Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@phishy

Would it have said any of it to a man? No way, so i was inappropropriate.

An older woman might say equivalent things to a man. I might have been known to ... 🤷‍♀️

Inappropriate IMO

Also such a stupid way to judge a person, by their looks.

Comments 1 & 2 I'd be fine with. 3 is not really OK .

I’d hate being called Princess but I’d shrug it off. The second comment would make me uncomfortable. The third comment is way over the line.

@PollyPepper I didn't say it was nice. I said it sounds like he was trying to be nice...

Why in god’s name would it be in any way ‘flattering’ for a random garage mechanic to think his opinion of your appearance holds any importance for you, let alone that it’s some indication of your husband’s status?

Imagine you’re at work, in a public-facing role — are you in the habit of addressing male customers as ‘Prince’ and repeatedly remarking on their appearance when you’re supposed to be fixing something for them? Would this somehow be more acceptable if you were in your sixties? Do you think 20something men are on tenterhooks about what women in their 60s think of their appearance?

One comment is fine. Several not fine. IMHO

I hate the way the OP and others emphasise the fact the man was 60-70 and therefore creepy. He was trying to be nice and friendly and put you at your ease.

Very judgemental IMO

I would have thought it quite funny really. I am an oldie. but when I was about 19/20 ish I used to work in a garage, in the 1960's era. The manager was a bit like the man you have described, and perhaps 60 ish in age. He became a bit of a joke with all the good looking younger mechanics in the garage, because of his sickly chat up lines, while the younger men all knew how to get the attention from women,being 60's era guys, and not using some out of date chat towards women.

I kind of got use to this old managers sickly ways, in those days women didn't seem to be bothered about some overweight paunchy bloke who was a lothario type, well this describes the garage manager where I worked. You kind of had to know how to deal with a group of men, in a male dominated garage environment..

@bunnybuggs

I hate the way the OP and others emphasise the fact the man was 60-70 and therefore creepy. He was trying to be nice and friendly and put you at your ease. Very judgemental IMO

His age is irrelevant. His sexist assumption that the OP has the remotest interest in what he thinks of her appearance is.

How could that possibly be flattering ?

If his intention was honestly to be charming to the customer, then he really should have the sense to pick on something that you can change and have chosen when he picks something to compliment.

Praise for your looks suggests they are something for his pleasure. Ugh.

@bunnybuggs

I hate the way the OP and others emphasise the fact the man was 60-70 and therefore creepy. He was trying to be nice and friendly and put you at your ease. Very judgemental IMO

No he was not nice and friendly, he was a creep. HTH.

His age is a fact, why should it be hidden? Op didn't insult his age, she just described him.

And no, he shouldn't be creepy, old men don't get a free pass.

It wouldn't stop me going back if the tyres were good value.

You kind of had to know how to deal with a group of men, in a male dominated garage environment..

Does anyone still imagine that it's up to women to 'manage' men's inappropriate behaviour. ?

But fitting a new tyre is like making love to a beautiful woman

TBH I’d be more concerned about whether they did a good job without ripping you off.

I used to loathe the big Ford garage where I took my car for service - no creepy comments, but invariably one of those blokes sucking their teeth and (correctly) assuming that since I was pretty clueless and couldn’t argue, he could tell me that the dranglewump was buggered so that’d be an extra £213.75p plus VAT.

Eventually I started using an independent young mechanic, who’d fetch the car and bring it back, who’d show me and explain any part he’d had to replace, and was invariably considerably cheaper. Thanks to him that car went on to a very ripe old age.

A woman has every right to get her car repaired without being judged ( even favourably) on her appearance. It's none of his business, you didn't ask for his opinion, would he also give an unsolicited opinion if he didn't like your appearance? A man can be friendly and polite to a woman without being a creep.

Adult DD always gets sent to the bike shop when we have punctures. The bikes are always promised back by noon, whereas when adult DSs go, we have to wait until the next day to get the back.

Meh, it’s a generation thing, I think it’s meant with friendly intentions but not flirtatious. I knew lots of cockney south Londoners who would talk like that many moons ago. But times change so perhaps it could be considered a bit sexist now.

@bunnybuggs

I hate the way the OP and others emphasise the fact the man was 60-70 and therefore creepy. He was trying to be nice and friendly and put you at your ease. Very judgemental IMO

She's in her 20's, of course he's a fucking creep. If my dad spoke to women in their 20's like this I would be embarrassed to be related to him.

I usually counter 'men just being nice' comments like this by using female pet names back to them. 'Ah thank you queen', 'that's great doll'! They hate it.

“Princess” would have been the point that I left, and got tyres elsewhere. Horrible

If I were 20, ugh, no, not nice and very creepy.

Now I'm 60, I might give a little simper and see if he'd knock something off the price. I'd definitely have a chuckle.

Another good test: would he have said any of that if your husband or his wife were standing there next to you? Probably not because it's inappropriate.

You are NEVER unreasonable to feel uncomfortable.

This kind of every day harassment needs to stop. It needs calling out. It needs men to know and accept that it makes us uncomfortable rather than them expecting us to find it flattering.

I do that, too, @insidenumber5. ‘Why, thank you, petal!’ ‘After you, darling!’ A hint of surprise gets them ‘Oh, after you addressed me as X, I assumed we were on intimate terms, despite the fact I’ve ever laid eyes on you until you just sold me a Crunchie.’