Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

I think you should take notice also of the way the man he spoke to didn't react and shrugged off the remark. Also the way he was quickly identified and sacked. One persons nastiness clearly wasn't the tone of the other staff members, and they were probably just as annoyed and irritated by him, and glad to see the back of him.

Definitely wasn’t ‘Just banter!’

If he's been fired I would imagine nor ally he would have been told to leave immediately. It's not usual IME that they would allow someone to finish their contract!

@Motnight

To all those saying that the guy didn't deserve to lose his job and should have been reprimanded surely that has been happening for years? With people paying lip service whenever a woman dares to complain that she has been verbally abused. And it doesn't work. Men carry on treating girls and women with contempt thinking that they will get away with it. And mostly they do. Because in reality there's so few consequences in place that will actually stop them.

This shit that the vast majority of women have to deal with, that our daughters often not even in their teens have to deal with, is unacceptable. I for one am fed up with these men being treated gently and kindly regarding their abuse of women when they show only loathing and disgust towards us.

👏 👏

Such awful victim blaming on here. So many vile people.

@bonfireheart I know 😪

I remember being 17 and going into a takeaway with my friends and the guy behind the counter telling me I had lovely neck and that he really liked my neck :/ I am 41 now and still remember it. Never went back to the takeaway but let men get away with "small" stuff and it soon leads to more. He is providing a service to a customer. Just like he shouldn't say anything racist or homophobic, he shouldn't be saying this sh*t. If he loses his job and can't feed his family then he has no one one to blame but himself.

@bruffin

Anyone saying this was just banter - have you read the OP's full description of what actually happened? Yes he made the comment not realising she knew what he was saying . He was using her as a butt of a joke , which his colleague didnt find funny either. But she was obviously never meant to know what was going on. He is not a nice person and deserved to be pulled up on it. But OP should have spoken to him in Portuguese , which have further embarrassed him in front off the colleague and then also put in a complaint.

OP has got him sacked , thats enough so not sure really what she wants more.

The OP hasn’t got him sacked. He got himself sacked.

I doubt they really have sacked him, or he would have gone straight away not working out his notice

He’s been sacked - I think in the nicest possible way you should try to move on now.

I'm not reading the full.thread but you didn't get him sacked, OP, his own behaviour did.

They probably can't tell you any more details. I doubt they will give you his shift patterns or last day as they still have a duty of care towards him and what if you were planning to wait outside for him one night? It also doesn't sound usual for a company to request an apology from the employee. It's been dealt with and they've presumably apologised as a company. If their laws are that he has to/ can work out his contract instead of immediate termination then they will stick to that. I doubt the company would just lie to you in writing. Maybe you could rephrase it to say you don't need to know his end date but after roughly how long can you expect to be able to go back and him be permanently gone? They might be able to say 'our standard notice period is a month' or something.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@randomusernameagain But him losing his job isn’t because of me, is it?! Surely it’s because of him?![/quote]
Exactly.
I seriously hope you're proud of yourself for standing up to this guy. You totally did the right thing- for your self, your DD who has to live in this occasionally toxic world, for all the other women he comes into contact with at work.
You sound doubtful whether it was worth it, you ask up-thread whether he will change as a result of this. My gut feel is that no he probably won't, in fact his misogyny may get worse. But maybe his (former) colleagues who either stood by or were complicit will change. And your DD will be empowered to stand up for herself when one day you tell her this story and she understands why mummy cried so much that day on holiday when she was little.

Lots of people would have sucked it up and done nothing.

Please I beg you don't internalise his vile insults. You are an amazing human. Don't give any credence to the rating of a woman-hating sleaze bag who can't keep hold of a job in a supermarket.

Also ignore the less supportive comments on here. Maybe they have never been in your position, made to feel like you felt. It was all on him, not you.

@StarryStarrySocks

What he said was unacceptable and he was rightly reprimanded. But I can't imagine being "glad" that someone had lost his job because of me.

He lost his job because of himself, not the OP. He lost his job because he openly sexualised and humiliated a customer who has gone out shopping with her toddler. He lost his job because he showed utter contempt for a customer and I assume the shop doesn’t want their customers treated that way. Not one bit of that was “down to” the op. What you have done here is Victim blame. Please don’t do that.

For site aimed primarily at women sometimes I can't believe the comments I read on here, they are worse than anything I read on social media from making fun of how women to victim blaming to minimising the behaviour of men, becoming more and more a toxic site.

@bonfireheart Totally agree, some very nasty posters on here. Poor op.

@bonfireheart & latest posters, you clearly haven't read the thread & the one preceding it.

OP got almost universal support for what she experienced and her decision to report. It was completely unacceptable & kudos to her for reporting & the store for addressing.

OP initially thought the employee was fired. Subsequently it appeared not to be the case.

She wanted exact details of the disciplinary process which posters explained she wasn't entitled to.

She was offered an opportunity to meet the manager which she felt uncomfortable about. Understandably, but it did mean she couldn't ask the questions she wanted to.

Throughout many posters offered support. She was encouraged to move on now, as a focus on what was happening to the employee was unlikely to help her.

I agree.
There were a very few posters who felt OP over reacted and most people were supportive and said she had absolutely done the right thing and the Twat brought the whole thing on himself
It was some of her subsequent posts that wound some people up

It was some of her subsequent posts that wound some people up

I think it started from the very first post. Where she said that he'd been sacked but didn't seem to think the supermarket had done enough.

People didn't have an issue with the complain so much as the idea that more needed to be done.

'finishing his contract' is notbeing fired!!
But really op you not to take stuff like tnis to heart and to move on.
If it had been me i would have just laughed and said somthing like 'not as many as I'd need'.

@a8mint

'finishing his contract' is notbeing fired!! But really op you not to take stuff like tnis to heart and to move on. If it had been me i would have just laughed and said somthing like 'not as many as I'd need'.

Of course its being fired. You dont know the employments laws in that country

Well done OP. I read your first thread and what happened was disgusting. I'm glad he'll be fired; he deserves it. If it were me I'd never go back to that shop.

I agree with @Chocaholic9

Of course its being fired. You dont know the employments laws in that country
I know what being fired means, and it isnt staying til the end of your contract :-D

@a8mint

Of course its being fired. You dont know the employments laws in that country I know what being fired means, and it isnt staying til the end of your contract :-D

"Can you fire an employee in Portugal? An employee, of course, has the right to quit, terminating the contract with or without a just cause, being that in this last case notice must be given, equal to 30 days for contracts up to two years, of length, or 60 days for contracts over two years."