Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

@randomusernameagain But him losing his job isn’t because of me, is it?! Surely it’s because of him?!

Supermarket did brilliantly 👏 not sure what else you'd want them to do?! Guy admitted it which is better than lying about it. Put it all behind you now.

Going by both threads the supermarket seems ok and his colleagues thought he was a prick as well. Id give them another chance. I used to find it confusing as a woman whos attracted to other women how men called obviously perfectly attractive people ugly or things like this but its clearly said to make it seem like they have so many dating options that they have impossibly high standards.

Loads of other countries fire people this way

Great update OP! I was shocked at your first thread and so glad you complained and he has been suitably sanctioned. Good for you x

I can’t believe the hard time the OP is getting on this thread.

You did the right thing to complain Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum and the employer did the right thing by firing him.

I’m sorry you had to hear the insults and witness his shocking attitude while you were served. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back until he has gone.

Having read your previous post about this, it seems that it's more that you "can’t believe I’ve now become a person with looks that men say that about".

It was a dick. He was fired. Now move on. Some men frequently say shitty things about women. It's not right. It's not fair. But you also can't live your life being upset by assholes.

You did the right thing complaining, the supermarket have taken it very seriously, rightly so. I actually would continue to shop there because I think they've done the right thing and not backed away from actual consequences for the perpetrator and victim blamed like many people clearly do. I also wouldn't take it personally a misogynistic sleazeball live that probably says similar about many women, so this isn't a why you it's about him.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@pinganail No, I think I want an apology if that makes sense or just to know why me, why he does that. I hope he understands that it’s humiliating and upsetting, I hope he gives a shit and doesn’t make someone else feel like that.[/quote]
An apology from the individual would be worthless; and why would you want any kind of contact with him. He has deservedly paid a high price for his rudeness so it should be a lesson in life.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@randomusernameagain But him losing his job isn’t because of me, is it?! Surely it’s because of him?![/quote]
Yes it is because of him, there would have been no cause for complaint if he had just done his job without trying to put a woman down in such a way. Hopefully he will think twice about it in future.

Why should we not stand up for ourselves?

I hope you're not feeling so shit now, Kidsdontknow, you've done the right thing

@Sparklesocks

He behaved poorly towards a customer, his employer took action chose to terminate his contract. There’s not much else to be done.

I think it might be better to try and it behind you, as hurtful as it was, rather than look into other supermarket policies etc.

This sums it up for me. It's a horrible situation but as a pp said, it's not school. FWIW, I'm too surprised he was fired rather than a warning.

OP, if I understand correctly, you feel there's unfinished business because of how he made you feel. I don't think you'll find peace from him. I think you need to understand he's a shit and the comment wasn't personal to you. You were just an easy target. How would you be reacting if it had been said by a random passer by on the street? Could you brush it off any more easily? This is now about how you cope and not about him.

@randomusernameagain But him losing his job isn’t because of me, is it?! Surely it’s because of him?!

No, it's not because of you, OP, he behaved completely unprofessionally. In fact, more women need to complain in these situations to make it clear that sort of sexist talk is not acceptable. Things will never get better if people aren't held to account for their actions.

I think firing him and apologising to you is enough - the shop isn't at fault for their staff's rude comment

It’s just disgusting banter between toxic males. It really isn’t personal even though it felt like that. I can guarantee they would have said the same thing about me and it’s really good you stood up for yourself.

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, only your responses - and judging by them there are some posters trying to make you feel bad for the fact he lost his job?!! Unbelievable! You did absolutely the right thing, his behaviour was disgusting and hopefully this little misogynist will think twice next time. Well done you.

FWIW, I'm too surprised he was fired rather than a warning.

He might have already had warnings for all we know.

You should go back, don’t let that awful human take the main shop with bits you want away from you. I’m sorry you went through this it says more about him than you.

You did the right thing. The company acted appropriately and I’m not sure what else you expect. Did the company apologise?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4326889--How-many-drinks-for-you-to-sleep-with-her

Here's a link to your first thread @Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum

It isn't full, why didn't you just update there?

He's only got himself to blame for losing his job, and I'm sick of women being harassed and bothered while going about their daily business, sick to the back fucking teeth of it. I wouldn't want someone like that working for me either, especially with customers. Partly because I wouldn't want to lose custom and partly because I wouldn't want to employ that kind of person. He can take a lesson from it. It's nobody's fault but his own.

I’m sorry this happened to you but glad you reported it and that the supermarket responded as they did, rather than some token ‘training’. If you are still feeling upset, ask the supermarket when his contract ends and start shopping there again after that date when he won’t be there.

Honestly shocked at the people trying to blame you for this bloke losing his job - he did that all by himself making vile comments about a customer’s looks. What a gross person he is!

@Cam2020

FWIW, I'm too surprised he was fired rather than a warning.

He might have already had warnings for all we know.

He wasnt in uk , they may have different employment laws even in the uk if he had been there less than 2 years , he wouldnt have many rights

@girlmom21

I can't believe you're glad he was fired. Yes it was a shitty thing to say/way to behave but Jesus, this is a mans livelihood.

A formal warning and maybe some additional training dependant on the size of the business would have been enough.

This

I get why you are upset @Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum, anyone would be.

You're in portugal? I'm surprised tbh, I speak portuguese having lived in Brazil when I was a lot younger (sorry, not sorry @SerendipityJane) and IME i've only ever found people to be kind and resepctful in portugal. Brazil is another matter, but that's manageable with afew well chosen expletives :D

I think you can be reassured knowing that the supermarket HAVE acted on your complaint and this guy will have learned a serious lesson.

I have had similar in London with a guy on a tube from Angola who was bitching about the entire carriage on the way. He thought nobody understood him, but I did.

Eventually it came to my turn apparently and I folded my copy of Metro and said to him (in is own language) to be careful and to remember that portuguese speakers come from all over the world. He actually blushed and gaped :D

If I were you - not that I would ever expect anything like this to happen again - I'd have a stock phrase up my sleeve to tell him that he's a dick and to fuck off. It'll make you feel less vulnerable.

Please don't let ht eidiotic behaviour of one person affect you like this, others at that supermarket backed you up by telling the management who it was, and that should be sufficient for you to know that what he did was wrong and it won't happen again.

Don't let that dickhead ruin your access to the supermarket - go in there with your head held high. Chances are the staff won't recognise you as the person he said it to anyway.

Coragem!

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@Cam2020 Because he was laughing and asking his colleague how pissed basically they’d have to be to shag me, then asking ‘Lots?’ and laughing more. Then finishing with a piss take smile as he thought he’d been clever and been nasty and in his own language that the Brit wouldn’t have a clue about. All whilst I innocently went to get food with my toddler for our dinner. It’s bang out of order to make a person feel that humiliated and a customer also.[/quote]
It was a shitty sexist thing for him to do, but what more do you expect? A public flogging?

For what it’s worth I don’t think he should have lost his job, I think he should have been given a written warning, been made to do some training and write you a letter of apology.
Also you could have addressed it directly with him, or even better answered him back in his own language to wipe the smirk off his face.