Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

[ERest]

Sadly, this has been picked up somewhere:www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/woman-upset-after-friends-charge-21438643

[ploomo]

Thank you, Muriel Spriggs. I assume you're not actually called Muriel Spriggs in real life.

Yesterday I felt relief that there was some kind of explanation, even if they weren't going to tell me what it was. This morning I feel generally peed off and very glad to have cancelled. I have no doubt they've had some family issue that's kicked off but I can't understand why they didn't just call me and say that something's happened and the cottage isn't available?

[Eddielzzard]

Sounds like an attempt at people pleasing to keep everyone happy. Those sorts of strategies seldom work.

[ploomo]

[quote ERest]Sadly, this has been picked up somewhere:www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/woman-upset-after-friends-charge-21438643[/quote]
If you ever thought you could rely on anything published in the local free-sheet paper/ website this is a lesson that you can't.

[Pemba]

Well exactly why not just be upfront? They messed up (or WAS it in fact deliberate?) Admitting their mistake Would have been far better than what they actually did. Strange people. A good friend like you deserves some honesty and consideration.

[NorthLodgeAvenue]

Binki using her old Fleet Steet chums to discredit poor old Giles and Minty, I see.
They will stop at nothing.

[ploomo]

EddieIzzard, I think you've got it.

[nicola123456789]

I'd cancel too.

[Anjunna]

OH MY GOD, what is wrong with everyone

FRIENDS DON’T BEHAVE THIS WAY.!!!

[TatianaBis]

@ploomo

Thank you, Muriel Spriggs. I assume you're not actually called Muriel Spriggs in real life.

Yesterday I felt relief that there was some kind of explanation, even if they weren't going to tell me what it was. This morning I feel generally peed off and very glad to have cancelled. I have no doubt they've had some family issue that's kicked off but I can't understand why they didn't just call me and say that something's happened and the cottage isn't available?

Quite. I think that is the key point.

[Tistheseason17]

I love that they don't live in Settle! Screw the gutter press

[IntermittentParps]

I can't understand why they didn't just call me and say that something's happened and the cottage isn't available?

Yes, why did they think asking you for money and implying that they expected you to clean the place on hands and knees would go down better than just apologising?
Badly done, to coin a phrase.

With the 'people pleasing' theory, I'm not sure –I don't know what part of it was meant to please the OP?

[Shedbuilder]

@Tistheseason17

I love that they don't live in Settle! Screw the gutter press

I know. I bet the Settle Sentinel or whatever it is don't tell their readers that.

We're all here using pseudonyms. Surely everyone also changes names and locations and as many minor details as possible? I'll let you into a secret. I hadn't bought them whisky, I'd bought them six decent bottles of a wine I know they like.

[MurielSpriggs]

I know. I bet the Settle Sentinel or whatever it is don't tell their readers that.

We're all here using pseudonyms. Surely everyone also changes names and locations and as many minor details as possible? I'll let you into a secret. I hadn't bought them whisky, I'd bought them six decent bottles of a wine I know they like.

Absolutely shocking deception! Please don't tell us the so-called "charcuterie" present was actually a stripogram

That would give the Settle Bugle ("telling truth to power", plus ads for incontinence pants) something to get its knickers in a twist over.

[QueenBee52]

Keep the Whisky 🤣😂

[SparklingLime]

@QueenBee52

Keep the Whisky 🤣😂

Yeah, and cancel the cheque.

[Biscuitybiscuit]

I wouldn't go

[Rhumatoidwarrior88]

Don't go . Tell your friend who was accomping what happened and ask of she wants to do something else . But do not pay it they are capitalising on your friendship .

[TopBlogger]

@Rhumatoidwarrior88

Don't go . Tell your friend who was accomping what happened and ask of she wants to do something else . But do not pay it they are capitalising on your friendship .

for the love of sanity....read the thread

[wheretonow123]

I think I wrote earlier in the thread that there could be a bit of jealousy or lack of trust from someone in the family around your relationship with them - especially as they are wealthy.

You will get your full answer over the next few weeks. If they try to encourage you to come again then you will know that they are genuine and that it was a clash of dates.


If the offers for you to come and stay suddenly dry up then you have your answer and there was a push against you and your relationship with them. I saw that happen before to someone else who helped people in a very genuine way.

[SpringlikeBunk]

@wheretonow123

I agree with that too based on my social experiences - could be one of the children (yes, sadly even the daughter OP helped) commenting that the OP is "freeloading" (even though she's just responding to the invite as given) and getting them to send the money e-mail as a "test" to see if she coughs up.

People get weird where money they think is "theirs" is concerned, and the children could be thinking "that's £1000 of inheritance we're losing every year if this becomes regular".

[ellyeth]

I think it is wrong of them to go back on what they had said, even though you had asked to invite a friend. You offered to pay and they declined. If having your friend there was an issue for them, they should have said at the time that they either accepted your offer of the full amount or would charge £500.

I can imagine what a shock it was to receive this news, especially as you had bought expensive drinks and food.

I am not sure what I would do - probably pay the £500, and, if you can, get a cancel the food and drink . As your friend assumed the holiday accommodation was free, I don't think I could bring myself to ask for any contribution. If I could possibly afford to cover it myself, I would prefer not to ask the friend.

I wouldn't visit these people again after them springing such a surprise on you - especially after the remark about your friend being their friend - how false that proved to be! As others have said, £500 is more than utilities would cost.

Thinking about it and having read some more of the comments on here, it is probably true that the holiday is spoilt now. I even feel quite annoyed myself at this so I can imagine how you are feeling and no doubt it has changed your feelings towards this couple. But I would feel bad about cancelling especially as your friend is so looking forward to it. What a tricky situation.

[phishy]

@wheretonow123

I think I wrote earlier in the thread that there could be a bit of jealousy or lack of trust from someone in the family around your relationship with them - especially as they are wealthy.

You will get your full answer over the next few weeks. If they try to encourage you to come again then you will know that they are genuine and that it was a clash of dates.

If the offers for you to come and stay suddenly dry up then you have your answer and there was a push against you and your relationship with them. I saw that happen before to someone else who helped people in a very genuine way.

Well said.

[phishy]

The end 🏡🥃🥩🍖🛏🧺🧹