Every bloody week it's the same

[countrygirl99]

I have a system for planning my weekly shop. It's been the same for years. There is a notepad in the kitchen and during the weeks if you notice a store cupboard item or toiletries etc are getting low you are supposed to write it on the pad. Friday I plan the meals for the week. I go through each meal and make sure we have the ingredients in the cupboard or on the shopping list then add anything else that is on the notepad. That way we should have everything we need. Every bloody week I'll be working my way through the meal plan checking the ingredients and DH will randomly ask for his shower gel or marmite or whatever meaning I loose my train of thought. I've taken to refusing to put it on the shopping lit unless he has written it on the notepad to try and train him. Apparently it is totally unreasonable to expect him to remember to use the system but not unreasonable for him to disrupt my train of thought.

YABU - bless, he's a man it's too complicated for his simple mind.
YANBU - make him go without if he doesn't floor hge system.

Youre being a bit precious. But
id probably say he can do all the shopping, meal planning and cooking for the next month if youve done it every week for years.

I just would make the list when he’s not around and if he didn’t put his showergel or whatever on your list, too bad, he can get these things by going back to the shop himself. He will probably learn very fast.

If he asks for shower gel etc, why can't you write it on your list?

It’s a bit controlling to refuse to get him stuff because he doesn’t write it in a notepad, just tell him to wait until you’ve finished writing up the list and ask if anyone needs anything else.

Are you his boss or partner? Sorry. Just seems a little..... harsh

That's a tad controlling I think. We have a blackboard where we write up items that we notice need to be restocked but I always take the time to ask my DH if there is anything else he needs apart from the ones on the board. Sometimes I don't write things up and sometimes he thinks of stuff he need but isn't near the board to write it so it goes out of his head. Just ask him if there is anything else he needs to add once you have done your list.

People calling you unreasonable or controlling seem to be missing that you’re doing all the work and your husband is interrupting you. Repeatedly.

If your train of thought is that fragile, maybe consider getting more sleep or some multivitamins.

Urgh

Fuck that. You have planned , organised and set up a system to try and maintain order I the house and facilitate everyone being able to have what they need. And he's too special to have to write on a list .

Could you ask him to keep his own list - say that you will pick up his list on whatever day you do the shopping, and if it's not on the list it won't be bought.

No wonder you get so many posts moaning how men don't do stuff. Why should they if women are prepared to pussy foot around them. I'm doing the mental load and the shopping but apparently I'm being hard on him expecting him to remember to note what he needs on a notepad🤷‍♀️

Don't forget your brain is wrong too...

women are prepared to pussy foot around them

You need to stop accommodating him. If it's not on the list, don't buy it. He can go out and get it himself.

@mathanxiety

If your train of thought is that fragile, maybe consider getting more sleep or some multivitamins.

I take it interruptions never interfere with your superior intellectual.

Your system sounds complete inflexible. It’s a shopping list not air traffic control.

That's basically what I'm doing. I don'tsee the point of a separate piece of paper. If he doesn't write it on the padin the kitchen he's not going to write it anywhere.

Similar here but I always ask at the end - is there anything else you can think of. Religiously met with no I don't think so followed by a week of passive aggressive comments about things that we've run out of! I do flip every now and again and make him do it!

Yanbu at all OP

I hate this when I’m packing / loading the car. I need to focus on the job in hand, and if someone chirps in with “don’t forget the x” it totally derails me.

new

People are busy. You cant be traipsing to the shops every 5 mins to get stuff People forgot to tell you about.

Or spending your one.mornimg off that week waiting fir deliveries you've had to pay a fiver extra for to ensure next day delivery because your time isn't considered important and you can just sort it out when they decide they are far to special to have to bother with all this rubbish...

Stop being a martyr & get him to do it every other week (& save your last minute items for him..). That way either he gets with the programme once he realises how irritating it is or you only have to deal with it 50% of the time. Either way you win.

@Popsicle438

If he asks for shower gel etc, why can't you write it on your list?

You didn't read the post properly did you. I explained why it annoys me.

@MagnoliaBeige

It’s a bit controlling to refuse to get him stuff because he doesn’t write it in a notepad, just tell him to wait until you’ve finished writing up the list and ask if anyone needs anything else.

Because I have been telling him.tbat for decades and he still does it. It doesn't work.

You sound incredibly intransigent, but if that's what keeps your militia - sorry, household - from descending into unfathomable chaos, then needs must. 😎