Page 3 | To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

Window1 · 28/08/2021 08:09

Surely your friend must have some awareness that she has ruined the adult/fun part of the holiday for you? Has she apologised or picked up on how unreasonable she is being at all? Although sounds like maybe not as it has continued to be a theme all week.

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2021 08:10

pamper night from Alyssa - you couldn't make it up. Could it get any worse???

God OP. This would put a lid on it for me. I'd be seething.

TolkiensFallow · 28/08/2021 08:15

I think you need to have a chat with your friend after this!

torchh · 28/08/2021 08:21

Raising your voice to a five year old isn't ok, complaining about a plate is tedious but fairly age appropriate behaviour and not worth getting worked up about IMO.

It's not age appropriate at 5

RantyAunty · 28/08/2021 08:29

@MsTSwift

We had a weekend break with 6 other families which was fab. Kids were upstairs watching a film to be fair until my dd then about 8 came down to say the only child of two high powered politicians had shoved her off a bed hard and unprovoked. They were too old for toddler shoving and dd was outraged.

Kid came down and admitted it and parents gentle parented her. Our dd usually extremely polite says loudly to the whole group “I cannot believe I have been shoved off a bed and the parents have done nothing about it”. The high powered parents sat there wetly having had their crap parenting called out by an 8 year old😁

And what did you say to them?

MsTSwift · 28/08/2021 08:30

What could we say?! Sort your kid out? Dd had already said it for us!

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2021 08:32

Place marking fir tonights update

RantyAunty · 28/08/2021 08:32

@Iwantmymoneyback

Spending a week with relatives is a holiday for them. It's not like they'll be sitting like a bump on a log the entire time. They'll get to go out places.

Adults need some strictly adult time every once in awhile.

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 08:33

A repeat holiday has been mentioned again today, and at the same place as it's really very good here, but when I looked at this resort prices they're almost doubled next year anyway from what we paid so that was a very good excuse to say no

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SunshineCake · 28/08/2021 08:34

Are you seeing your boyfriend tonight for some distressing @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop?

BroccoliFloret · 28/08/2021 08:35

I think everyone has come across parents like this. I was involved on a playgroup committee for a while, we had more than a few parents coming to us saying that Jack would need coaxed to put his coat on to go into the garden in winter, or that Katie would need her apples cut in a specific way or wouldn't eat them.

One particular mother let her child draw on the walls at home to express his creativity and was horrified when he was very sharply told off for trying the same at playgroup. She didn't like that he wasn't allowed to go first for everything. Didn't like that her child was disciplined for snatching toys from other children. Didn't like that her child was told that it really wasn't acceptable at snack time to pile his plate high with food he had no intention of eating, just so that nobody else can have it.

He was a FUCKING NIGHTMARE child and even at 3 and 4, none of the other kids wanted to play with him. Sam is mean, Sam hits me, Sam screams when he doesn't get his own way. I do wonder how Sam is coping now as a teenager by which time hopefully Sam will have realised that the world does not revolve around him. I think his mother is a lost cause.

Most of us have done the screaming child under the arm act. One memorable time DD was about 3, I needed to pick her brother up from school, she didn't fancy leaving the house and threw the most almighty tantrum. At school she was literally lying on the grass thrashing and screaming while I stood with my mum friends chatting and ignoring her.

I definitely wouldn't be going on holiday with your friend again @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop. Telling her WHY you aren't going again though is tricky. It could well be the end of the friendship as she is so blinkered when it comes to her daughter and will not want to change the way she parents her.

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 08:35

@Window1

Surely your friend must have some awareness that she has ruined the adult/fun part of the holiday for you? Has she apologised or picked up on how unreasonable she is being at all? Although sounds like maybe not as it has continued to be a theme all week.

I asked this morning if she enjoyed her pamper night and she said no, she's getting sick of this nonsense with Alyssa and we will have 'one last hurrah' tonight and get them all to bed on time.

We shall see

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Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 08:37

Raising your voice to a five year old isn't ok, complaining about a plate is tedious but fairly age appropriate behaviour and not worth getting worked up about IMO.

