Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 27/08/2021 22:26

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Went down for the wine saying don't mind me, as Alyssa was painting her mum's feet (yes feet not toenails). Friend then sent me a selfie of herself looking very unhappy and a bit like a clown/drag queen with the caption 'FML' GrinGrinGrin
She does get to change this situation if she wants to.
Greenmarmalade · 27/08/2021 22:27

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop secondary teacher.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:32

[quote Greenmarmalade]@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop secondary teacher.[/quote]
How do you form an emotional connection with each and every one of your hundreds of pupils while also teaching?

OP posts:
OhDearMuriel · 27/08/2021 22:38

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop
Fuck her and her daughter - tomorrow night go out for a nice meal!

2Rebecca · 27/08/2021 22:39

The friend is not prioritising your friendship. Child with make up should have been marched back to bed and told it's bed time and mummy's getting angry now. Your friend could easily change this but chooses not to

Daisy1245 · 27/08/2021 22:40

I'm sorry op but it seems you have really judged your friend I'm glad I have true friends. When I see things my friends could change I help. I don't judge. Now I'll probably get flamed but I find this thread a sad read. Your friend has asked to do it again as she likes you and you haven't been open you aren't enjoying it. Just shows how life is a perception I guess.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 22:43

@Daisy1245 ah well, I can handle it if you're sad about it, but why should I tolerate this shit on my holiday? She's a grown woman and it's not my place to help

OP posts:
Dreamingofbeergardens · 27/08/2021 22:44

Alyssa really has her mum wrapped around her little finger doesn't she? If I had a poorly (made up) tummy I would have been sent back to bed to rest!
Glad you went back for the wine!

2Rebecca · 27/08/2021 22:47

I probably would have told my friend that I'd enjoy the holiday more if she spent the evening with me not her daughter and stuck to the bed times we'd agreed. It's not good for a child to have that much control either

MrsLighthouse · 27/08/2021 22:47

No one likes to resent a child , but honestly that scenario would drive me mental !! You can’t really do anything about it but l would NEVER put myself in that position again .

2Rebecca · 27/08/2021 22:48

Agree poorly tummies need bed with paracetamol not coming downstairs to play

Notmoresugar · 27/08/2021 22:51

@Daisy1245
You sound like a lovely friend, but I think the OP would go down like a lead balloon in this particular case because her friend thinks the sun totally shines out of her precious daughter's arse.
I think from what's been said, if the @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop tried to help her it would very likely be the end of the 'friendship.'

happinessischocolate · 27/08/2021 22:54

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Went down for the wine saying don't mind me, as Alyssa was painting her mum's feet (yes feet not toenails). Friend then sent me a selfie of herself looking very unhappy and a bit like a clown/drag queen with the caption 'FML' GrinGrinGrin
Perfect 😁
LAgeDeRaisin · 27/08/2021 22:55

Absolutely to the new thread! Please ignore the emotional connection bollocks. You shouldn't need to be emotionally involved with a pupil to get them to sit down and shut the fuck up and stop making everybody else's lesson about them.

In the rest of the (sane) world it's okay to expect someone not to act like a total bellend without needing some sort of emotional intervention every 10 minutes to achieve baseline civility, and the majority of secondary age children should be able to achieve this without the self-centred pampered absurdity of acceptable behaviour being conditional on a deep emotional bond with those around them.

'Sorry employer, I can't type up this report untill you've made an effort to emotionally bond with me. Mummy and daddy say just a bit of persuasion should do it"

PussInBin20 · 27/08/2021 22:58

Your thread has made me chuckle OP. Hope you get a good last night!

Daisy1245 · 27/08/2021 23:06

It's ironic you post that response on a Mumsnet forum. "It is not your job to help a grown woman." When Mumsnet is there as a safe place for grown women to get advice and help in regards to parenting or life struggles. You seem to not mind being ruthless online whilst sat in your room not confronting the issue. If you aren't there to help you certainly are there to judge. So do your friend a favour, go and say it to her face so she knows where she stands.

adeleh · 27/08/2021 23:14

I never understand why some people think that saying things to someone’s face is the kind thing to do. It often isn’t. It often risks extremely hurt feelings and humiliation. Surely OP letting off steam in an anonymous forum isbetter than hurting her friend (who is being none too considerate of OP).

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 23:14

@Daisy1245 but my friend isn't posting on MN for support. This is about my life, my holiday which I paid a small fortune for on a single parent teachers' wage, that is now being partly spoiled by my friend's inability to put boundaries in place. Forgive me if I actually try and grab some enjoyment out of it rather than counsel my friend in how to parent her child.

Re criticising parents - you just don't go there with 99% of parents least of all parents who think the sun shines out of their kids' arse

OP posts:
BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar · 27/08/2021 23:18

@Daisy1245

It's ironic you post that response on a Mumsnet forum. "It is not your job to help a grown woman." When Mumsnet is there as a safe place for grown women to get advice and help in regards to parenting or life struggles. You seem to not mind being ruthless online whilst sat in your room not confronting the issue. If you aren't there to help you certainly are there to judge. So do your friend a favour, go and say it to her face so she knows where she stands.
I thought OP was on holiday, not employed as some kind of therapist. The friend doesn't want parenting advice because she sees no problem with pandering to all her little darling's whims.
Summerbreeze4 · 27/08/2021 23:20

This sounds like a nightmare and your friend s very inconsiderate to bring her 8 year old down to play games knowing your 9 year old is in bed, how does your 9 year old feel about this senario. There is no way I would be playing any games with someone else’s children once mine were in bed, you should have made it clear on day 1 and just said I’m really sorry friend but I can’t really play games with Your 8 year old while telling my older child they need to be in bed so I will wait in my room (with wine, iPad, chocolate) until you guys have finished. Friend might have then made more effort to get her in bed, I’m afraid you enabled the situation to carry on by participating. Glad you finally wisened up tonight.

Daisy1245 · 27/08/2021 23:24

You said yourself your friend doesn't know about Mumsnet. So how can she post for advice. Just picture it from her point of view too is all I was trying to convey. You are her friend. She thinks you are having a lovely time on holiday with her. What you slag her of on Mumsnet. How hurt would she be if she knew that and had no idea that's how you felt. You don't need to criticize anything to help. "Oh some children are a nightmare at bedtime do you know what worked for a colleague of mine" that is how a friend helps. I do completely see your side of a single parents holiday and I'm sure as a teacher you work very hard. But you could of gone to your room and enjoyed your wine in peace without all the judgement if you were a good friend. That's all I found sad the judgement from you constantly in every post.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/08/2021 23:28

Oi, @Daisy1245.

You're a twit.

RandomMess · 27/08/2021 23:29

It's quite clear the DD exists on a 10pm - 9am schedule whilst the other DC are on a more typical 8pm-7am one. Quite simply I'd be getting her up even earlier and ensuring she was exhausted to bring forward her bedtime. I cannot imagine what their mornings are like term time with her not wanting to be woken up 😳

Summerbreeze4 · 27/08/2021 23:29

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Oi, *@Daisy1245*.

You're a twit.

This
Jumpingintosummer · 27/08/2021 23:31

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@Daisy1245 but my friend isn't posting on MN for support. This is about my life, my holiday which I paid a small fortune for on a single parent teachers' wage, that is now being partly spoiled by my friend's inability to put boundaries in place. Forgive me if I actually try and grab some enjoyment out of it rather than counsel my friend in how to parent her child.

Re criticising parents - you just don't go there with 99% of parents least of all parents who think the sun shines out of their kids' arse[/quote]
Enjoy what you can @FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop. Commenting on her parenting wouldn’t help the situation. Stick to wine and chocolate!