Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@Foramen

On the basis of your last paragraph, you should be flattered. Remember, if he is as old as you say then he was brought up and spent his teens and twenties in times when it was quite normal to compliment a pretty girl who then didn't go running off complaining. It's like getting a wolf-whistle. I've always thought them very flattering. Too old for them now!

So? Even if it were true he was brought up in an era that you could say anything at all to women - he’s now lived another 40+ years past that. Do you still behave the same as you did in your 20s? I’m guessing not.

Can understand your discomfort as I would’ve been the same at your age but I don’t think he (at his age) realised it would make you feel that way. He’s of the age where men were ‘allowed’ to ‘flatter’ women and make those sorts of comments.

However a good few years ago I was filling up with petrol and sensed 2 blokes (hairy arsed builder types) in a van staring at me...I kept looking behind me, convinced they were looking at someone else. I went in to pay and they were still staring so I stared to feel v uncomfortable. When I came back out the driver opened his door and said “I’m so sorry we are staring at you so much but you are absolutely bloody beautiful” and drove off. I went bright red and said something like “oh right”......the rest of the day though I drove around feeling like frikkin Beyoncé 😂 😂

I don't understand why you need to seek others opinions. It's about how it made you feel and whether you felt it appropriate that counts. And obviously you are then free to take your business elsewhere, which I would guess that you would do.

My Sister In Law took a call yesterday from a Sales Person (Man). He was asking to speak to a Mrs ***. She replied Sorry Love you have the wrong number. He replied I am not your love and hung up. Around where I live we have a lot of terms of endearments, so I guess I better stop using them. Personally I would not have been offened by the comments but can see some people would. If the Garage is good I would use it again as finding good, reliable Garages is a must. I can remember going to get new brake pads from a named Garage and they advised that I needed new discs also. I knew I didn't as my Dad had changed them for me but did not want to go under the car again to do the pads😂😅🤣. If people make me that uncomfortable who I have to deal with Men and Women alike I send my husband. OP out of interest if the person was the same age as you (either gender) would you of been as uncomfortable? My father (totally lovely man) calls everyone Love and engages with anyone he interacts with should I tell him to stop?

@Endoftether2000

My Sister In Law took a call yesterday from a Sales Person (Man). He was asking to speak to a Mrs ***. She replied Sorry Love you have the wrong number. He replied I am not your love and hung up. Around where I live we have a lot of terms of endearments, so I guess I better stop using them. Personally I would not have been offened by the comments but can see some people would. If the Garage is good I would use it again as finding good, reliable Garages is a must. I can remember going to get new brake pads from a named Garage and they advised that I needed new discs also. I knew I didn't as my Dad had changed them for me but did not want to go under the car again to do the pads😂😅🤣. If people make me that uncomfortable who I have to deal with Men and Women alike I send my husband. OP out of interest if the person was the same age as you (either gender) would you of been as uncomfortable? My father (totally lovely man) calls everyone Love and engages with anyone he interacts with should I tell him to stop?

That's very different though, he didn't use a term like 'love'. He repeatedly made comments about her appearance specifically, despite her not reciprocating the same behaviour or appearing pleased / flattered.

Totally different sitting being objectified with uninvited comments about your appearance vs someone saying 'love'.

@Endoftether2000

My Sister In Law took a call yesterday from a Sales Person (Man). He was asking to speak to a Mrs ***. She replied Sorry Love you have the wrong number. He replied I am not your love and hung up. Around where I live we have a lot of terms of endearments, so I guess I better stop using them. Personally I would not have been offened by the comments but can see some people would. If the Garage is good I would use it again as finding good, reliable Garages is a must. I can remember going to get new brake pads from a named Garage and they advised that I needed new discs also. I knew I didn't as my Dad had changed them for me but did not want to go under the car again to do the pads😂😅🤣. If people make me that uncomfortable who I have to deal with Men and Women alike I send my husband. OP out of interest if the person was the same age as you (either gender) would you of been as uncomfortable? My father (totally lovely man) calls everyone Love and engages with anyone he interacts with should I tell him to stop?

I guess a better question would be - would your dad like a string of comments from another man about how attractive he was and how his wife was a lucky man? Or would that make him uncomfortable?

Why do people keep ruminating on how their lovely dad/uncle/grandpa calls women love/dear, while ignoring that this man made repeated comments in her physical appearances that she did not respond to?

People are happy to jump in with ‘oh so shall I tell my grandpa he can never ever ever smile at a woman again??!!!’

Well, no, but most adult men can tell that after one ‘compliment’ has been ignored, more aren’t wanted.

I can remember going to get new brake pads from a named Garage and they advised that I needed new discs also. I knew I didn't as my Dad had changed them for me but did not want to go under the car again to do the pads

That makes no sense as you always fit new pads with new discs.

Don't go to Cornwall then, you might be called "my lover".

Shade 17 Read the bit about him not wanting to go back under the car... He didn't want to go back on the floor to do the pads

So it kinda makes sense...

Pumper the pumper funny you should say that but my father has been told on many occasions by men, how good looking he is and many have said his wife is lucky to have him especially as he can turn his hand to anything.

