Why is UK so child unfriendly?

[bezabez]

Hi! I am foreign person living in the UK for the past 15 years.

I have noticed that the attitudes towards children are really strange in this country. Generally kids aren't accepted to be kids. They are expected to be quiet (ish) if out and about eg in a restaurant or a cafe, women don't breastfeed often in public (UK has the lowest rate of breastfeeding in the world) and they are expected 'to do as you're told' - that's a weird expression in itself tbh and to behave and never show a wild side. If on a train or other public spaces people tend not to engage with them even with babies (where I'm from there would be talking and smiling and general admirations) or tthey make faces, huffing and puffing etc if the children 'misbehave'.

Also parents complain A LOT about having children, sometimes as a form of a banter as these are socially acceptable jokes. Especially during the holidays.

On top of that there aren't many affordable childcare options or things like holiday camps and clubs (I know they exist in bigger cities sometimes but it isn't the same).

Overall it's no place for young people!

Does it come from the Victorian 'kids are to be seen not heard' thing?

Again where I'm from kids are celebrated as the future here they are mostly treated as inconvenience.

I’ve also noticed how high expectations are of children and how they are extension of their parents and not allowed to be their own unique self

You are absolutely right about that aspect. UK parents love to bask in the glory of their childrens' achievements (all down to their superior "parenting", naturally, not because the child has a talent and/or works hard) and if a child (of whatever age) does something wrong it's always "blame the parents - what awful parenting" as if children (and in particular teens and adult children) have no free will at all.

I wonder whether any other country uses "parenting" as a verb?

I think an awful lot of people think that because they think their toddlers are cute, the rest of us should too

Yes. Same goes for dogs. I am neither interested in other peoples' dogs nor their kids. And that's not because I am British, it's because I am a miserable wotsit

So apologies if this has already been said and dealt with but if the UK Is so terribly criticised for their lack of empathy towards child rearing and general dealing of children in public etc
How do others think they do it better ? This is meant as genuine curiosity rather than. Trying to be argumentative but interested

@Basilandparsleyandmint That is a very good point. Well for me I was 39 when I had my first baby. When my baby entered toddler stage and I started to get some negative experiences, I asked myself why in my whole 39 years before becoming a mother, I never felt the need to snap, or be unpleasant to any mother or child of any age? Don't get me wrong children definitely did annoy me at times, but I kept my annoyances to myself and never showed my grievances to the outside world, and I probably ranted about "little brats" a few times to friends, but deep down I must have known that children were just young and that is just how they were, and my annoyances were my problem for not being at that stage of life myself, and obviously I was not ready for children if I was unwilling to put up with how children act. Now that I am a mother I realise children need help and guidance through each stage of their development, and the behaviour they distribute is just how children learn and grow. Having that understanding helps me have patience with my children, but when I did not have such knowledge, I just assumed it would be bad manners to treat children lesser than other people, no matter how much it may have annoyed me at the time.

@Basilandparsleyandmint

So apologies if this has already been said and dealt with but if the UK Is so terribly criticised for their lack of empathy towards child rearing and general dealing of children in public etc How do others think they do it better ? This is meant as genuine curiosity rather than. Trying to be argumentative but interested

I'm not convinced that others do it better having seen southern European children out in smoke-filled pubs at midnight.

Realise I’m late to the party here but just reading the OP’s posts and wow it really rings true. I’m also a foreigner living in the UK for some time and I worry sometimes that I’m adapting the attitudes towards kids that the OP has spoken about. Whenever I go to my home country, I’m struck by how much more tolerant everyone is of children - mine and in general. Tolerant of them being kids, doing what kids do and not behaving like adults.
I know smoke-filled pubs isn’t a great environment for them, like the previous poster points out, but even that shows an inclusive attitude to children which is very rare here.
I can’t satisfy the genuine curiosity of a previous poster questioning how others ‘do’ it better because attitudes are formed by things like your upbringing and the culture you come from and are born into..not an exhaustive list of what influences attitudes obviously. I don’t think the OP is suggesting people in this country model themselves on those in a different country..I think OP is just curious about how this attitude has come about-I am too.

I live abroad now and am constantly surprised by how many babies and children I see in restaurants here vs the UK. I very very rarely saw someone with a child in a nice restaurant in the UK whereas here couples come with babies and young children for dinner all the time (and we're not talking child friendly chain restaurants at lunch, we're talking $300 dinner after 7pm). No one bats and eyelid other than me and DP, it's so noticeable after having lived in the UK so long.

One thing I noticed when I lived in Germany was that their kids were more self-reliant - eg taking themselves to schools. And the really noticeable thing was that if a small child fell over they just picked themselves up and carried on, whereas a child in the UK would nearly always start screaming.

But I don't think they were any more tolerant of noisy kids in restaurants than we would be in the UK. Kids are fine. Adults are fine. Noisy inconsiderate people are not.