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AIBU?

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Original poster

Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

362 replies

georgeaibu · 26/08/2021 13:08

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

OP posts:
Shallwegoforawalk · 26/08/2021 15:21

Urrrgggghhhhh he's a sexist old creep who needs told it's highly inappropriate.
And I'm in my 50's so apparently of a "certain age" according to a posterHmm but still think he's a misogynistic dinosaur who deserves to be told his personal judgements are not wanted or required. Yuk yuk yuk.

Haywirecity · 26/08/2021 15:22

@Mushtullo. I wouldn't want to look foolish in the eyes of anyone. I suspect you're happy looking foolish so maybe it's no big deal for you.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/08/2021 15:23

Inappropriate but not unusual from entitled men.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/08/2021 15:24

@Thethreecs

It wouldn't bother me tbh. He was just complementing you. This generation grew up with this type of talk so it's ingrained in them, it's difficult for them to change their ways as they've been doing it for so long. He wasn't been leery, so it was his way of complementing you. Saying a person's other half is lucky is something I even say myself and I often have to stop myself as so many people are offended by it. If he had been younger and good looking would you have been offended or found it inappropriate ?
Another agist post.

No, men of this generation did not grow up with this kind of talk. Gobshites of this generation (and every other generation) grew up with this kind of talk. "Complimenting" a total stranger in a work related context is totally inappropriate. It was sleazy in the 70's when I first encountered it and it's sleazy now.

FamBae · 26/08/2021 15:25

I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable op but I'm sure it was not intended to upset you. My husband quite often calls women Princess or Pet and he's certainly not creepy (just over fifty Grin) and occasionally gets an earfull for it particularly from the younger generation.

SwimmingUnderwater · 26/08/2021 15:26

I wouldn’t go back.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/08/2021 15:28

@bunnybuggs

I hate the way the OP and others emphasise the fact the man was 60-70 and therefore creepy. He was trying to be nice and friendly and put you at your ease. Very judgemental IMO
His age is irrelevant to my mind. His behaviour was sleazy and would have been equally sleazy if he was in his 20's.
insidenumber5 · 26/08/2021 15:28

[quote Haywirecity]@Mushtullo. I wouldn't want to look foolish in the eyes of anyone. I suspect you're happy looking foolish so maybe it's no big deal for you.[/quote]
Who put you in charge of what women are and aren't allowed to say to men?

Outbutnotoutout · 26/08/2021 15:31

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.
Most women don't want creepy old men making comments....and I'm 50!!

Just leave us alone to go about our business

Haywirecity · 26/08/2021 15:32

@insidenumber5. I've been quite clear you can say whatever you like. Where have I said that someone is "not allowed" to say something?

HarrietsChariot · 26/08/2021 15:34

Who put you in charge of what women are and aren't allowed to say to men?

A somewhat ironic statement, given that this thread is full of people determining what men are and aren't allowed to say to women!

I think I'll join in and consider myself in charge of saying he isn't allowed to say what he did.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/08/2021 15:34

Most women don't want creepy old men making comments....and I'm 50!!

Or creepy young men either.

insidenumber5 · 26/08/2021 15:37

[quote Haywirecity]@insidenumber5. I've been quite clear you can say whatever you like. Where have I said that someone is "not allowed" to say something?[/quote]
Here:

'Exactly. Which is why you're best not using it.'

FinallyHere · 26/08/2021 15:42

@moonbedazzled

thank you. I'm sure it's kindly meant but I am a bit baffled by what you are trying to tell me. I put an asterisk at the beginning and end of the section I was quoting, so the whole section who appear in bold.

I'd taken a screen shot to demo.

Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?
JudgeRindersMinder · 26/08/2021 15:43

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.
I’m a bit like you, take it in the spirit in which it was meant-apart from anything I can’t be arsed with the anger so many people generate around these things.

