentful that you are bringing your friend and think they won’t get you to themselves for the week.
I’m not sure I’d be happy to go at all now .
Is it too late to cancel?
If not I wouldn’t be bringing any special gifts - maybe just a bunch of flowers and nice chocolates and be seeing if I can return/cancel the whiskey and charcuterie.

@CanofCant

Yeah, perhaps they feel offended that their company isn't good enough for you and after stewing on it for a while feel taken advantage of and decided the only way forward is to treat it like a business transaction. Of course you know them and I'm only speculating.

Yes that's what I'm thinking (the stewing).

It's also possible one out of the couple was never happy with it and has now talked the other one round.

I'd cancel and if possible return the whiskey.

Is it one half of the couple that you usually communicate with? Do you think they might have said you could stay for free but then their husband/wife has found out and demanded that you pay?

I don’t think they’re unreasonable to charge you but are for going back on their previous offer. Is it the type of place you’d want to spend £500 on staying at or would you have chosen somewhere else knowing you’d have to pay?

I wouldnt go.Get refunds on your order and go somewhere else with your friend.

I agree with solitarytree that it’s not wrong for them to charge £500 per se but it is wrong of them to change their mind a month after saying they wouldn’t charge. If they had said this in the first place there wouldn’t be an issue, but having said you and your friend can have it for free it is wrong to go back on it.

Wouldn't your friend be mortified to know that you're paying for her to go on holiday with you? You can't do that.

They have moved the goal posts , whilst bringing a friend does change things , they initially said it was ok and they still wouldn’t charge and £500 is pretty steep imo.

isn't this simple? You've got a friend they don't know, so effectively the £500 is the friend's fee - sounds like they decided they didn't need to give a free holiday to someone they didn't know.

I'd try not to fall out with them whatever you do.

I don't think it's clear who is at fault here, you were being a bit unreasonable to tag another friend they don't know into it when they're offering you a property they do usually rent out.

FWIW, I'd pay the £500, but not bring the gifts and have the other friend pay half the £500. You're not reasonably going to find another holiday for two for £500 at this notice.

I’ve had my fingers burnt by people offering me things for free then charging going rate at the last minute. Be wary of effusive generosity: it could be too good to be true.

I'd cancel. They've turned what was a gift into a supposed special offer cut price holiday. Maybe they're concerned that their gift is being taken advantage of by you bringing a friend, but £500 is excessive. Explain politely that it was nice of them to offer, but it's an expense you hadn't budgeted for.

I'd always welcome a friend of a friend. Isn't this how we meet new people? I'd assume they're up for spending time together too.

I'm really amazed by the difference of opinion on here, but maybe I'm just really easy going?!

I'd be appalled by their u-turn and the cost!!

Can you take back the gifts? Then ask your friend to pay 1/2 (it's not your fault they've just suddenly asked for payment!) then I'd just pay and try to have a nice time with everyone.

Drink the whisky, eat the sausages and tell them to fuck off!

I would cancel. Find a cheap hotel for you and your friend for a few days, or even a couple of days at a spa would still be cheaper overall.

I think they are being unreasonable, they offered it to you for free. Two of you are not going to use much more utilities so £500 is a piss take

I would go back with a sorry I couldn’t afford that much, really sorry we won’t be coming, take the whiskey back and find somewhere else, or do day trips with your friend instead.

If you do go i certainly would not be going out for a meal with them as 8 bet they would expect you to pay.

500, to cover that? Nope.

Find somewhere to stay if you still want to visit but no way would I be shelling out half a grand to stay in a friends garden.

I would cancel.

Say what zombiemum1946 suggests.

They don’t want your friend to come despite them saying it was fine. You changed the dynamics of the trip.

I can understand their position to be honest.
It seems after they have thought about it and now realised its not a friend wanting to come and visit them, but a friend wanting to use their property as a break away.

Theyre probably a bit miffed and feel that you aren't going specifically see them. If I were you, I'd just cancel.

Don't go!