Page 5 | To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 09:15

@MessyLifeCleanHouse

I wouldn’t exactly call her a shit friend?

I think the one slagging off an 8 year old to a group of strangers is the shit friend. You don’t sound very nice to be around, shouting at others kids? If you ever spoke to my child in any such way I’d be speaking to you in the exact same manner.

I’ll probably get jumped on for going against the majority here as your clearly very popular bitching about your “friend” and her child. However, it would be very very annoying to be in your situation I wouldn’t like it either but I wouldn’t of stopped this low.

I certainly didn't shout at a 5yo I used my 'teacher voice' (aka firm and unwavering) to tell her not to speak to her mummy like that as it wasn't nice.

If you had a problem with me telling your child to stop being awful to you you're not the type of person I'd keep in my company at all. The 'if anyone tells my child off they're in trouble' brigade have bratty awful kids IME

OP posts:

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 09:16

@Immunetypegoblin

I recently learned that the word disco live comes from the Greek 'to train'.

I suspect autocorrect has interfered here but really want to know what it was meant to be!!

Discipline?

OP posts:

feelingsicknow · 28/08/2021 09:16

Place marking for tonight's updates! This has been the most enthralling thing to follow OP! X

JustJustWhy · 28/08/2021 09:16

Do you know what the last 2 hen do's I've been to people have brought pre-teens along! WTF is that all about? And the mums have said "Oh I couldn't leave them with my husband he's absolutely useless" hmm don't come then

Or leave the husband if he's useless.

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 09:19

@Glasstabletop

God this thread is so long I am sure its been said but...

This is so unfair on your 9 year old. How come Alyssa get's to stay up and have fun with the adults and she has to go to bed? I'm not saying you should get her up or anything (I also wouldn't want the kids up) I would just feel guilty AF if I was you.

I don't feel guilty in the least, why would I?, my 9yo values her sleep and doesn't really care that she doesn't get to impose on our night, she wouldn't want to!

OP posts:

torchh · 28/08/2021 09:21

I would have preferred bed too at that age. I'm one of 4 and we all went to bed when told, mainly because we were tired and wanted to sleep so we were ready for the next day.

We would definitely have disliked an Alyssa type sucking up to the parents. Proper saddo

Tippexy · 28/08/2021 09:21

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

A repeat holiday has been mentioned again today, and at the same place as it's really very good here, but when I looked at this resort prices they're almost doubled next year anyway from what we paid so that was a very good excuse to say no

OP you are too wet! Tell her the truth!

torchh · 28/08/2021 09:23

She can't tell her while still on the actual holiday. Imagine the tension.

Best to not say anything, maybe say something in a couple of weeks

WimpoleHat · 28/08/2021 09:24

The other three all said ‘it’s fine, have a nice time.’ I personally thought it was really appalling.

This is the British problem, really - I bet the others didn’t think it’s was fine but didn’t want to cause a scene. If the wet parent tries again on the topic of another holiday, I think OP should be honest. Kind, but honest. Think “I love spending time with you, Claire - but as a teacher and a single parent, I really need some child free time in holiday. I’d prefer to do a girls’ weekend when we can both get a babysitter” sort of thing.

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 28/08/2021 09:24

I can't understand how two adults can't carve out any time for wine and chatting during any point of a day and evening. Unless you're determined to micromanage every part of your DCs' days, you should be able to send them outside/upstairs/into another room to play/dance/sing/watch a movie whilst the adults drink wine and catch up.
Families have different bedtime routines so trying to enforce one family's rules on everyone is unlikely to work. It's self-defeating and frankly, oddly controlling, to focus on one obvious flashpoint (ie bedtime) as the only time you can have adult conversations.

Jumpingintosummer · 28/08/2021 09:27

@Glasstabletop

God this thread is so long I am sure its been said but...

This is so unfair on your 9 year old. How come Alyssa get's to stay up and have fun with the adults and she has to go to bed? I'm not saying you should get her up or anything (I also wouldn't want the kids up) I would just feel guilty AF if I was you.

The OP has nothing to feel guilty about @Glasstabletop. Her friend should be mortified at changing the dynamics and allowing a young child to ruin everyone’s evenings!

Welshgal85 · 28/08/2021 09:33

Just read both threads and I think your friend has brought all this on herself, it would really annoy me her complaining but not doing anything to change the situation. I’m sorry your holiday has been ruined.