@Endoftether2000

Pumper the pumper funny you should say that but my father has been told on many occasions by men, how good looking he is and many have said his wife is lucky to have him especially as he can turn his hand to anything.

And he loves that attention from other men he’s alone with? That’s something he enjoys?

😂😅🤣Like most people you are reading under lying sub text which really isn't there. Maybe some things are really are just what they are. Only people that believe every thing has an underlying sub meaning would look deeper into the comment. You are just labelling a situation which is not always there😂😅😂😅🤣😅😂🤣.

@Endoftether2000

Pumper the pumper funny you should say that but my father has been told on many occasions by men, how good looking he is and many have said his wife is lucky to have him especially as he can turn his hand to anything.

He must be gutted Chariots in Vauxhall didn't reopen after the lockdown.

@Endoftether2000

Can you really not see the difference between:

• Having someone repeatedly made comments about your appearance specifically, despite you not reciprocating the same behaviour or appearing pleased / flattered

• Having someone call you 'love' or similar

?

@Endoftether2000

😂😅🤣Like most people you are reading under lying sub text which really isn't there. Maybe some things are really are just what they are. Only people that believe every thing has an underlying sub meaning would look deeper into the comment. You are just labelling a situation which is not always there😂😅😂😅🤣😅😂🤣.

Who is? That was the question I asked you - does he enjoy comments about how good looking he is from other men (ie does he enjoy being in the OP’s position) and your answer was ‘he gets comments from other men all the time about how good looking he is’. Does he enjoy that?

Journeyofthedragons Phobic joke wasted don't even know where Vauxhall is

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@Endoftether2000

Can you really not see the difference between:

• Having someone repeatedly made comments about your appearance specifically, despite you not reciprocating the same behaviour or appearing pleased / flattered

• Having someone call you 'love' or similar

?[/quote]
Yeah to me pet/dear is punctuation for a lot of people, even women
I'll be on the phone and talking to a customer and they'll be
"Yeah sure pet"
"What day have you got pet?"
"Can you do this pet?"
"Bye now pet"

We take calls for a lot of different areas and I can usually guess where from if they start using duck/lover/pet

Youvegottenminuteslynn I can but did anybody take note of what the man said to my sister in law. Which has not been commented on. Obviously comment lines from people are all blurring into one. So any comment from an individual can be taken as offensive. Reactions to comments in person are are all in the body language and face as well as verbal interaction.

Like @Blossomtoes I am an incorrigible flirt and have become worse with age. I'm sitting here laughing my ass off that I am harasssing men (or all ages and women too really as I often call them beautiful), using my privilege to make them uncomfortable or any of the other crazy accusations.

She said she flirts with them, not that she covertly gropes them under the table or suggests a clandestine meetup might help their career.

Flirting is good-natured, harmless and delivered in good humour with the intention of making the other person feel good. It's not a proposition.

Labelling it intimidation is nonsensical. Intimidation is intimidation. Intimidation is not flirting.

I was once in a restaurant where the waiter wouldn't take his eyes off me, followed me and waited outside the bathroom where he made me distinctly uncomfortable after me telling him I had a boyfriend (I was too polite back then). Intimidation, harassment.

Another time I walked into a restaurant and the maitre d walked me to the table of friends and when within their earshot said I should be having dinner with him or something to that effect before he laughed and left. Flirting which clearly had no real intention behind it and made me feel a million dollars. As I was last to the table i assume all the ladies received a similar welcome, I don't think he was actually overwhelmed by my beauty.

@Honeymare

Like *@Blossomtoes* I am an incorrigible flirt and have become worse with age. I'm sitting here laughing my ass off that I am harasssing men (or all ages and women too really as I often call them beautiful), using my privilege to make them uncomfortable or any of the other crazy accusations.

She said she flirts with them, not that she covertly gropes them under the table or suggests a clandestine meetup might help their career.

Flirting is good-natured, harmless and delivered in good humour with the intention of making the other person feel good. It's not a proposition.

Labelling it intimidation is nonsensical. Intimidation is intimidation. Intimidation is not flirting.

I was once in a restaurant where the waiter wouldn't take his eyes off me, followed me and waited outside the bathroom where he made me distinctly uncomfortable after me telling him I had a boyfriend (I was too polite back then). Intimidation, harassment.

Another time I walked into a restaurant and the maitre d walked me to the table of friends and when within their earshot said I should be having dinner with him or something to that effect before he laughed and left. Flirting which clearly had no real intention behind it and made me feel a million dollars. As I was last to the table i assume all the ladies received a similar welcome, I don't think he was actually overwhelmed by my beauty.

It’s only good humoured and harmless if the other person welcomes your flirting.

So how do you know if they do? Do you have a 100% success rate with the people you flirt with, do they always respond in kind?

@Honeymare

So based on OP's first post, which category do you think the bloke in question's comments likely fell into?

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@Honeymare

So based on OP's first post, which category do you think the bloke in question's comments likely fell into?[/quote]
I think that man demonstrated very poor judgement because op didn't laugh or respond. She didn't enjoy it.

@Pumperthepumper if by respond in kind you mean smile and look pleased then yes.