Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

@girlmom21

I can't believe you're glad he was fired. Yes it was a shitty thing to say/way to behave but Jesus, this is a mans livelihood.

A formal warning and maybe some additional training dependant on the size of the business would have been enough.

Agreed totally with this (but I reckon we'll be shot down in flames).

Honestly, I'd have pulled him up on it at the time in front of everyone and ripped him to pieces. Job's a good un, everyone get on with their lives.

@StarryStarrySocks No, he didn’t lose his job because of me. He lost it because they deemed what he did to be worthy of it. He made me feel like absolute shit in front of my daughter, small, ugly and humiliated, whilst he laughed and joked with another man whilst looking me up and down, laughing more because he was convinced I didn’t understand, which he enjoyed even more.

I guess I feel more upset that he definitely said it, I was hoping I was wrong. I feel upset still and crap about myself but also angry.

That's really shitty behaviour and it's understandable you're upset, but I think there must be more going on with you to be so affected by a silly young man's words. He was obviously showing off and feeling like his derogatory (also vile and misogynistic) comments made him a big man - he's now been corrected and suffered the consequences.

Why are you feeling crap about yourself? Because he thinks you're unattractive? For those sorts of men that behavior is all power play, not a reflection on you.

@bruffin

Were you looking for compensation as well?

Maybe she’s looking to go into a shop and not be treated as a sex object and abused by the staff. Drop victim blaming. Well done OP and we’ll done on the example set to your daughter.

You might not feel safe going back until he is gone - but if and when you do go back in the knowledge that the management of the shop did take it seriously and agreed with you on every level. That’s the kind of management every shop needs. Maybe he couldn’t deny it as his work colleagues found it just as offensive. Well done.

"I can't imagine being "glad" that someone had lost his job because of me"

He wasn't fired because of OP. He was fired because of his own shitty behaviour towards the OP.

He hasn't lost his job because of you @Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum . Don't let anyone make you feel like that!
He lost his job because he made a revolting comment and sneered at a customer. Anything that happens as a result of his choice to say such a foul thing is his fault for saying it, not yours for complaining about it.

[quote Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]@pinganail No, I think I want an apology if that makes sense or just to know why me, why he does that. I hope he understands that it’s humiliating and upsetting, I hope he gives a shit and doesn’t make someone else feel like that.[/quote]
Yeah, that's not going to happen.

How can they make an ex-employee apologise to you?

@Cam2020 Because he was laughing and asking his colleague how pissed basically they’d have to be to shag me, then asking ‘Lots?’ and laughing more. Then finishing with a piss take smile as he thought he’d been clever and been nasty and in his own language that the Brit wouldn’t have a clue about. All whilst I innocently went to get food with my toddler for our dinner. It’s bang out of order to make a person feel that humiliated and a customer also.

Drop victim blaming.
Where did i victim blame, The man got fired, op is still not happy,what else did she want!
And victim blaming is a really ignorant meaningless phrase.

Unless someone is suggesting that this person was not in control of their own actions, they made the choice to make that horrible comment and should therefore accept the consequences of such an action.
OP, ignore the victim-blaming comments.

Honestly, I'd have pulled him up on it at the time in front of everyone and ripped him to pieces. Job's a good un, everyone get on with their lives

I'd have done the exact same.

@ComTruise You’re actually serious

@ThreeWitches I was too shocked and upset at the time, it felt like some weird kind of bullying, was so humiliating. I would’ve probably said the same if it was someone else, but when it happened I just couldn’t feel I could for some reason

I didn’t see your first thread but what a horribly shocking experience.
In your shoes I’d want instant dismissal, not working out notice as though he and the business had simply agreed to part company.

He behaved poorly towards a customer, his employer took action chose to terminate his contract. There’s not much else to be done.

I think it might be better to try and it behind you, as hurtful as it was, rather than look into other supermarket policies etc.

@StarryStarrySocks

What he said was unacceptable and he was rightly reprimanded. But I can't imagine being "glad" that someone had lost his job because of me.

He didn't lose his job because of her, he lost it because he acted inappropriately at work, presumably in breach of company policy.

I read your original post and felt very sorry that this had happened to you. It has obviously affected you deeply but you must try to get over it. He had probably made this same comment about loads of female customers, so try not to take it personally. I'm sure it had absolutely nothing to do with your appearance. I, too, would have been deeply humiliated but you did a brave thing in complaining and the man has now been sacked. I honestly don't think the supermarket could have done anymore. It it a harsh punishment and, as a previous poster said, it may have been the final straw for the supermarket with him and his behavior. At least he now knows to be more respectful towards customers should he get another job dealing with people face to face. Give it a bit of time then go back to shopping in the supermarket again. No one will know it was you who complained, you may have been one of many customers upset by his behaviour and it sounds like the other staff felt very uncomfortable around him too.

Anyway, I didn’t come on for abuse, I just wanted to update as there was lots of lovely support on my first thread. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing at the time

To all those saying that the guy didn't deserve to lose his job and should have been reprimanded surely that has been happening for years? With people paying lip service whenever a woman dares to complain that she has been verbally abused. And it doesn't work. Men carry on treating girls and women with contempt thinking that they will get away with it. And mostly they do.
Because in reality there's so few consequences in place that will actually stop them.

This shit that the vast majority of women have to deal with, that our daughters often not even in their teens have to deal with, is unacceptable. I for one am fed up with these men being treated gently and kindly regarding their abuse of women when they show only loathing and disgust towards us.

Maybe she’s looking to go into a shop and not be treated as a sex object and abused by the staff.
Drop victim blaming.

Well done OP and we’ll done on the example set to your daughter.

OP just asked if the supermarket did enough. What more could they have done? I'm surprised the bloke was fired.

@Nosilayak Thank you 💐