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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Rivermonsters · 27/08/2021 21:35

How many nights left?

AngelPrint · 27/08/2021 21:35

Holy shit! giving the mummies a very quick pamper is something I’d have to grit my teeth through during my peak ‘mummy will play with you’ hours. No friggin way at 9:30pm on a Friday when I’m on holiday. Well done for not agreeing to that shite OP.

Karwomannghia · 27/08/2021 21:35

Go get the wine! There’s nothing to lose!

lorn195 · 27/08/2021 21:36

@Feedingthebirds1 I agree, get the wine and then go back upstairs.

supadupapupascupa · 27/08/2021 21:36

Jesus Christ..... please go get your wine and if anything is said just repeat you are enjoying child free time in your room.....

OverByYer · 27/08/2021 21:36

Omg your friend is useless. Go back and get your wine. Don’t say anything as you do. Stop being such a wuss

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 27/08/2021 21:36

Your friend is a wet fart.

My friend was also a wet fart and her adult child is still a spoilt show offy brat who can't see beyond herself. I really can't be fucked with parents like this.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 27/08/2021 21:37

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I would have no qualms in brusquely bustling downstairs because you have forgotten something in order to get your wine and have your perfect solitude before you go to sleep. . No eye contact - in and out job. Don't be beholden to Alyssa or her mum. You don't owe them any explanations or allowances..

TriCeraBottom · 27/08/2021 21:39

If you don’t get the wine it’s like you e actually gone to bed because you’re tired and don’t want to sit and chat with your friend anyway. Go get the wine no need to say anything or just say “oh just grabbing a nightcap for reading my book with or watching Netflix with” and go back upstairs. That way there is no question that you were willing and available for adult chat. I love my children but I need adult time when they are young and I give my days to them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2021 21:39

Definitely go back down for it!

This has been a very entertaining thread - I’m sorry if this seems like it’s been at your expense! Thanks for sharing your holiday with us Grin

Limeavocado · 27/08/2021 21:41

Strange that the poorly tummy prevents her recuperating quietly in bed but doesn’t stop her taking on a mini beautician role…

I’d respectfully suggest the poorly tummy is BS and that both mother and daughter both know it. You have SO done the right thing Op.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 27/08/2021 21:44

Off topic kind of but I have forgotten. She's not called Alyssa in real life is she?

Puppalicious · 27/08/2021 21:47

@notthemum , I expressly didn’t whinge about OP’s parenting - we’re all different there - I queried her “friending”, if that were a word. I have no idea if she’s a good parent, I’m just not sure she’s a good friend.
I think it’s very difficult to stay in a house with another family, and I most certainly don’t think putting your children to bed at 7pm makes you a better parent - apart from anything else it’s a very British thing to do, and something that I have heard other nationalities certainly judge them hard for. I’m not British, and don’t know anyone who puts their 8/9 year old to bed at that time, but I can see the attraction. I have been on various sides of this - the childfree angry at kids being up after 9, the mother of toddlers feeling exhausted and pissed off because extended family thought it fun for all to enjoy late Spanish nights out at 11pm, the mother feeling judged by the child free because my kids were still awake at 9pm. I’m far from pissed off or whingy as I’m just back from a holiday in the sun with just my family, working to our own schedule, and it was blisssssssful. I heartily recommend to all the harridans on this thread slagging off other people’s children, maybe then you would be a little less purse-lipped about everyone else!

HermioneKipper · 27/08/2021 21:48

Poorly tummy?! Surely she should be in bed resting then!

notthemum · 27/08/2021 21:49

Jesus Christ. Definitely get your wine op and anything else that you can find for a little treat. Sorry about this but your friend is a fucking loon.
If the kid has a poorly tummy she should be in bed in the peace and quiet and maybe staying there all day tomorrow unless you are on your way home then you want rid of her asap.

SunshineCake · 27/08/2021 21:49

You have to get your wine. If they think you have gone to bed they will think there was no issue with Princess Alyssa coming down. You appearing to take your wine shows 100% that you meant what you said and shows ineffectual mummy what's she's missing.

Go get the wine!

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 27/08/2021 21:51

I’m just back from a holiday in the sun with just my family, working to our own schedule, and it was blisssssssful.

You are missing the point. Yes if it's just your own family then I'm sure it's blisssssssssssful, but that's not the situation here as it's not for many people.

Horst · 27/08/2021 21:53

Go get the wine women. If anyone says anything say it’s to settle your tummy Wink

NinaGonk · 27/08/2021 21:53

Wtf how tedious. Enjoy your netflix OP.

This reminds me of when I stayed in a caravan with friends and their 15 month kid. They were convinced she would only eat if they both sang an incredibly annoying song whilst feeding her.

Also she didnt have a bedtime. I remember our first night there, me asking them what she'd eat that teatime, "oh she'll just have the pizza with us", I replied saying that we wouldnt be eating till around 8pm - "oh that's fine she'll be up". Aaargh!

During that holiday I actually went to my room for a sob a couple of times. The manic food song and baby that never slept or napped tipped me over the edge.

Puffalicious · 27/08/2021 21:53

Honestly, she's a total push over. I couldn't be doing this and would need to say something: it would kill me otherwise.

RuggerHug · 27/08/2021 21:55

Get the bloody wine!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 21:55

@boomboom1234

How many more nights have you got left? I'd be so pissed off!!
Tomorrow is our final night
OP posts:
Luckymummytoone · 27/08/2021 21:56

Please tell us you got the wine!! 🤞🏼

NumberTheory · 27/08/2021 21:56

Get the wine. If they say anything just shrug and say "I'm still on holiday" and smile before retreating again.

MotherofTerriers · 27/08/2021 21:56

Go and get the wine! Just say you need to reply to a text/catch up with emails so might as well have a glass of wine while you do that