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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday

999 replies

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 25/08/2021 23:42

NC'd for this.

On holiday in a cottage with a friend and we each have 2 kids - mine are 5 & 9 and hers are 5 & 8. I haven't seen this friend in ages as I moved away from my town a few years ago, then COVID happened so this was a great chance to catch up and ours kids are all get on very well. We said loads beforehand that we couldn't wait to talk about what's going in our lives - her with a new job and home, me in a new relationship etc. We stocked up on wine for the holiday as we said we would put the kids to bed and wile away the hours on our balcony (we've been away before and this is something of a tradition). We also wanted to catch up on the same TV show we are watching and watch new episodes together as we don't know anyone else who watches this show.

When we got here we decided 8.30 was a reasonable bedtime for the kids, and my 2 and her youngest have gone down no problem every night after busy days. But We've been here 4 nights and every single night her 8yo refuses to sleep so she brings her downstairs to spend the night with us. Meaning the dynamic COMPLETELY changes, rather than playing poker like we usually do, we have to play Dobble. And instead of watching our TV show (which wouldn't be appropriate with an 8yo around), my friend puts Horrid Henry on.

The talk is PG - no catching up the way we wanted has been done - and, at the risk of sounding nasty, her 8yo has turned into quite an obnoxious little thing. I've spent the last 4 evenings hearing from the 8yo herself about how amazing she is in school, better than all the other kids and she is 'top of the class' (I am a teacher, there is no such thing), how Isabella is rubbish at swimming and she could swim better than her when she was only 4, how she drew a better picture today than my DD, how everyone wants to be her friends and she only picks the most popular girls to be friends with and not the others etc. She also says pretty rude things like "Why do you eat your toast whole, that's a stupid way to eat it, you should cut it up". I do tell her not to be so rude and comment on what people eat.

My friend just gazes at her starry eyed, says nothing when she's rude and makes an extremely feeble effort to put her to bed. It usually starts with her tucking her in at8.30, then at about 9 her DD comes down saying she can't sleep then she takes her back upstairs, before coming back down saying like "oh dear, Alyssa wants to stay up with us, I said that's fine for a few minutes". Then at 11pm they both go up together.

AIBU to be annoyed that I'm spending my holidays nights playing a children's game, the conversation centring around how amazing a rude 8yo is and watching cartoons. It's 11.30pm now, I'm alone downstairs nursing the rest of the wine and feeling a bit sorry for myself!

To make matters worse, my friend said tonight in front of her DD "Alyssa says everyone woke her up this morning making noise so in the morning if she's still asleep everyone will have to be extra quiet". Alyssa was still in bed today at 9.30am!! My kids, us adults and my friend's youngest, are up at 7am. I'm not tiptoeing around just because she can't put her DD to bed on time! I did say well if you went to bed when your mummy told you you would be up at the same time as everyone else.

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 27/08/2021 19:13

YANBU

One of my friends does this, her children don’t really have a bedtime and that’s been the case since they were born.

It drives me absolutely crazy and I always drink more wine than I should when I’m there. The screaming, throwing things around, kids tv on a loop until midnight on a weekend. Aaaaagggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Lookingoutside · 27/08/2021 19:14

Ditto the starry eyed staring too. What is that?! The worse the behavior the starrier the staring.

Jumpingintosummer · 27/08/2021 19:22

Think I would be having a long bath with wine and a book tonight!

LAgeDeRaisin · 27/08/2021 20:29

Alyssa update required: is she having a meltdown because 5yo went on the climbing wall?

torchh · 27/08/2021 20:32

I'm watching motherland and just watched the weekend away one.

'Be firm with your kid!' 😂

pansypotter123 · 27/08/2021 20:35

What's happening this evening?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 20:47

Same as last night! Wine poured, friend upstairs settling her kids, mine went to bed at 7pm because they're knackered after some sunshine today (call social services, early bedtime alert Grin). I'm shattered so going to bed at 9.30 if she isn't down

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/08/2021 20:49

^”I often tell the cat it'll be made into slippers.
I'm not tolerating any nonsense. I'll surfboard that furry bastard inside.”^

I am definitely using this threat on CatBastard, the next time he bites me or picks on the dogs, @DoWhatYouWantToAndShh!

torchh · 27/08/2021 20:51

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Same as last night! Wine poured, friend upstairs settling her kids, mine went to bed at 7pm because they're knackered after some sunshine today (call social services, early bedtime alert Grin). I'm shattered so going to bed at 9.30 if she isn't down
How long's she been up there?
decoratedstandardlamp · 27/08/2021 20:54

I can't wait to hear all about tonight's antics (whilst feeling pissed off on your behalf OP)

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2021 20:55

Virtual friend waiting games on again I see. It's a heavily contested competition.

