Being treated and then being asked for the money back?

[treated50]

I've been seeing BF for a few months, everything is going really well. I feel our relationship is pretty equal in terms of paying for drinks / dinners / nights out /take aways. I am mindful of money and actively avoid ordering pricey things on the menu if I think he might be paying. I will often bring things over to his and he will do the same when he comes to my house. I'm quite generous and don't ask for money back for things, for example, he will ask me if I mind getting supplies from the shop for him and I will happily buy them and when he asks how much it is I will tell him not to worry. He will also get things in for when I come over that he knows I like or bring bottles of wine to mine.

There are two occasions that have slightly irritated me and both revolve around being 'treated' and then asked to pay half in the following days. On both occasions we have been out for dinner, he has paid at the time (with no discussion of paying half), I say 'thank you for treating me', then I'll get the next one or I'll make sure I make up for it in other ways like buying things for his place. Both times he has then text me the following day asking if I'd mind paying some money towards the dinner. On the first occasion I just sent the money across no problem, but this time I was a little annoyed to be honest... so I asked 'Why didn't you ask me to share at the time?' He then replied saying he'd only thought about it today after having a look at his finances. There have been times where I have retrospectively realised I shouldn't have paid for things as it impacts me (like buying shopping for his house), but I would never dream of asking for the money back in the following days.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed?

From what you’ve said though, he’s not saying “it’s my treat” you are saying that, maybe he just feels embarrassed at the time and pays but really can’t afford it! If I’m in a situation like that I save face and then cry about it later, I’d have a chat with him

It sounds to me like you're investing more in him (and his home) than he is in you.

And, he's not appreciating it! Well, not enough anyway.

This isn't going to be good for you long-term.

I think you need to change that dynamic or call it a day.

Did you speak to him this weekend about it, OP? Did you transfer the money?

I think OP has put herself into a role of servitude and secondary importance to this man and he's very quickly got used to it, is taking her for granted and doesn't have much respect for her.

OK you are running around serving this man, driving him all over, travelling to him, cooking and cleaning for him when he is supposed to be hosting YOU, plus roughly going halves on paying when you go out and he feels entitled to it now. Hence texting you asking you to pay more than half (bearing in mind he drank more) for a meal he should have really treated you to in reflection of all else you have done/spent.

You've been treating him like a demigod and he's got used to it. Pull him up sharp and for God's sale stop skivvying all the time!

I once had a boyfriend a bit like this at uni. Was happy for me to do stuff for him and spend my money on him. I used to make us a cooked breakfast every Sunday before we went to the gym. No contribution requested. One day he was cooking (rare) and asked me to pay for half the ingredients and was huffy when I objected pointing out all the free cooked meals is provided. Yes, he accused me of keeping tally. I wasn't but it just highlighted how he felt entitled to be treated by me but not the other way around. Then he left exactly half the washing up for me to do! He's an ex for a reason!

So my ex husband would do things like this:
We're on holiday and we see some local prints. There is an offer that you get a better price if you buy two. He wants to get one for his mother, and also asks me which one I'd like. I happily make my choice, feeling pleased with his gesture.
When we get back to the hotel, he asks me for 50% of the price!
He was also into wines, and would buy a nice bottle of wine for us to share, then ask for my half of the purchase price (which I wouldn't know in advance).
When we divorced, although I'd put £30k into the house and he'd put nothing, he wanted his 50% of the equity and fittings.
I will never date a mean man again.
My hubby now has had financial difficulties with businesses at times but is always generous when business is good.
I'm quite generous myself so it really bugs me when someone is penny pinching when they aren't actually having to be to get by.

@Devora13 your HUSBAND asked for the money!? What a tight-arse!