Where is this idea that it's wrong to tell other people's children off?! Children aren't somebody's possession, you absolutely can speak to them the way you'd speak to an adult if they behaved badly. I don't mind other people telling my kids off at all, especially if they need it. My friend has done it to mine a couple of times this holiday and I'm thankful someone else steps in. I am absolutely not going to sit with my mouth shut as a 5yo screams in fury and is rude to her mother

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WaterBottle123 · 28/08/2021 08:39

stepupandbecounted · 28/08/2021 08:39

OP's friend is no friend to op, she will put herself and her kid before all else, and is really selfish. Anyone else would have said to their kid, no matter how fucking indulgent:

'Alyssa, Frangipani is a very special friend of mine and I am going to spend at least two/three nights this week with her downstairs, as it is her holiday too and we need time for grown up chats. In the same way you like to have time to play with your friends. We can do the pamper night another night when we get home. Now promise you will stay in bed please'

Using the issue as a way of teaching your child how to be a good friend, how to be a decent human being and a lesson in what caring for others looks like. If she likes gentle parenting so much there are ways to do that and still keep the bloody kid in bed!

What a shit friend is all I can think about her op!

torchh · 28/08/2021 08:39

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

A repeat holiday has been mentioned again today, and at the same place as it's really very good here, but when I looked at this resort prices they're almost doubled next year anyway from what we paid so that was a very good excuse to say no

Where where where

MsTSwift · 28/08/2021 08:42

“Promise you will stay in bed please”
No! That is wet!

“Go to bed - now”

torchh · 28/08/2021 08:43

@MsTSwift

“Promise you will stay in bed please” No! That is wet!

“Go to bed - now”

Agree!

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 08:45

@SunshineCake

Are you seeing your boyfriend tonight for some distressing *@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop*?

Still here tonight but the kids are at their dads next weekend so will see my boyfriend then - he hasn't met kids and I don't plan to until it gets very serious so we have to put up with EOW...and kind of at work as he is starting a teaching role at my school which is how we met as I showed him round at his interview. Which is why I wanted a friend's opinion and perspective as I realise that dipping my pen in the company ink so to speak is a tremendous risk 😬

I've been texting him live updates though so he is very ready to hear me rant in person!

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Brighterblighter · 28/08/2021 08:45

Op in new to the the thread so it seems she said she's sick of it only on the night you left them too it.

I wish you had done that as soon as she looked settled in on the first night.

Re confidence... I wouldn't critise that.. It's so much harder to deal with low self esteem and she conversely be over compensating..

crossstitchingnana · 28/08/2021 08:45

One of my friends brings her pre-teen to everything, including a hen do. That's bad enough but she is a sullen child that sulks and brags about how clever she is. There's adult time and then there's family time, trick is to all be in the same time zone.

decoratedstandardlamp · 28/08/2021 08:45

@AnyOldPrion

The idea of a child with a “poorly tummy” doing anything that involved getting near me (let alone touching my face) would come close to being my worst nightmare. I know she probably has nothing wrong with her, but just… grim!

I hadn't even thought of that angle! That would be been good for OP to say... 'Oh dear if you have a tummy bug brewing beat we all steer clear of you for 48 hours just to be safe'.

stepupandbecounted · 28/08/2021 08:46

she's getting sick of this nonsense with Alyssa and we will have 'one last hurrah' tonight and get them all to bed on time

She knows you are pissed off, and she is trying to save the friendship. She is checking to see how bad things are by suggesting the same holiday next year. Testing the waters to see if you will ever consider a holiday with them again after Alyssa's behaviour.

The hurrah should have been every night, too little too late!

torchh · 28/08/2021 08:48

Or she's pissed off because for last two nights she hasn't had OP as a buffer or as someone to show her amazing daughter off to

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 08:49

@crossstitchingnana

One of my friends brings her pre-teen to everything, including a hen do. That's bad enough but she is a sullen child that sulks and brags about how clever she is. There's adult time and then there's family time, trick is to all be in the same time zone.

Do you know what the last 2 hen do's I've been to people have brought pre-teens along! WTF is that all about? And the mums have said "Oh I couldn't leave them with my husband he's absolutely useless"

don't come then

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