Page 6 | To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

torchh · 28/08/2021 10:11

@Yesitsbess

I wasnt fully aware of this gentle parenting lark until I read all this. I've now realised that is what is happening at my friends primary school:

Child (5) behaves badly towards another child, is invited for a "chat" about what caused the behaviour and then invited...INVITED to draw a picture for the other child if they would like to apologise.

Of course they want to draw a bloody picture and "have a chat". That's absolutely zero consequences for them!

My flabber has never been so gasted I can tell you.

This

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

WimpoleHat · 28/08/2021 10:11

Any complaints tonight about tummy ache etc should be met with ‘oh dear, best thing for that is to lie down and go to sleep. Off you go’.

I thought that too - own goal for Alyssa. If you have a bad tummy, adult or child, an early night is a very good idea. This mother is pandering….

CoronaPeroni · 28/08/2021 10:13

@Yesitsbess

I wasnt fully aware of this gentle parenting lark until I read all this. I've now realised that is what is happening at my friends primary school:

Child (5) behaves badly towards another child, is invited for a "chat" about what caused the behaviour and then invited...INVITED to draw a picture for the other child if they would like to apologise.

Of course they want to draw a bloody picture and "have a chat". That's absolutely zero consequences for them!

My flabber has never been so gasted I can tell you.

Is this my school? 😩 Gone are the old short, sharp consequences that children understand and now if a child has punched another in the face at lunchtime they are sat down with the teacher at the start of the afternoon session (while the rest of the class are given a holding activity) and asked 'How did you feel when you saw Liam lying on the playground hurt and crying'? 'Do you think you made the right choice to hit him'? 'How do you think you could make it better'? The consequence of this policy is that a lot of bad behaviour is being ignored because staff don't have the time to pander to it (imagine 4 or 5 children needing to be spoken to) and then be expected to log it verbatim in the 'system'!

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 10:14

@happinessischocolate

Surely the last night is the night the kids stay up at bit later so that they'll sleep in the car on the way home the next day. Not the night for having a last minute catch up over wine.

Fuck that. Every night is wine night

OP posts:

Rosscameasdoody · 28/08/2021 10:14

Placemarking for updates. 🍹🍫

GrandmaSteglitszch · 28/08/2021 10:16

I asked this morning if she enjoyed her pamper night and she said no, she's getting sick of this nonsense with Alyssa and we will have 'one last hurrah' tonight and get them all to bed on time.

Unfortunately, your friend has no plan for how to make sure this happens.

Howareyouflower · 28/08/2021 10:19

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop I think you've done well to destress by coming on here rather than exploding in real life! I wasn't a teacher but I did develop what my family referred to as THE VOICE! It wasn't a shout, it was a firm, no nonsense tone, and the children knew to take notice when I used it. We were part of a group of 4 couples, who used to socialise, with and without our children, and I remember one evening one of the men was remarking that his boys were only ever well behaved when at my house. He laughed and said "When Howareyouflower tells the dog to sit everybody sits!"

WimpoleHat · 28/08/2021 10:19

How did you feel when you saw Liam lying on the playground hurt and crying'? 'Do you think you made the right choice to hit him'?

Dear God….😫

Moviestar · 28/08/2021 10:20

"Fuck that ,every night is wine night"
this may be possibly one of the best posts ever on MN.

Yesitsbess · 28/08/2021 10:20

@CoronaPeroni

It's nuts. I understand having a chat if behaviour is persistent because it could indicate problems in home life. But for every single event with a bunch of 5 year olds? Utterly bonkers.

OP you have made me properly laugh with this thread. Maybe Alyssa can spend tonight drawing you an apology picture. In her room.

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2021 10:24

'How did you feel when you saw Liam lying on the playground hurt and crying'? 'Do you think you made the right choice to hit him'? 'How do you think you could make it better'? The consequence of this policy is that a lot of bad behaviour is being ignored because staff don't have the time to pander to it (imagine 4 or 5 children needing to be spoken to) and then be expected to log it verbatim in the 'system'!

I think.tbis sgit is manipulative too. Because once you have had this " nice chat" and the kid has played along to pretend s/he's seen the light, well that puts all the pressure on the poor victim to accept the apology, to do as they are told and have this chat along side them or perform the binding activity etc and they look like the dickhead if they refuse.

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 10:29

I bought the "How To Talk So Children will Listen" book when DD was 2, as many people raves about it. I got a quarter of the way brought and binned it, what a load of shit. I didn't even put it in the charity bag so that another person could avoid parenting their child properly

OP posts:

torchh · 28/08/2021 10:30

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I bought the "How To Talk So Children will Listen" book when DD was 2, as many people raves about it. I got a quarter of the way brought and binned it, what a load of shit. I didn't even put it in the charity bag so that another person could avoid parenting their child properly

Thank you! I thought I was missing something.

