Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

He could have been fired because he has done this kind of thing before and had prior warnings.

It wasn't nice behaviour but no one can 'make' you feel anything if you choose not too. I wonder if you have issues with self-esteem. Weeping in the car (this is becoming something of a staple on here), making a formal complaint, not being satisfied with the man's dismissal, looking for more, well, retribution, ruminating about it here. There is something not very health going on.

He's been fired. That is the most they could do.

If you were in an area/country were misogyny was a crime then you could have taken it that route, because this sort of thing needs to be stamped out right from these stupid comments all the way up to women being attacked.

But anyway, he has been fired.

Also though, the only one who could have pointed the finger at him was the guy he said it to. And that guy obviously did tell management when it was brought up. He didnt laugh when the guy said it and now he has told on him when asked. That means he wasnt in on it, he didnt agree with it and was open to getting that guy reprimanded.

Why wouldn't you go back when the other staff member on the butcher counter hasn't done anything wrong? No one else has and they fired the guy who did.

@Lockheart

Do you think the supermarket did enough?

He's been fired, what more do you think the supermarket can do?

Really, you can't think what else they could do? Offer OP some gift vouchers at the very least.

That’s great, well done for complaining. It’s little victories like this that effect big changes over time. You’ve done us all a service!

Don’t take the comment itself personally – some men just speak about women like that, because they’re sexist twats and arrogantly think their judgement on other people’s appearance is of any relevance or value to anyone.

I’m sure there’s few of us women who haven’t experienced this sort of shitty objectification by dull-minded knobheads. So totally understand how unpleasant and demoralising it feels being on the receiving end of this sort of BS. It’s certainly happened to me.

I learnt from my teen years onwards that there are certain men who will be all over you (inappropriately) if you’re glammed up and the same ones who will be completely dismissive of you (again, inappropriately) if you’re dressed down and not arsed. Who gives a fuck what they think?

You are awesome, thank you for not letting them get away with this.

And fuck that guy for making you feel shit.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@StarryStarrySocks No, he didn’t lose his job because of me. He lost it because they deemed what he did to be worthy of it. He made me feel like absolute shit in front of my daughter, small, ugly and humiliated, whilst he laughed and joked with another man whilst looking me up and down, laughing more because he was convinced I didn’t understand, which he enjoyed even more.[/quote]
I completely agree with this @Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum.

You reported what he did. The consequences of his actions are his to face. And to all those posters saying that a man has lost his job during a pandemic etc., should women not report men when they are being laughed at, harassed, abused etc. just in case the man loses his job?

At what point are men expected to take responsibility (and the consequences) for their own behaviour? The shop clearly felt it necessary to take this course of action, and the fact that he was identified so quickly makes me think that his behaviour has been questionable in other ways and his colleagues were clearly happy to identify him. And it makes me wonder how he was treating his female colleagues if he spoke about female customers in this way. This sort of behaviour is never a one-off.

So the OP may have done a lot of women a big favour. Well done OP.

OP, I read the original thread at the time, and people were overwhelmingly supportive and encouraged you to complain, and I’m glad that you took the advice.

It sounds as though the store took firm, but appropriate steps (if I was an employer I really wouldn’t want someone like that representing my firm). I think they have definitely done enough - they have demonstrated they took your complaint seriously and have taken action to stop other women experiencing the same.

Put it behind you (it is done, try not to think about it again) and don’t let it impact your confidence.

He was fired. What more do you want? Compensation?

They can’t force him to apologise to you or stop him doing it to anyone else.

@Regularsizedrudy

I can’t believe the amount of sympathy and bonkers made up back story people are giving this misogynistic prick. If he didn’t want to lose his job he should have acted appropriately. I’m glad he got fired and I don’t give a shit if he can’t find another job. Actions have consequences, op did totally the right thing.

Hear hear. Good call on reporting it, OP. Now concentrate on how you acted to mitigate the situation, rather than on one juvenile misogynist’s dimwitted bon mot.

Is it money/compensation you're after?

I think humiliating a customer when your job is customer service is a good enough reason to be fired. I would have wanted instant dismissal and an apology from the store.
I think anything less than being fired isn't a strong enough message to say people shouldn't be treated this way.
I'm sorry this happened op

It was the right thing for you to report him and you had no influence over what the company decided to do about it.

It's straying towards vengeance to want the company to force an apology. I get that it's horrible but you have to understand that it probably wasn't personal and you were probably one of many he's said something like that about.

