Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

[georgeaibu]

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

@Blossomtoes

And @Blossomtoes bringing up her own behaviour as a way of invalidating the OP’s feelings deserves the response she got. It’s shitty behaviour regardless

Except I didn’t.

You said you were an incorrigible flirt, often (but not always!) reciprocated. That’s your own words

Which is not the same thing as “making someone feel uncomfortable for their own amusement”. If you can’t see the difference there really is absolutely no hope for you.

Go and apply your finely honed bullying skills to Pipedownpete, there’s a lot to get your teeth into there.

What happens when they don’t reciprocate? If you’re too much of a coward to tell us, I guess we’ll have to agree you make them uncomfortable. Because you enjoy it.

Not at all

What happens when they don’t reciprocate? If you’re too much of a coward to tell us, I guess we’ll have to agree you make them uncomfortable. Because you enjoy it

I answered it the first time you asked. My reply is still there on page 5.

@Blossomtoes

What happens when they don’t reciprocate? If you’re too much of a coward to tell us, I guess we’ll have to agree you make them uncomfortable. Because you enjoy it

I answered it the first time you asked. My reply is still there on page 5.

When you said ‘nothing’? That’s your answer?

But then how do you know it isn’t reciprocated? Magic?

Wouldn’t have bothered me, my old mechanic used to call me tinkerbelle! He was about the same age as my grandad!
Made some comments when I got divorced about what I fool my ex was etc etc!
Used to call my kids princess.

But that’s just me, wasn’t particularly flattered by it but at the same time not offended.

But then how do you know it isn’t reciprocated? Magic?

Already answered that one too. What exactly are you getting out of this?

@Blossomtoes

But then how do you know it isn’t reciprocated? Magic?

Already answered that one too. What exactly are you getting out of this?

Just the opportunity to tell off a creep. What are you getting out of it? The opportunity to brag to strangers how you enjoy flirting with young men regardless of whether or not they want you to? That’s a bit sad.

And I disagree that, because women suffer more overall, they should be let off when they display unwelcome, predatory behaviour

This.
Some folk here seem to think it's ok to behave inappropriately and make people feel uncomfortable as long as they're punching up.

I’m not letting you get away scotfree with being an out and out bully. You make things up, call people names and badger over and over again with the same questions.

This exchange has got way past ridiculous now. I have nothing better to do because I’m temporarily sofa bound but surely you have something better to do with your one and only life than stick the boot into someone who’s never done you any harm?

@Blossomtoes

I’m not letting you get away scotfree with being an out and out bully. You make things up, call people names and badger over and over again with the same questions.

This exchange has got way past ridiculous now. I have nothing better to do because I’m temporarily sofa bound but surely you have something better to do with your one and only life than stick the boot into someone who’s never done you any harm?

Never done me any harm, but definitely used their privilege to make someone else feel uncomfortable.

And I wouldn’t have to ask you the same question over and over again if you’d just answer it.

@Journeyofthedragons

And I disagree that, because women suffer more overall, they should be let off when they display unwelcome, predatory behaviour

This.
Some folk here seem to think it's ok to behave inappropriately and make people feel uncomfortable as long as they're punching up.

And some people seem to think it's ok to exaggerate, invent and reimagine situations to prove their point, despite being told otherwise. Seems to me that the smallest hint that a man may be subject to unwelcome attention (largely imagined in this case if we read Blossoms posts properly) has people all over it in protective outrage. On a thread about male impropriety to women, why is the need to protect men the priority?

She has answered it, but you're in such a froth of self righteous indignation that you keep missing it.

@PipeDownPete

She has answered it, but you're in such a froth of self righteous indignation that you keep missing it.

Still desperate for that reaction?

Hey @Blossomtoes good news! Pete’s on your side!

On a thread about male impropriety to women, why is the need to protect men the priority?

It’s not.

Not at all @Pumperthepumper

but definitely used their privilege to make someone else feel uncomfortable

What fucking privilege? Are you seriously suggesting that we’ve all imagined the patriarchy in which women have fought for their rights? In what scenario is the woman the privileged one?

And I have answered your questions ad nauseum. The question in my mind is how on earth have I managed to be so uncharacteristically patient with you.

@Blossomtoes

but definitely used their privilege to make someone else feel uncomfortable

What fucking privilege? Are you seriously suggesting that we’ve all imagined the patriarchy in which women have fought for their rights? In what scenario is the woman the privileged one?

And I have answered your questions ad nauseum. The question in my mind is how on earth have I managed to be so uncharacteristically patient with you.

When you display predatory behaviour because you enjoy it.

You said about an hour ago you hadn’t answers my question, I’ll quote it so you can see it again:

@Blossomtoes

And she’s reading these replies, and still won’t say

Because I’m nor answerable to you. And you’re still bullying. Do you never learn?

Here you go @Blossomtoes

Surely it's a privilege for an older woman to be able to harass young men with impunity @Blossomtoes?

When you display predatory behaviour because you enjoy it

Please stop making this up. I have answered your tedious questions. RTFT. .

@Blossomtoes

When you display predatory behaviour because you enjoy it

Please stop making this up. I have answered your tedious questions. RTFT. .

See your quote above Blossom.

Sorry if this has already been said, but I haven’t managed to read the entire thread, just the first few pages.
Context is everything, I consider myself as feminist, and have in the past been removed from a shop by security because I objected to the bloke behind the counter calling me “love”. It wasn’t the word itself that was objectionable, but the tone and context in which it was used, as a put down to make out I didn’t know what I was talking about (didn’t help because query I had was about football studs….niche..and yes, I am quite knowledgeable about them 🤣) I stood my ground and called bloke out on it.
I live in a part of the country, NW, where colloquial familiar terms are used. Princess, Queen, etc and I can only ever get annoyed with blokes using them when the context or implication is not well meaning. Similarly, Duck and Love from DH’s hometown.
Comments about appearance though are completely overstepping and the should be called out…not saying you need to be as bolshy as me and require security. It does sound like you were caught a little off guard, but you could maybe next time be prepared, and tell him that you’re not happy about the comments.
Sorry for the long post.

On the basis of your last paragraph, you should be flattered. Remember, if he is as old as you say then he was brought up and spent his teens and twenties in times when it was quite normal to compliment a pretty girl who then didn't go running off complaining. It's like getting a wolf-whistle. I've always thought them very flattering. Too old for them now!

Haven’t read full thread and I’m sure others have said this but could you write a google and/or trust pilot review. You can share that it was good service etc but that as a woman the comments on your appearance made you uncomfortable. That way other women will be pre-warned and the manager gets some feedback. He’s a different generation but still needs to learn.

In respect to anyone suggesting that you ‘should’ be flattered. I find that objectionable - women have been trying to move away from being judged purely on their looks.