Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@BigRedFrog - exactly, banter. I would have responded to the banter with banter.

It's only banter if it goes both directions. Until the second person responds, it is a comment

Maybe a bit old school and thought he was being complimentary? Wouldn't bother me at all and if garage was good value and didn't rip me off then I would go back.

“Princess??!” Is the garage in Albert Square?

On a serious note OP YANBU I’d find this really creepy he’s massively overstepping the mark

In my youth I would have laughed and felt flattered. At my age, I'd probably laugh and say " you'd better not be charging for these compliments" or similar. Reading it on paper however, it does seem a bit creepy. It wouldn't stop me going back. Just say something like "oh don't start with that old load of flannel again, ha ha"

I wouldnt go back. It is just not on to speak to a woman as a sex object like that in that context.

Nothing will ever change because we cannot agree on anything on this thread.
Should we say something or let it go?
Are you offended because you are young and /or woke?
Is he a creepy old man or is it just generational 🤔?
When we can all agree on these issues, then we stand a fighting chance of change.

Fail to see the internalised misogyny in my post, but hey ho.
Yes, banter is both ways which is why I said I enjoy banter as I respond with return banter, not the op.

hello princess, how can I help? 🤮

that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely 🤮

your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty you should’ve told him you were a lesbian.

Id be considering making a complaint - to head office if it’s a chain. What a creep.

Id be considering making a complaint - to head office if it’s a chain. What a creep

I agree, he shouldn't be working anywhere where he has access to women.

@BigRedFrog - Yes, banter is both ways which is why I said I enjoy banter as I respond with return banter, not the op

You stated I would have responded to the banter with banter. which most definitely suggests rather strongly that you believe his comments were banter.

They were not banter. They were comments that, in this instance, were inappropriate. The fact the op did not respond in kind indicates she did not enjoy them or consider them to be "banter" material. Him continuing to make the comments makes his behaviour even more inappropriate.

There was a similar thread on here recently where the mechanic pulled the OP's personal email address and then sent a message inviting her out for a drink - these men are disgusting and need to be stopped.

@Blossomtoes

He hasn’t got the memo that women under a certain age dislike compliments. I’m a similar age to him and become more flirtatious as I get older, in the sure and certain knowledge that nobody would take me seriously.

It really isn’t just women under a certain age. It’s women across the full spectrum who don’t like it. You just don’t happen to be one of them.

The whole thing... from beginning to end was incredibly inappropriate!!!

I can't see what was inappropriate about it, but hey ho each to their own.

@BigRedFrog

I can't see what was inappropriate about it, but hey ho each to their own.

Would you make comments to a colleague like that?

Well he could be a sweet old fella or he could be another John Christie. If he made you uncomfortable enough to post this then you probably shouldn't go back.

@BigRedFrog

I can't see what was inappropriate about it, but hey ho each to their own.

Would you like me to point it out to you?

@BigRedFrog

I can't see what was inappropriate about it, but hey ho each to their own.

The problem is these so called "car mechanics" have had their minds twisted by porn and think that women are just there for their visual entertainment.

Not RTFT but tbh I couldn't get worked up about this, he's just an old timer stuck in his ways and probably meant no harm at all.

@Doingtheboxerbeat

Nothing will ever change because we cannot agree on anything on this thread. Should we say something or let it go? Are you offended because you are young and /or woke? Is he a creepy old man or is it just generational 🤔? When we can all agree on these issues, then we stand a fighting chance of change.

There are about 30m women in the UK. 30m women are not going to agree on everything. So how about those women who are offended say, don't do that again. And those who are not offended just get on with their lives. Why don't we women take responsibility for ourselves and respond as we think appropriate, and not judge other women for thinking and responding differently? I have no problem saying to anyone, man or woman, don't call me love. I'm not insulted or patronised , I just don't like it. Most of my friends don't care - it's common usage where I live. They don't comment on me not liking it, I don't comment on them not being bothered. I certainly wouldn't call them internalised misogynists or any other such crap. If you're responsible enough to vote; have kids; fight, possibly die, for your country; then you should be capable of saying to a man, don't call me princess. FFS.

@Journeyofthedragons
"The problem is these so called "car mechanics" have had their minds twisted by porn and think that women are just there for their visual entertainment."

You are ridiculous.

If you find it inappropriate then it is. Because he can’t ever know how it’s going to be received so the best thing is he just doesn’t say such things.
Would I be offended-no, but others might be.
If he was a younger hunky guy I would’ve found it flattering.
I am somewhat older than you and would laugh it off or make a joke back.

No, creepy and weird. Do you think he makes repeated comments on the physical appearances of their male customers.

‘Ooh look at you you big handsome beefcake, we’ll enjoy having you in the waiting room you sexy man. You’ve got a lucky wife since you’re so good looking.’

I doubt it.

Also, it would have been clear op didn’t enjoy it from her lack of response to the first comment on her appearance. So why do it twice more?

In my eyes, flirting goes like this - one light opener, which you then follow if it seems to hit right, or stop immediately if it doesn’t.

So, you would say to them ‘I like your hair, it’s so pretty’ and if they reply ‘thanks, you’ve got really nice eyes’ then you can continue. If you say ‘you’re so pretty’ and they say nothing or you get a very short/sharp reply, you don’t continue with more leery comments.

@LimeRedBanana yes and I do.