Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@Blossomtoes what happens when it’s not reciprocated? What are you hoping to achieve by making young men uncomfortable?

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Blossomtoes what happens when it’s not reciprocated? What are you hoping to achieve by making young men uncomfortable?[/quote]
I’ve never made a young man uncomfortable. I’m pretty good at judging my audience.

But it’s not always reciprocated? So what happens then?

If my late dad had spoken to women like this I’d have died of shame. Similarly if a man spoke to my teenage daughter like this I’d be appalled. In my lifetime I have always felt slightly violated when men commented on my looks. A news story yesterday revealed a male boss calling a female employee a ‘sassy minx’ made me recoil. The other day a client commented on my linked in picture and said ‘hot stuff’ on the comments and I died a bit inside. I have always hated unwanted male attention. What I look like is none of their business.

@Pumperthepumper

But it’s not always reciprocated? So what happens then?

Nothing.

@Blossomtoes so you flirt with a young man who doesn’t want you to and nothing happens? How do you know you’ve not made him uncomfortable in that case?

This is getting a bit dull so to sum up: you’re being predatory and weird. Leave them alone.

I’ve never made a young man uncomfortable. I’m pretty good at judging my audience.

I'm sure this is what the mechanic in the OP would say too.

Stop. Abusing. People.

You’re right. It’s extremely dull. Please don’t call me abusive. It’s a shocking insult to people who have been genuinely abused.

@Blossomtoes

You’re right. It’s extremely dull. Please don’t call me abusive. It’s a shocking insult to people who have been genuinely abused.

It’s fair in this case, I’d say. Making advances onto people for your own entertainment is predatory.

Making advances onto people for your own entertainment is predatory

It certainly is. I don’t know anyone who does that, though.

@Blossomtoes

Making advances onto people for your own entertainment is predatory

It certainly is. I don’t know anyone who does that, though.

You said you did. Here: I’ve always been an incorrigible flirt and I’ve definitely got worse with age. I enjoy it

Predatory. And of course, you can’t know if these young men who don’t reciprocate have been abuse victims. Do you care?

@Blossomtoes

Making advances onto people for your own entertainment is predatory

It certainly is. I don’t know anyone who does that, though.

Definition of incorrigible : incapable of being corrected or amended: such as a(1): not reformable : DEPRAVED (2): DELINQUENT b: not manageable : UNRULY c: UNALTERABLE, INVETERATE

Incorrigible flirt

Yuk.

Sorry @georgeaibu, this thread seems to have become all about me for some reason. I’ll piss off so it can calm down.

Missing the point of the thread, tyres should always be bought in pairs.

However, he was hella creepy. I’d update your Facebook mums group accordingly.

@Blossomtoes

Sorry *@georgeaibu*, this thread seems to have become all about me for some reason. I’ll piss off so it can calm down.

Unwanted attention is horrible isn’t it?

It wouldn't bother me at all, but then I like a bit of banter.

Hi all, interesting development to the thread ...

To respond to a couple of points- It didn't feel like banter to me. Banter in my eyes is a bit of back and forth- there was no back and forth. In fact I've just googled and banter is defined by an exchange of comments. So by the 3rd 'line' it clearly was not banter.

And RE accusations of my ageism- I would not have liked any age stranger to talk to me like this, but yeah I did feel creepier given he is about 40 years older than me. If that makes me ageist then so be it.

I'm as plain as a pikestaff so this stuff never happens to me - but I don't think I'd give a shit. I'd actually quite like to have been called 'princess' at least once in my life. Closest I've ever had was a bloke I helped a contact and residence case, who sent me a card just before he went back to prison for hitting his ex's new bloke with a golf club (he was on licence). Thanet through and through. He signed it 'Stay lucky, treacle'. I still have it.

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.

Bloody hell..I certainly didn’t so speak to yourself that it is women under a certain age that dislike it. I have had to put up with 4 days of painters referring to me a “love” even when I was challenging them about the way they were doing things. I know it is a common term up north for men or women to refer to women you don’t know but he was just doing it to patronise me as he damn well knew my name I also hate being called “young lady” by stupid men who are serving me- I’ve worked out a shop before now and I’ve also told waiters I am not a young lady, it is patronising and clearly stupid as I am in my late 50s. Or being referred to as a girl in a professional encounter or by men. Only time I don’t mind is in purely social situations between women to indicate we’re not being too serious. Why do men do this- I guess they are the stupid or vain enough to think that all women are like you and will be flattered by their use of term and not that they are really just putting you in your place to big themselves up and pander their vanity,

@Georgeaibu exactly, banter. I would have responded to the banter with banter.
I don't mind being called Princess, Love, Darling, Young lady or even a girl and I'm not any of the above.

[quote BigRedFrog]@Georgeaibu exactly, banter. I would have responded to the banter with banter.
I don't mind being called Princess, Love, Darling, Young lady or even a girl and I'm not any of the above.[/quote]
I disagree, I wasn't engaging, hence not banter. Just one sided weirdness.

You misunderstood. I said I, as in me, I enjoy a bit of banter.

I couldn’t be bothered about ‘princess’ but ‘that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'. Your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty' is creepy weird.

[quote BigRedFrog]@Georgeaibu exactly, banter. I would have responded to the banter with banter.
I don't mind being called Princess, Love, Darling, Young lady or even a girl and I'm not any of the above.[/quote]
Scary amount of internalised misogyny showing here.

The first two I could overlook (although Princess 🙄) but the third is weird