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/08/2021 20:56

Have we got river dance 2.0 yet?

LittleBearPad · 27/08/2021 20:56

Good luck this evening OP

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 27/08/2021 21:03

She appeared yet? I couldn’t be bothered with all that faffing about at bedtime. Bedtime for mine is 8.30 (10/11) lights off/sleeping by 2130 10 year old needs his sleep and 11 year old is usually asleep first but up bright as a button in the morning. I have a friend who doesn’t believe in bedtime abs her kids are awake after she goes to bed most nights, I don’t want my kids wandering the house whilst I’m in bed. It disturbs the dog and I just don’t like it. They have books and can read if can’t sleep but no wandering about.

notthemum · 27/08/2021 21:11

Billy and Also Pupp.
As mentioned by other posters, Op was initially looking for a bit of support. If you really don't like her posts, her attitudes or anything else then why the hell are you wasting her time, ours and even yours still posting ? Some of us may have experience of a kid like this, some may not but when i joined mumsnet I did so with no expectations and sometimes the advice is good, sometimes not so much, sometimes it can make us laugh and maybe even cry, but if you don't want to read what someone else has written don't bitch just stop reading and engaging with the fucking thread. Here's some wine and chocolate for you both 🍷 🍫 maybe it will cheer you up or at least stop you whinging over OPs parenting when SHE has done nothing wrong.

gogohm · 27/08/2021 21:12

8.30 is pretty early for holidays for a 8/9 year old. Letting the older ones stay up until 9.30 together might have been a better strategy than too early when not tired

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 21:15

Still no sign and no message either!

I'm afraid these updates may prove to be boring 🤣

I did very much enjoy Riverdance 2.0, I do believe they re-enacted the flute scene from Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance tonight as I heard lots of "SHE SNATCHED IT OFF ME!!!". It a miracle my kids are still asleep with the pre-bed noise. I'd check they're ok but that means getting up off the sofa, so that won't be happening

OP posts:
Rivermonsters · 27/08/2021 21:23

What does river dance mean

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 27/08/2021 21:25

@notthemum brilliantly put 🙌🏻

crosstalk · 27/08/2021 21:30

I think we've all enjoyed your story OP. And learnt the lesson - do not go on holiday with other people if you're not on the same page. Or if you're not then book adjacent places.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 27/08/2021 21:31

KLAXON: They both came down!!!

Friend made a lemon face that Alyssa has a poorly tummy and wants to stay up and Alyssa had the LOVELY and very kind idea of 'giving the mummies a very quick pamper' - Alyssa was armed with nail varnish, lipgloss and mascara.

I said well that does sound lovely but the sun has absolutely floored me so you two enjoy doing nails, I'm off to bed.

No adverse reaction, and I don't feel bad either.

The only problem: I forgot my wine 🙄 so in bed with my iPad, half a fruit and nut and some 4 day old warm half a bottle of Evian. Can't really go back when I've said I'm gonna be in bed 😂 I suppose being sober beats being poked in the eye with blue Rimmel

OP posts:
boomboom1234 · 27/08/2021 21:33

How many more nights have you got left? I'd be so pissed off!!

Pumpkintopf · 27/08/2021 21:33

Oh for goodness sake! Your friend is a nightmare op.

Feedingthebirds1 · 27/08/2021 21:34

The only problem: I forgot my wine 🙄 so in bed with my iPad, half a fruit and nut and some 4 day old warm half a bottle of Evian. Can't really go back when I've said I'm gonna be in bed

Isn't this a good time to fetch it and make a big thing about how you're going back to your room so's not to spoil their fun???

TriCeraBottom · 27/08/2021 21:35

Go down and get your wine!! Please. Honestly I have every sympathy with a parent whose child doesn’t sleep well but she’s pandering to her by letting her come downstairs.

I’m also a bit Hmm at those suggesting OP let her 9 year old stay up later just to keep A company. Hello! The 9yr old is going to sleep without bother which presumably means she’s tired and needs the sleep. Why should she be made to stay up late and suffer the next day from lack of sleep just to appease A??