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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flattering or inappropriate from mechanic at garage?

362 replies

georgeaibu · 26/08/2021 13:08

I'm a mid twenties woman who took the car to the garage for a new tyre (alone). I have not been to this garage before but it comes highly recommended from the local mums Facebook page.

I pull up and the manager/owner (according to their Facebook page), who must have been between 60-70, says 'hello princess, how can I help?'. We then discuss the needs of the car and he asks if I am going to wait- I say yes as it will only be about 20 minutes- and he says 'that's our pleasure to have you wait, you look absolutely lovely'.

I wait inside uneventfully. When he calls me up to pay he explains about the car throughly and normally, but then as I go to leave he says (I assume clocking my wedding ring) 'your young man is a very lucky man, you're really pretty'.

On each occasion I didn't know what to say so mumbled something about 'thanks' and felt progressively more uncomfortable, especially after the last comment. He's 100% older than my dad.

AIBU to have felt uncomfortable? Should I have just felt flattered?

(He wasn't saying things in a 'leery' way, I never felt unsafe, and there were other mechanics in the area albeit they wouldn't have heard what he said).

OP posts:
MatildaJane · 27/08/2021 19:32

Creepy. In my experience men get more letchy and the comments more inappropriate as they get older! 🤣 My FIL comes out with some cringey comments! 🤢

betterwithage · 27/08/2021 19:37

My dad in his 70's had often commented "thanks love, darling or pet to younger ladies in service/retail industries. He does not mean to offend. Mum and I have tried to explain a better way of address these ladies but he is stumped as he would never mean to offend. He would never comment on their appearance.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 27/08/2021 19:39

Are you pretty? It sounds totally innocuous to me

Sittingonthedockofthebay · 27/08/2021 19:40

The human race is doomed.

33goingon64 · 27/08/2021 19:43

Not read whole thread, but I would have reacted the same as you in my 20s. Now in my 40s, and if that happened (it wouldn't, but if it did) I'd have given him a death stare at 'princess' and he wouldn't have dared say the rest. You get much more aware as you get older that you don't owe any men, especially strangers, your deference when they speak to you in a way they wouldn't dream of doing to another man. The next 20 years are going to be such a learning curve for you. Enjoy it.

Honeymare · 27/08/2021 19:50

It would not bother me at all now or when I was your age. I would have laughed and told him to behave himself at the first comment.

However I am saying that knowing I am hugely in the minority. He should know better than to be talking to women like that at work because most do feel uncomfortable.

milkyawayday · 27/08/2021 19:52

Leave a review on their facebook pages

Creepy old c**t

If we dont call them out, they will
Never learn. The stupid bastards

betterwithage · 27/08/2021 19:55

I work in hospitality and will often comment to guests " I like/love your top/shirt, tie, haircut, colour, style. I'm not being a creepy older lady (52) i just notice & like to tell the guest. I appreciate when people comment on certain aspects I have made an effort with. I think it's nice to have a pleasant comment to people that is genuine. Sometimes I think people don't realise their comment is not appreciated or comes across as creepy. I'm not making excuses just saying.

CambsAlways · 27/08/2021 20:10

While a compliment is nice , this is well over the top so no I wouldn’t be returning

makadan600 · 27/08/2021 20:11

Lighten up it’s just a bit of banter

Sadiecow · 27/08/2021 20:12

@makadan600

Lighten up it’s just a bit of banter
It's bloody awful! 🤮

Who is he "bantering" with?

Backwaterjunction · 27/08/2021 20:17

Everyone of course has a right to feel how they feel and it’s not the most professional approach.

All I will say for those of you saying women today don’t accept this this also depends on the person, as we have love island and plenty of other dating shows were all genders show that it’s not only ok to flirt with each other but perfectly normal and this brings in 4 to 6 million viewers in the 16 to 34 age range. So again we come down to setting and for some age, but go to any city bar at the weekend and you will see perfect strangers of all genders saying outrageous things to each other

Pumperthepumper · 27/08/2021 20:21

@Backwaterjunction

Everyone of course has a right to feel how they feel and it’s not the most professional approach.

All I will say for those of you saying women today don’t accept this this also depends on the person, as we have love island and plenty of other dating shows were all genders show that it’s not only ok to flirt with each other but perfectly normal and this brings in 4 to 6 million viewers in the 16 to 34 age range. So again we come down to setting and for some age, but go to any city bar at the weekend and you will see perfect strangers of all genders saying outrageous things to each other

It is honestly remarkable to me how many posters on here can’t see the difference between appropriate, reciprocated flirting in an appropriate setting - and a man being inappropriate to a woman just trying to get tyres put on her car.
Kanaloa · 27/08/2021 20:28

What on earth do some people think flirting is? Making comments at someone who is ignoring them isn’t flirting any more than kicking someone on the bus is a Karate lesson.

It’s about context and reciprocation.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 20:35

Not acceptable at all!

threatmatrix · 27/08/2021 20:37

I would have said ‘what a load flannel’ and laughed. I don’t think he meant any harm, women of today are just looking to hear the wrong thing. Get a grip.

Pumperthepumper · 27/08/2021 20:39

@threatmatrix

I would have said ‘what a load flannel’ and laughed. I don’t think he meant any harm, women of today are just looking to hear the wrong thing. Get a grip.
So you’re another poster who doesn’t think the men he says things like this to mind? Just the women?
OchonAgusOchonOh · 27/08/2021 20:46

@makadan600 - Lighten up it’s just a bit of banter

Banter is a two way exchange. It's not banter if only one person is engaging in the comments.

Romney981 · 27/08/2021 20:48

oh he sounds like my dad who was 92 when he died. He honestly thought he was being nice if he told a young girl she was pretty and would not have understood that this could be offensive but this guy was a bit younger so maybe a bit odd.

Kanaloa · 27/08/2021 20:52

I’m sure your dad would have understood how uncomfortable it could be if a man had done it to him.

Morgysmum · 27/08/2021 20:53

Flattered.
I think as women, we don't know how to take nice comments. I always put my self down and when someone says something nice, I always look around, to see who they are talking too.
It's like wolf whistling, never had it, but I would have loved it someone did.

Kanaloa · 27/08/2021 20:54

@Morgysmum

Flattered. I think as women, we don't know how to take nice comments. I always put my self down and when someone says something nice, I always look around, to see who they are talking too. It's like wolf whistling, never had it, but I would have loved it someone did.
Christ. Your standards must be fucking rock bottom if the most you think you’re worth is a cretin whistling at you from a van. That’s what you do to get a dog’s attention, not a woman’s.
LimeRedBanana · 27/08/2021 20:54

@Morgysmum

Flattered. I think as women, we don't know how to take nice comments. I always put my self down and when someone says something nice, I always look around, to see who they are talking too. It's like wolf whistling, never had it, but I would have loved it someone did.
Speak for yourself, as none of that applies to me!
Toooldforthisshit49 · 27/08/2021 20:59

Oh my god this thread is feckin depressing, yes the guy maybe shouldn't have made the comments but Christ I wonder what kind of world we're going to end up when reading some comments that practically want to string him up.

Journeyofthedragons · 27/08/2021 21:08

@Toooldforthisshit49

Oh my god this thread is feckin depressing, yes the guy maybe shouldn't have made the comments but Christ I wonder what kind of world we're going to end up when reading some comments that practically want to string him up.
A world where men respect women at last thankfully.