Utter horseshit.

Rosscameasdoody · 28/08/2021 10:31

Maybe Alyssa can spend tonight drawing you an apology picture. In her room.

😂😂😂

Definitely this !! And while A is doing that, maybe have a ‘gentle’ chat with friend about how A turning into a bossy, self centred and entitled brat may not be a good look for her later in life.

Totallydefeated · 28/08/2021 10:32

As ‘3breakfasts’ has complained about her daughter’s behaviour to you, this gives you the green light to talk to her about how to nip it in the bud tonight.

Will have to be gentle, of course... ‘ok, ‘3breakfasts’, to avoid you having to have your feet painted again tonight we need to be very clear with Alyssa that she’s not to come down out of her room tonight or hold you hostage in it. Would it be easier for you if I tell her? You can be getting the wine poured downstairs while I make sure she’s in her bed tucked up tight. If she can’t sleep she can read a book no problem, it’s ok if that’s not her number one preference, she’ll still be fine’

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 10:32

*DS

OP posts:

HermioneKipper · 28/08/2021 10:35

Ah OP you sound like my people!

It is too cheeky to ask where you’re holidaying? Would love a recommendation of somewhere that has great facilities for kids.

torchh · 28/08/2021 10:35

@HermioneKipper

Ah OP you sound like my people!

It is too cheeky to ask where you’re holidaying? Would love a recommendation of somewhere that has great facilities for kids.

I also am interested!

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 10:36

@Rosscameasdoody

Maybe Alyssa can spend tonight drawing you an apology picture. In her room.

😂😂😂

Definitely this !! And while A is doing that, maybe have a ‘gentle’ chat with friend about how A turning into a bossy, self centred and entitled brat may not be a good look for her later in life.

Problem is neither she or my friend seem to think there's anything to apologise for!

I can't wait to go home tomorrow. I'm sick me "Me first!" And "I win". The kids have got on really well but my DD is obviously getting fed up of Alyssa as she said today "why does Alyssa have competitions no one else competes in" 🤣🤣 example: we go out to the cars and Alyssa runs and gets to the car first and announces "I win!". They went on ziplines together yesterday and they all decided to set off at the same time. Alyssa hits the other side a millisecond before anyone else and it's "I win!". DD keeps saying, deadpan, "it's not a competition though"

OP posts:

SecretSpAD · 28/08/2021 10:37

As someone who managed to avoid the whole parenting thing until they were teenagers....I'm totally aghast at some of these stories and dread the thought of these children in the workplace.

I too am hoping you get a peaceful wine and crap TV night @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop and, on another note, I met my husband at work....18 years later were still together. It can work so good luck!

NutellaEllaElla · 28/08/2021 10:45

It's a real shame but this just isn't going to be the kind of friendship where you go away together, or chill together in the evening. She must want it this way otherwise she'd do something differently. Her parenting sounds utterly infuriating. Can't imagine what it must be like to live permanently like that

HooverIsAlwaysBroken · 28/08/2021 10:46

OP, you have my sympathies. I would go insane.

I am a stay at home mum, spend a lot of time with my children, taking them places, homework, games, etc but we also have rules. Table manners (and general manners) and bedtime is compulsory. I would never accept my children trying to hang out with me and my husband (their father) past 8/9. And if I was away with a friend, that would be 8.

My children are older, 8, 10 and 12 but they know that after bed time, they can quietly read their (no Internet) kindles in bed. And no talking and there will be trouble. But they have unlimited books and can read until they fall asleep on holidays.

I have no idea what I would do in this situation. I would probably kindly explain to Alyssa and her mum that after 8pm I was in adult only mode. And pour myself a glass of wine and watch Netflix (something completely inappropriate for children) on my phone/IPad for an hour or two, refusing to discuss anything child related. And then go to bed if the child was still up.

Original poster

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 28/08/2021 10:47

@HermioneKipper

Ah OP you sound like my people!

It is too cheeky to ask where you’re holidaying? Would love a recommendation of somewhere that has great facilities for kids.

I will PM you!

OP posts:

rainyskylight · 28/08/2021 10:47

Your DD sounds great OP. Love that deadpan.

Opalfeet · 28/08/2021 10:48

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop I also got that book...how to talk so small kids will listen. I also thought it was a bag of shit. Love your outlook and parenting style. I'll come with you on hol next year, apart from I'll have to get my kids to bed earlier, currently go to bed 9/9.30 as I like to lie in til at least 9 during the summer hols. 🤣