I don’t know what else they could have done? A UK shop wouldn’t have fired him so surprised they actually did, although good might teach him to not be such a typical dickhead in the future. I know it’s upsetting but try move on and don’t feel bad about going into that shop again especially if it’s convenient for you.

OP I can’t believe some of the comments on this thread. You need to just go back in there and hold your head up high, although this is understandably a big deal for you, he has probably been rude to hundreds of customers previously just for his own entertainment . It would be foolish to make your own life inconvenient, he is entirely in the wrong. I’m sorry that you feel embarrassed or similar, don’t let him beat you down as you are definitely worth a thousand of him !

He wouldn’t have said it in front of you in a shared language, so of course it’s 100% wrong to have said it in his own language. He’s also in a customer facing role - quite right that he was fired.

The guy was a twat and he got fired because he was so unbelievably unprofessional at work that someone complained. It's a big fuck up to say something so blatantly rude and offensive in front of customers, assuming they don't speak the language. Of course he was fired.

That aside, you still feel bad because the comment was so hurtful. It was. I would be very upset and it would knock my confidence a lot and take time to get over. But the supermarket can't do anything else. It might be worth looking into some counselling sessions to help if you are still struggling with it. Best of luck OP.

Crying is really emotionally healthy! Don't worry about that OP. It's ok to have feelings about things. And it's ok to ask for help rationalising those feelings as you have here.

Well done for making the complaint. You've helped make that environment a better place for female customers and female colleagues.

What he said might have been hurtful.... But a) does his opinion really matter to you? He hardly sounds worth listening to! b) Women are socialised to care about this stuff and misogynist men know this! They get extra power trips and ego boosts behaving like this. Think how quickly some men can move from professing undying love to dissing looks when a woman rejects them.

I think I'd rather a man like that found me unattractive tbh! Pretend he fancied you, doesn't it make you want to vomit?

How is it possible for someone to be fired and still be there?

Why are some posters surprised he was fired? Do you mean you think the supermarket were too harsh in their assessment or that you wouldn't have expected the supermarket to react accordingly because this type of behaviour is usually swept aside?

And what is it about misogyny that is so acceptable? Would you still be saying it was too harsh if it had been racist or homophobic?

Errr, she didnt 'get him fired'. He got himself fired by being cruel and inappropriate at work. My god, some people will defend men no matter what they do.

OP, I wouldnt go back til he is gone, then I would.

What he said might have been hurtful.... But a) does his opinion really matter to you? He hardly sounds worth listening to! b) Women are socialised to care about this stuff and misogynist men know this! They get extra power trips and ego boosts behaving like this. Think how quickly some men can move from professing undying love to dissing looks when a woman rejects them.
He didnt know she understood the language. He was trying to look big in front of his colleague with a joke and failed miserably,

Fucking hell, no wonder men get away with the shitty behaviour they do!

If this man has made a similar comment to someone because of their race none of you would be saying "it's just a joke, poor man"

Shitty, offensive, behaviour that he SHOULD have been fired for.

@VladmirsPoutine

Depends on the employment law of the country. Maybe this doesn't quite reach the gross misconduct bar so they had to give him notice, maybe they agreed to let him resign so he doesn't need to admit to being fired when he applies for other jobs, so he is working his notice. Maybe they're short staffed and need him to work the notice while they hire someone else.

But he is going so that's what counts. He deserved to be fired.

@PeskyRooks

Well they fired him I don't see what else they could have done

This, there’s literally nothing more they could do that would make a difference.

@midsomermurderess

It wasn't nice behaviour but no one can 'make' you feel anything if you choose not too. I wonder if you have issues with self-esteem. Weeping in the car (this is becoming something of a staple on here), making a formal complaint, not being satisfied with the man's dismissal, looking for more, well, retribution, ruminating about it here. There is something not very health going on.

This in spades. OP, in the kindest possible way, people are going to be horrible to you in one way or another throughout your life. Wait till you get old and overhear the shitty things people say about anyone with grey hair and a few wrinkles.

You can't control what people say to you or about you but you can control your reaction to it. You need more robust self-esteem and defences. The world isn't going to change to accommodate your sensitivities.

And to be clear, of course he shouldn't have said it but he did and the supermarket has reacted better and more swiftly than anyone could reasonably have expected. Well done. Now move on.