I was once away to put air in my tyres and an elderly gent offered to do it for me, using the words “It isn’t that I don’t think you’re capable, but I don’t think you should have to”. It made my bloody day and it’s the kind of nice thing my dad would have done. No need to piss on his chips

FinallyHere · 26/08/2021 15:44

@Thethreecs

This generation grew up with this type of talk so it's ingrained in them,

I'm Sixty one, I doubt he was that much older than me. It might have been acceptable in my first decade, by the second I had learned that this was not acceptable.

MarkleSpotion · 26/08/2021 15:48

@FamBae

I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable op but I'm sure it was not intended to upset you. My husband quite often calls women Princess or Pet and he's certainly not creepy (just over fifty Grin) and occasionally gets an earfull for it particularly from the younger generation.
Ugh, What a disgusting man
Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 15:49

@Blossomtoes did I read that right, you make inappropriate comments to young men? Why?

Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 15:50

I was once away to put air in my tyres and an elderly gent offered to do it for me, using the words “It isn’t that I don’t think you’re capable, but I don’t think you should have to”. It made my bloody day and it’s the kind of nice thing my dad would have done. No need to piss on his chips

How is that even remotely the same thing?

Haywirecity · 26/08/2021 15:59

@insidenumber5
FYI
Not allowed = forbidden - no choice
Best not = advice - your choice
Poster said she was OK with looking foolish. I said to poster, if you don't care about looking foolish, then go for it. And I say to you, if you don't care about looking foolish, then go for it. Look foolish, it's no skin off my nose.

Shallwegoforawalk · 26/08/2021 16:18

@FamBae

I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable op but I'm sure it was not intended to upset you. My husband quite often calls women Princess or Pet and he's certainly not creepy (just over fifty Grin) and occasionally gets an earfull for it particularly from the younger generation.

If he's calling women unwanted and unnecessary "pet names" he IS a creep! Ugh. It's 2021 not the 70's.

Hasn't he learned yet from all the glares it's just not acceptable? Or does he get a wee thrill in his pants when he gets a telling off from a (young) woman? Or does he just enjoy making them uncomfortable.

Can't think of any other reason he would continue with this creepy sexist behaviour when it's obvious it's unwanted. 🤮 grim!!

DinosApple · 26/08/2021 17:01

DH and I used to run a garage, independent, honest and very popular.
Busy with lots of repeat male and female customers both ordinary folk and trade. None of our guys (or DH) would have spoken to a woman like that. Nor would I have spoken to a man like that.

I worked front of house there from my mid 20s for 10 years. When there were comments however it was always older male customers (never trade though).

'[DH's name] is very lucky!' was always met with 'Yes, he is bloody lucky!' I got called love, sweetheart and darling a lot though.

When there was a real creep, I'd get one of the burley guys to deal with them!

JudgeRindersMinder · 26/08/2021 17:08

@Pumperthepumper

I was once away to put air in my tyres and an elderly gent offered to do it for me, using the words “It isn’t that I don’t think you’re capable, but I don’t think you should have to”. It made my bloody day and it’s the kind of nice thing my dad would have done. No need to piss on his chips

How is that even remotely the same thing?

Because in MN land I should be enraged that a male even offered, even though it came from a good place, like the comments OP had at her garage…where I come from we call it banter
Pumperthepumper · 26/08/2021 17:30

Because in MN land I should be enraged that a male even offered, even though it came from a good place, like the comments OP had at her garage…where I come from we call it banter

If you can’t see the difference between a man being helpful and a man deliberately being sleezy then maybe that’s something you need to work on.

Blossomtoes · 26/08/2021 17:32

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Blossomtoes did I read that right, you make inappropriate comments to young men? Why?[/quote]
I don’t make inappropriate comments to young men - or perhaps I do by current puritanical standards? I’ve always been an incorrigible flirt and I’ve definitely got worse with age. I enjoy it and it’s often reciprocated because I’m way too old to present any kind of threat.