Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@FinallyHere

You kind of had to know how to deal with a group of men, in a male dominated garage environment..

Does anyone still imagine that it's up to women to 'manage' men's inappropriate behaviour. ?

I learnt this recently. If you want your text to be in bold, you need to put an asterisk at the beginning and end of each line of text (no gap between letter and asterisk). I was doing what you've done and getting frustrated. Hope you don't mind that I hijacked your post but thought you might like to know.

@Mushtullo

I do that, too, *@insidenumber5*. ‘Why, thank you, petal!’ ‘After you, darling!’ A hint of surprise gets them ‘Oh, after you addressed me as X, I assumed we were on intimate terms, despite the fact I’ve ever laid eyes on you until you just sold me a Crunchie.’

But irony never works when you have to explain it. It makes you look a bit of a pretentious twit. Sorry.

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.

Women under a certain age……… seriously

@Westchesterarms so when men do it, it's sweet and nice but when women respond in kind they are being pretentious twits? Go preen to a fat old builder's wolf whistle.

Women under a certain age……… seriously

Yup. Absolutely seriously.

Is have been burning with rage at ‘princess’ I bloody hate that!

Princess is fine, probably the sort of guy that would call a man Chief.

The rest is a bit much, maybe a generational thing - but they'll all be retiring soon anyhow.

[quote insidenumber5]@Westchesterarms so when men do it, it's sweet and nice but when women respond in kind they are being pretentious twits? Go preen to a fat old builder's wolf whistle.[/quote]
Indeed. And I’m not sure that the kind of knuckledragger who defaults to addressing female strangers as ‘Princess’ — but manages never to do the same with men — has an advanced grasp of irony, anyway.

Completely inappropriate and gross. Why do men think it’s okay to comment on an unknown woman’s appearance? I’d have felt uncomfortable too.

Should have asked him if you were pretty enough to get a generous discount.

But fitting a new tyre is like making love to a beautiful woman

MN needs more Swiss Tony references.

It wouldn't bother me tbh. He was just complementing you. This generation grew up with this type of talk so it's ingrained in them, it's difficult for them to change their ways as they've been doing it for so long. He wasn't been leery, so it was his way of complementing you. Saying a person's other half is lucky is something I even say myself and I often have to stop myself as so many people are offended by it. If he had been younger and good looking would you have been offended or found it inappropriate ?

@Blossomtoes

Women under a certain age……… seriously

Yup. Absolutely seriously.

I am over a “certain age” and I would hate this - my friends also mostly a “certain age” would also find this annoying. I find it annoying that you seem to feel able to say with assurance what the actions would be related to a women of a “certain age” - it’s individuals of all ages, some would not mind some would find it annoying, some offensive- stop with the generalisation.

No. But men aren't being ironic. They mean it. If you don't like it, be honest and tell them.

But, instead you are trying to embarrass them by mimicking them. Which is fine. But then you decide to explain why you're doing it. They either got it, so you don't need to explain. You've made your point. Fine. No argument with that. But @Mushtullo likes to go on and explain, and its the explaining that makes you look like you're trying to be clever but failing and looking like a pretentious twit.

He sounds a bit Off to me .Calling Princess ,I wouldnt like .However saying my Husband was lucky to have me and I look really pretty ,are nor professional at all! I would find another garage .A few years ago I used a garage which had topless calendars .After a couple of times I felt too uncomfortable to go there any more.

@Mushtullo
"Indeed. And I’m not sure that the kind of knuckledragger who defaults to addressing female strangers as ‘Princess’ — but manages never to do the same with men — has an advanced grasp of irony, anyway."

Exactly. Which is why you're best not using it.

Would you have said the same to someone? Anyone?

'hello handsome, I wondered if you could help?'.
'it's my pleasure to wait, I'm enjoying the view'.
'your wife is a very lucky woman, you're really attractive'.

Nope.

@Haywirecity

No. But men aren't being ironic. They mean it. If you don't like it, be honest and tell them.

But, instead you are trying to embarrass them by mimicking them. Which is fine. But then you decide to explain why you're doing it. They either got it, so you don't need to explain. You've made your point. Fine. No argument with that. But @Mushtullo likes to go on and explain, and its the explaining that makes you look like you're trying to be clever but failing and looking like a pretentious twit.

You seem awfully concerned with what these men think, far more than I am, @Haywirecity. I hand them a learning opportunity. If they aren’t able to profit by it, as their mental apparatus creaks desperately into an unaccustomed gear, it’s really not on me.

Definitely inappropriate! Even worse as a breaker, advertising cars or parts, with the inevitable "you won't get more than £100 for that love, I'll take it off your hands xxx". No, I asked for £250 because I know its current market value, and it was literally an additional source of income at one point. 😬
I would also find another garage, if you don't want to tell him how inappropriate he's being, it is wearing.

@Mushtullo. I don't care what they think, I'm just trying to save you from making yourself look foolish. But if you don't care about looking foolish, then go for it.

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.

Seriously? That is not complimentary behaviour. It is decidedly creepy. And I say that as a woman in my mid-50's.

Flirting and compliments have their place, and engaging with a customer (particularly one less than half your age) in a workplace is definitely not an appropriate place.

Meh. I'd have given it back to him full barrel to be honest.

[quote Haywirecity]@Mushtullo. I don't care what they think, I'm just trying to save you from making yourself look foolish. But if you don't care about looking foolish, then go for it.[/quote]
Thats what I just said, you seem awfully concerned about someone ‘looking foolish’ in the eyes of a knuckledragger?

Creep.

Very creepy. When will these men learn.