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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Every bloody week it's the same

232 replies

countrygirl99 · 27/08/2021 18:33

I have a system for planning my weekly shop. It's been the same for years. There is a notepad in the kitchen and during the weeks if you notice a store cupboard item or toiletries etc are getting low you are supposed to write it on the pad. Friday I plan the meals for the week. I go through each meal and make sure we have the ingredients in the cupboard or on the shopping list then add anything else that is on the notepad. That way we should have everything we need. Every bloody week I'll be working my way through the meal plan checking the ingredients and DH will randomly ask for his shower gel or marmite or whatever meaning I loose my train of thought. I've taken to refusing to put it on the shopping lit unless he has written it on the notepad to try and train him. Apparently it is totally unreasonable to expect him to remember to use the system but not unreasonable for him to disrupt my train of thought.

YABU - bless, he's a man it's too complicated for his simple mind.
YANBU - make him go without if he doesn't floor hge system.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 27/08/2021 19:59

Goodness me. How draining.

Eilatan2018 · 27/08/2021 19:59

@countrygirl99 and people who say stuff like this ‘ YABU - bless, he's a man it's too complicated for his simple mind.’ … just infuriate me.. how sexist can you get?

shouldistop · 27/08/2021 20:00

I thought I was inflexible Grin

If he isn't pulling his weight in other ways then that's another matter though.

Theunamedcat · 27/08/2021 20:01

How complicated you actually expect him to write something down?

I'm assuming he is illiterate?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 27/08/2021 20:04

I would stab him in his sleep

Not really!

Just thinking aloud.

Jangle33 · 27/08/2021 20:07

Why are you doing the weekly shop every week? Why do you need “a system”? Can’t you share the load with him?

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/08/2021 20:12

DP and I make the shopping list together. Someone will start a list and the other adds to it. I usually do the shop and remember extra bits as I go. We also meal plan together. Your system seems very rigid and, to be honest, I wouldn’t use it just because you told me I had to.

Why not share the mental load with DH? Surely this is fairer and more inclusive.

Sadiecow · 27/08/2021 20:15

How very old fashioned, no way would I write a request down!

It's

Alexa add shower gel to the shopping list.

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 20:18

Why not share the mental load with DH? Surely this is fairer and more inclusive

Or op could wait til he's doing his endless research for a holiday and interrupt him every five mins

" oh that beach reminds me can we need to look at a new fridge. "

Oh while you are in the lap top can you re order DCs prescription.

Oh before you sign off can you check the bank app app see of the rent went through.

Add plumvers to your search list cos the tap upstairs is leaking.

I wonder how he'd react to not being allowed to get on with it

YeOldeTrout · 27/08/2021 20:19

You can cling self-righteously to resentment or you can find a system that works for both of you.

Sparklfairy · 27/08/2021 20:19

I don't understand these replies. I live alone and fly by the seat of my pants to my detriment when it comes to shopping, but if someone handled it all for me and had a system which made it flow perfectly, then it's basic respect to follow that system surely?

It's not rocket science. He knows if he sees he's run out of shower gel all he has to do is write it on the pad. He's deliberately choosing not do and fucking with the system as a way of undermining her.

If he thought the system was that 'militant' he'd just let her get on with it and pick up the forgotten bits from the shop.

This is deliberate sabotage.

SeoultoSeoul · 27/08/2021 20:19

I'm in awe of your level of organisation and glad that I don't live with you, in equal measure. Grin

1forAll74 · 27/08/2021 20:20

I don't care about these kind of things, getting upright about a kitchen shopping list is no big deal.. You really need another list stuck up, to tell people to obey your shopping list write up, or there will be serious consequences to be had. Choose your own punishments !

CampaignToo · 27/08/2021 20:23

I'd have lost the will to live long ago if planning a shopping list required the level of concentration where you could "lose your train of thought"

Gatehouse77 · 27/08/2021 20:25

Nope, I'm with you.

We menu plan on Sunday evening and I make the shopping list as we go. Anything else should be on the chalk board as we go through the week.
Luckily for them I usually do a top up shop on Thursdays.

Now and again, if I know DH is running out of shower gel, etc. I'll get it but sometimes, like you, I get pissed off and don't.
Same goes for the kids.

They're more or less 'trained'. Certainly good enough that it's never an issue.

HollyGrail · 27/08/2021 20:29

I wouldn't buy whatever it is - he'll learn.

Ragwort · 27/08/2021 20:29

I couldn't live like that, how inflexible ... it sounds like a military camp rather than a home. We don't have a 'system' ... we just chat about what we want to eat, check the cupboards and buy it ... surely life's too short to worry about shower gel Hmm?

Lunaduckdrop · 27/08/2021 20:36

A similar system works fine for us - he tends to ask me to put stuff on the list though as his writing is so illegible that even he can't read it!
However, the washing is another matter. I'll be putting a dark wash on and will ask if he has any extra dark stuff to wash. He'll say no. Then, the very following day, LOADS of dark stuff of his will magically appear in the laundry basket. Then because it doesn't get washed for a few days (he knows how to mend the washing machine but it's unclear whether he can put a wash on) he'll decide he's run out of socks and will buy extra pairs. His sock collection now no longer fits in the sock drawer!Hmm

AlmostSummer21 · 27/08/2021 20:37

@Sparklfairy

Fucking with the system

This is deliberate sabotage

Good grief - he just asked her to add mustard/shower gel to the bloidy list she was making. It hardly warrants that kind of reaction.

She's doing a shopping order, not brain surgery.

@countrygirl99.

WTAF are you cooking that takes that much focus you can't add a few things to a shopping list?

What's your day job?

Widown · 27/08/2021 20:51

I like you OP. I like you

Sparklfairy · 27/08/2021 20:55

@AlmostSummer21 it's every bloody week!? he's either spectacularly thick or undermining her.

AnnaDyne · 27/08/2021 21:00

We also use the Alexa - anyone can just add something to the shopping list. I do an online shop (or someone else does) and then people can add stuff to the basket if they want.

I think you're quite rigid. if he mentions something to you, just get it! Or let him do the shopping and the menu planning and have a break.

burritofan · 27/08/2021 21:23

How very old fashioned, no way would I write a request down!

It's

Alexa add shower gel to the shopping list.

You have a shopping list! No way would I do that! Your Alexa system is the same thing as writing down a list. Two different techs. The OP’s equivalent is if halfway through every Alexa instruction your DH leaned into the mic and went “Actually, I just remembered Marmite” and Alexa compiled a jumble of stuff because he kept interrupting. She’s just asking that when she’s checking cupboards and meal planning, he shuts up for a bit and doesn’t interrupt her.

Di11y · 27/08/2021 21:24

Definitely just ask him to hold on until you've finished the list for the random extras

LonstantonSpiceMuseum · 27/08/2021 21:25

This would annoy me too, I am really bad at multitasking meaning I cannot do any form of admin while someone is talking to me.
The absolute worst is when I think of something, then immediately forget it when interrupted!
On the other hand, I'm also the kind of person that probably would forget to add something to the list. Only to remember when someone else is in the middle of it. Perhaps he is also worried he'll forget and tells you as he can't get to the while you're doing it?
Does he give a reason for doing it?