Update-How many drinks for you to sleep with her

[Kidsdontknowwhatswrongwithmum]

I made a thread a couple of weeks back about me visiting the butcher in a supermarket near me and the young guy serving me saying that to his colleague in his local language (I live abroad)
He assumed I was on holiday and didn’t understand the language, I did. I was with my toddler daughter and was so humiliated and upset, I cried in the car on the way home.
Later, I sent a complaint to the head of the shop. They’ve now got back to me properly. Apparently they were able to discover who it was by speaking to other staff and he admitted it and was reprimanded, which resulted in him being fired and is now finishing his contract, so is still there legally.
I feel angry still that he was able to make me feel that humiliated, I was worried I’d possibly misheard part of it or got it wrong. Now he’s admitted it, I’m glad he’s lost his job and someone who deserves it can fill his place.
Do you think the supermarket did enough? It’s unlikely I’ll go back, which is a shame as it’s the main supermarket for special bits where we are.

The guy has lost his job for what he had thought (or, more likely, not really thought about at all) was a throwaway comment. I think OP has got a result there as he won't make the same mistake again and neither will his mates.

@EarringsandLipstick Oh for sure, I mean admittedly I hate the way I look at present, I had a lot of years of ivf and fertility treatments, then pregnancy. Admittedly, I need to do something about it and will now my Dd starts nursery. It’s so hard not to take something like that to heart, admittedly I am too sensitive, but that really felt nasty, you know 🤷🏻‍♀️Definitely need to develop a thicker skin though, you’re right.
The messed up thing is, after he’d said it, I came home and ate loads, really odd. I need to get out of this cycle and like my body again. He just really touched on a nerve I suppose.
If only people knew the damage a simple comment could do, I imagine he likely thought nothing more about it after he’d said it.

How many times can I say admittedly 🙄

Sorry that meant weight gain for fertility treatments, pregnancy etc.

OP, I've had customers call me a fat pig/fat speccy cow etc. They did it when I was a size 12 and when I was a size 22, it was not about my weight at all. It was about them trying to feel superior to me and weight is an easy choice as it's a sensitive subject for a lot of women. The guy had probably done it to other women before and after you, try not to take it as a personal insult to you.

When she asks if the supermarket did enough I think the OP means should they have fired the employee with immediate effect rather than letting him work out his notice and still be on the shop floor. I'm sure it puts her off going back in there.

I’m so sorry you were made to feel so bad about yourself, by such a careless, rude remark. I’ve had things said about me in a language I was presumed not to understand, and it was just so shocking and disrespectful. It takes a while for the sting to subside, please don’t take it up heart, it says more about the rudeness of the speaker and very little about you.

Not sure why people are saying he shouldn't have been sacked. What he did was disgusting and I can't imagine anybody would want someone who would behave like this in a professional environment working for them. He was not a silly young man - he was verbally and sexually abusive of a customer.

Are you seriously pleased that a lad has lost his job over a comment he made to his mate?

I'm actually astounded at what this world is coming to. And you're asking if the supermarket could have done more? What more do you want?

@roxy Not a lad, a grown man, maybe 20/30’s

Unlikely he’s been fired

@SerendipityJane

All I get is a humblebrag about speaking another language.

oh god there's always one

@samsalmon I think that was part of it, the fact he loudly thought he could say that and the Brit had no idea what he was saying, it’s flaunting it more, just nasty

@slashlover So sorry, people are so mean, why?! What do they get out of it, I’ll never understand. I know, I hope it wasn’t just personal to me, I mean I think to myself, shit am I that bad, seriously, to single me out and make a comment like that. I was so polite to him too

@Cyberattack Yeah, he was a grown man, but young ish

Honestly I doubt they'd have fired him in the U.K.

Not saying they shouldn't have, they should have as men really shouldn't get away with this shit anymore, but in the U.K. I imagine he'd have got a warning.

