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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 21:57

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit

Off topic kind of but I have forgotten. She's not called Alyssa in real life is she?
No she isn't something similar though
OP posts:
Inastatus · 27/08/2021 22:01

Definitely get the wine under the guise of a glass of water for bed.

Puffalicious · 27/08/2021 22:02

Similarly, I have a brilliant friend who has always been a total soft touch with her dd: wouldn't sleep in her own bed until age 11; constant whining for whatever the adults are having (expensive dinner/ luxury ice cream we KNEW and she knew she wouldn't like rather than having the pizza/ ice cream she likes and all the other kids are having); constantly sticking to her mum's side like glue; very opinionated as got older; would never go to sleep. Now she's 17 mum thinks she's the most AMAZING individual and is so SPECIAL. And she still calls her by the most pathetic, childish nick-name.

Thank God I usually see my friend with no kids these days. She is wonderful but blinded by this dd. I just don't get it. I adore my DC and am super proud of their achievements, esp my eldest who is ridiculously good at everything- but I don't blab constantly or gush, I may mention the odd thing but that's it.

Puppalicious · 27/08/2021 22:02

@lemonsaretheonlyfruit , yeah, I know, most of my holidays have been with other families and I realised this year that I really really prefer it’s when it’s just us. I thought it was because I’m an introvert but really it’s because it’s stressful having to tie in with other people. We let our 8 yo stay up til 10.30/11pm some nights, we either watched a movie too old for his younger siblings, all quietly read separately or he watched something on iPad while DH and I had wine and chats on balcony. I would hate someone sitting judging us. Possibly not as much as I would hate having to do a pamper party with someone else’s child at 9.30pm at night 😬😬😬

BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar · 27/08/2021 22:04

@Rivermonsters

OP, I'd be happy to send you a glass of Russian standard, otherwise, go down and get your wine. Only one more night to go, finish strong Grin

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:04

Went down for the wine saying don't mind me, as Alyssa was painting her mum's feet (yes feet not toenails). Friend then sent me a selfie of herself looking very unhappy and a bit like a clown/drag queen with the caption 'FML' GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Lightisnotwhite · 27/08/2021 22:06

Get The Wine.

It’s a holiday. You are allowed into the fridge for wine at anytime people are up. You do not have converse unless they too are having wine.
No sure your mates spa has factored in wine given she’s 8.

YerWanIsGettinNotions · 27/08/2021 22:09

I'm so pleased you have the wine!

Friend has brought this on herself... she's literally let Alyssa make a clown of her as a parent 😂

Luckymummytoone · 27/08/2021 22:09

Reply FMYholiday!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:10

@NinaGonk

Wtf how tedious. Enjoy your netflix OP.

This reminds me of when I stayed in a caravan with friends and their 15 month kid. They were convinced she would only eat if they both sang an incredibly annoying song whilst feeding her.

Also she didnt have a bedtime. I remember our first night there, me asking them what she'd eat that teatime, "oh she'll just have the pizza with us", I replied saying that we wouldnt be eating till around 8pm - "oh that's fine she'll be up". Aaargh!

During that holiday I actually went to my room for a sob a couple of times. The manic food song and baby that never slept or napped tipped me over the edge.

Jaysus I'd rather have Alyssa and Dobble over that! At least our cottage is huge I'd have gone gone if we went in a caravan
OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:11

BTW should I make a second thread? This has got me through the tedium!

OP posts:
Shallwegoforawalk · 27/08/2021 22:14

The only reply to that is to send a picture of Frankenstein and say "well, you created that monster" Grin

lorn195 · 27/08/2021 22:14

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop 2nd thread please. I'm glad you got your wine, it's Friday night after all. 😀

BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar · 27/08/2021 22:17

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

BTW should I make a second thread? This has got me through the tedium!
Defintely, we need to know what happens for the finale Grin
Skybubble · 27/08/2021 22:18

I am going to miss this thread on Sunday evening! I have followed it all the way through and think you are amazing just for the fact that you have got through your holiday with humour and lots of patience, I think I would have fallen out with my friend but you have managed to keep it together, I hope you finally get your last night tomorrow A free.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:18

I feel like I should have a sweepstake running or something about what will happen on our final night

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 27/08/2021 22:18

OP I have been following your posts the last couple of days and having a right giggle at this thread.

Fair play to you for managing too keep it cool with your friend. I mean I love my own kids but I don't want them to see them anywhere but tucked up in bed sleeping at 11pm at night so I definitely don't want to deal with my friends kids either at that time. Lol let's be honest does anyone?

I know most people would smile and be polite when we are sipping our wine at 11pm whilst pretending to listen to there annoying kid who has refused to go to bed but most adults I know would be thinking "Get to bed you annoying spoilt little brat just because your parents find you entertaining doesn't mean the rest of us do".

I am sure as a teacher you know Alyssa's mum is the issue. I suspect her mum is one of those "Not my child she wouldn't do that types too" or "Alyssa is such a princess isn't she types" .

Anyway next holiday I suggest you arrange it minus Alyssa and her mum.

pansypotter123 · 27/08/2021 22:19

I'm glad you've retained a sense of humour throughout all this, and I hope you've enjoyed the "holiday" with your own children. Your friend must be very thick skinned if she doesn't realise she's allowed her daughter to completely derail the holiday. Will you be travelling home together?

Greenmarmalade · 27/08/2021 22:21
  • You do need to get to know students on an emotional level.

Are you a teacher @Greenmarmalade ??
I have 9 periods a day, 35 minutes long and usually 25-30 pupils. I have a subject to teach. Care to tell me how I am supposed to get to know all the pupils 'an emotional level'. 🤣🤣*

Yes I’m a teacher, years of experience. Relationships matter. Knowing students individually, trying to understand them and connecting with them makes a huge difference.

HermioneKipper · 27/08/2021 22:22

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Went down for the wine saying don't mind me, as Alyssa was painting her mum's feet (yes feet not toenails). Friend then sent me a selfie of herself looking very unhappy and a bit like a clown/drag queen with the caption 'FML' GrinGrinGrin
Oh god. This must be infuriating. Just parent decently and you won’t be in this pickle matey
CoronaPeroni · 27/08/2021 22:24

Pleeeeease don't have too much wine tomorrow night! Your friend might say that as you've all had a brilliant time you should do the same again next year. You need to be completely sober to stop yourself nodding in agreement.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:24

@Greenmarmalade I take it you teach primary?

OP posts:
PrincessNutella · 27/08/2021 22:25

OMG painting her feet and her sending you the selfie, how can that not have made the whole ordeal worthwhile?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:25

@CoronaPeroni

Pleeeeease don't have too much wine tomorrow night! Your friend might say that as you've all had a brilliant time you should do the same again next year. You need to be completely sober to stop yourself nodding in agreement.
It's already been suggested!!!!!
OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 27/08/2021 22:26

Huge sympathy but actually I think your now enabling the situation.
When she came down you should have said firmly.. "no thank you alyssa, its past children's bedtime so i don't want a pamper as I am drinking wine and watching adult TV"
Then you put on said TV, pour wine and ignore friend and brat.
Alyssa has won tonight... Not just over her mum but has hit you skulking off to your room.
Though I understand why and would probably have done same...