I would definitely tell her the truth about why you don’t want to go away with them again next year, I wouldn’t use the excuse of the place being more pricey as she will just suggest somewhere else! Perhaps once you’re home you could say to her that it was a shame you didn’t have more time to catch up the two of you and you thought that the evenings were going to be just for adult time. You could say perhaps it’s best next time you have a weekend away just the two of you? Hope the last day goes okay as can be!

MsTSwift · 28/08/2021 09:33

There was a thread a few years ago where a nutter brought her toddler to a hen weekend despite being politely asked not to. It was horrific as the inevitable unfolded. Years ago but stuck with me!

Puffalicious · 28/08/2021 09:33

My friend has always been brilliant at getting various kids off to bed- she makes them laugh so hard that they obey her bustling them and tucking in with promises of 'more fun tomorrow'. The rest of us would lie back and get sorted with the drinks/ nice adult nibbles whilst she got them 'ship shape'. Bloody brilliant. They're all older now but I remember it with glee.

wonderstuff · 28/08/2021 09:35

I'm completely with you wrt using teacher voice on the 5 year old, I have been known to do this with friends kids. If someone is rude to my friend, whether it's their child or the queen of England I'm going to stand up for my friend! I've one mate in particular whose son can be terribly rude to her and I absolutely can't just watch.

caughtinanet · 28/08/2021 09:36

@Glasstabletop

God this thread is so long I am sure its been said but...

This is so unfair on your 9 year old. How come Alyssa get's to stay up and have fun with the adults and she has to go to bed? I'm not saying you should get her up or anything (I also wouldn't want the kids up) I would just feel guilty AF if I was you.

I haven't read every post but I hope there aren't other posters saying that. Way to bring up an Alyssa yourself, guilty because you behave like a parent? What a wimp

Lessthanaballpark · 28/08/2021 09:38

I think if your friend has said that she’s sick of Alyssa’s shit then it’s ok to give her a bit of advice / help because you can frame it as helping her.

When A comes down tonight take her upstairs yourself saying that her mum is tired and needs a rest. Then be mildly scary. Your friend will also see what you’ve put up with, being left alone.

EvilPea · 28/08/2021 09:45

She’s not fed up with Alyssas behaviour, she’s encouraged it as “we have such a lovely relationship, she’s like my best friend”.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/08/2021 09:45

The at would drive me mad. And then your friend moaning about it it not prepared to step up and parent her child. Never go away with them again

happinessischocolate · 28/08/2021 09:48

Surely the last night is the night the kids stay up at bit later so that they'll sleep in the car on the way home the next day. Not the night for having a last minute catch up over wine.

Yesitsbess · 28/08/2021 10:02

I wasnt fully aware of this gentle parenting lark until I read all this. I've now realised that is what is happening at my friends primary school:

Child (5) behaves badly towards another child, is invited for a "chat" about what caused the behaviour and then invited...INVITED to draw a picture for the other child if they would like to apologise.

Of course they want to draw a bloody picture and "have a chat". That's absolutely zero consequences for them!

My flabber has never been so gasted I can tell you.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/08/2021 10:04

OP: "Next step: conquer my fear of a single parent holiday with just my kids and no adult company. "

It'll be better than this one where you had your hopes dashed every evening.

Angryfrommanchester1 · 28/08/2021 10:06

How annoying that your night was ruined again. I do think by not saying something at the time Alyssa has ‘won’ as you went to your bedroom.
Personally I have little hope that Alyssa will stay in her room tonight too, as she hasn’t so far, and she clearly wants to stay up with the ‘big girls’ and your friend doesn’t seem able to say no to her.
Any complaints tonight about tummy ache etc should be met with ‘oh dear, best thing for that is to lie down and go to sleep. Off you go’.

torchh · 28/08/2021 10:10

@Yesitsbess

I wasnt fully aware of this gentle parenting lark until I read all this. I've now realised that is what is happening at my friends primary school:

Child (5) behaves badly towards another child, is invited for a "chat" about what caused the behaviour and then invited...INVITED to draw a picture for the other child if they would like to apologise.

Of course they want to draw a bloody picture and "have a chat". That's absolutely zero consequences for them!

My flabber has never been so gasted I can tell you.

They've all read 'how to speak so little kids listen' which is all about drawing etc.

Aka bollocks

OhWhyNot · 28/08/2021 10:10

When I have been away friend friends and our children (I’m single, some friends are single to have also been away with couples) the children stay up as long as they want to we are on holiday they are excited. It didn’t stop us chatting just some things were not spoken about

But they are not rude

That was one of the best things about being on holiday was to be allowed to stay up late