I doubt he was fired on the spot or at all. It wouldn't usually be considered gross misconduct, but might appear in a disciplinary process as a warning etc. Larger firms are more likely to have clearer policies and HR Deprtments to enforce them.

Yes, horrible and cannot be justified at all. You were right to complain. It was all you could do in the situation. And then it is totally down to the firm how to respond. They replied to you and seemed to be taking it seriously which is good. At that point you have to leave it to them for the specifics and accept you won't know what the specifics were.

If you're feeling vulnerable and unhappy with your weight, such a horrible comment, which no doubt they will have made multiple times about all kinds of people, regardless of their weight, will have stung more. The use of a language they thought you wouldn't understand made it feel more spiteful to you. I can see that.

And no-one is belittling it or saying anyone should have to out up with it, or any employee should be able to behave like this, or that any employer should ignore it.....the wrongness has been acknowledged by the employer and acted on. Countless people on this thread have validated your upset. And I guess the question now is if you're ready to move forward from this.....to allow it to recede to being an unpleasant memory instead of something which is a biting wound, and which over time you will hopefully be able to forget.....that's not to minimise what happened at all, but for your benefit for it not to consume you and eat you up.
When these things consume you and eat you up, the impact of the nasty words beimes even bigger. But you have a choice in whether to allow that to happen or not. Hopefully the sympathy people have shown on this thread (and any criticism was never about your feelings about the language you heard or about reporting it.....but only about the fixation on knowing the details of how the employer responded) will help you feel validated and move on. You now have the choice to do that, along with the choice about where you shop or don't shop. Be empowered and do the things which will work for you.

All the best.

Well done for sorting it! Excellent, we should all do more of that, instead of putting up with misogynistic disrespectful crap. My 78 year old mother was in Tesco pre-Covid and asked a young male assistant a question. His similarly aged male colleague said loudly, ‘Pulled, have you?’ I wanted to make an official complaint, but she didn’t want to make a fuss. People should lose their jobs if they act so unpleasantly and unprofessionally. It made me boycott our local Tesco, at least!

@roxyk0303

Are you seriously pleased that a lad has lost his job over a comment he made to his mate?

I'm actually astounded at what this world is coming to. And you're asking if the supermarket could have done more? What more do you want?

This is not "a lad making a comment to his mate". This is an employee making insulting remarks about a customer whilst in his place of employment. Obviously the employer needed to get rid of him.

@roxyk0303, If I were his employer, I wouldn’t want someone disrespectful and unprofessional working for me. You can’t make fun of customers in earshot of other customers. Awful behaviour, quite right that he was sacked.

I think you just need to move on now. The supermarket really couldn't have done any more

So there are two parts to this a) there's his shitty misogynist comment and then b) there's the way it made you feel.

The first bit you have dealt with brilliantly, you called out his behaviour and he has suffered the consequences of his bad behaviour and lost his job. Well done, if that happened more often then this laddish culture of objectifying and defining women by their perceived attractiveness to particular men might be dented.

The second part is the way it made you feel which is shit. It's dented your confidence. Not necessarily just in your attractiveness generally but in the fact that you as a person might be judged by some shallow wanker to be found wanting. Unfortunately, the only answer to this is to become more resilient, easier said than done, but it is important to realise that this genuinely is not how most people perceive you because most people don't think like hormone-driven, ignorant young men.

Try to shake this off and don't internalise the shock and upset.Take comfort in the power you reclaimed when you complained and made him pay for his bad behaviour. His shitty remark doesn't define you and based on this incident I honestly think you should be feeling pretty great about yourself.

Thanks for standing up to this. All the best.

@ohthatbloodycat I am moving on 🤣but I updated and obviously try to answer if people ask me a question

@RaquelosvThank you so much 🤗

....OP you got the last laugh ! Put it behind you, go back in there and laugh in his face. He sounds like a foolish youngster to me. I'm glad the shop took you seriously and acted on your complaint. Good for you.