2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Hope you get a decent nights rest OP and fingers crossed CF has got the message that she’s not welcome.

do you think she would listen if your DP told her 'no' and told her to stop pestering you

I know you shouldnt have to, but if she is going to keep laying it on.

he could ask her why she cant stay in the house too, while he is at it (and because Im nosy as to what her excuse could possibly be)

And you are completely not being unreasonable. She is beyond cheeky and moving rapidly into 'seriously taking the piss' territory

Thank you, I hope so!

Thank goodness you didn't let her move in.

Sleep well OP, your DP sounds like mine, really lovely and understanding. Stay strong, your previous thread proves she's the one in the wrong, I think it was pretty much unanimous!

Goodnight Op. Stay strong and don't let her bully you into allowing her to stay!

Think I'd consider texting her

"I cannot believe you are doing all this emotional blackmail rubbish on me, clearly you were never a decent friend after all."

Well she's made it absolutely clear that you were right to say no, OP! I hope that's blown away the last shred of guilt that you were feeling at the beginning of the original thread!

You've done brilliantly. You were so vulnerable last night, but you held on tight, stuck to your guns, and proved yourself stronger than you think.

I know it's awful to discover this side to your friend and know that things will never be the same. But you've also found something out about yourself I think. That you can handle this. Good for you, and good for your DP in supporting you.

Sleep well. Anymore messages then your DP needs to ring her.

It’s not all about her. It’s about your needs too. And your DP.

Hope you get some sleep @islandhoppin, what a stressful day for you

I still want to know why the CF friend wants to move in with the OP and why she can't stay in her own home.

I can't believe how low she's gone. That's no friend. Stay firm OP.

I’m wondering if it’s up fir sale at all or if CF is in £ trouble & put her house on AirB&B - stick to your guns OP, CF is blaming you over her decision to make herself homeless - she’s Crazy

Night night! Well done on your assertiveness.
You and your partner sound like a great team.

Oops copied from the old thread as I didn't see a new one:

OP I'm glad your partner is so supportive.

What you need to hold onto is that if her behaviour right now is not respecting your boundaries or your mental health then the situation would be far worse if she were to move in.

This is not about refusing to help a friend in need.

This is about a "friend" trying to take advantage of you and your partner and using emotional blackmail to do so.

It's one thing being able to fend that off from a distance (as difficult as that has been for you) and quite another if (as is likely) she does so whilst living with you.

It's completely unreasonable to make yourself homeless and expect to stay rent free with a friend for an indeterminate amount of time to save up money for her next house (and seemingly expect her partner to also benefit from this arrangement - "It will be fun", no, it will be hell).

If you let her move in she will not leave. She will not respect your home, your boundaries, your privacy or your feelings.

She's not crying on the phone because you've let her down and she deserves more from you.

She's crying because she doesn't care about you. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and getting what she wants irrespective of the cost (both emotional and financial) to anyone else.

Why would you let someone attacking you, your home and your mental state into your house

Its really appalling..

time to Block I think 🌸

@islandhoppin

I would absolutely respond to her last text -
"This is the end then. I finally see you for who you are. I am now blocking you on my phone and all SM. Don't contact me again."

I am getting the impression that the family member she lived with has had enough of her and her dog and her rude partner, and she has been kicked out of her house.

The worst thing about this is your messages were very firm, yet she kept trying. Like she thinks you are weak and will keep chipping away until you give in, even when you specifically asked to respect the decision. A true friends does not behave like this.

There is definitely more to her story than she is telling you, or why the nasty messages and sobbing down the phone? Sounds like she wants you to get sucked into whatever drama is going on. You've made the right decision.

She sounds desperate, like she’s being kicked out, not someone you’d want as a house guest then!

The one thing that has happened with all of these texts back and forth is that she has proven that you were right to be wary of letting her, her partner and her dog stay indefinitely at your home. Thankfully this all came out before she got a chance to set foot in your house. All you need to do now is stay strong.

She is a thwarted CF on a rampage

Just read the whole thread and moved onto this one! Just WOW … “Cheeky Fucker” just does not cover it @islandhoppin. I was drawn to the first statement “I know what you’re like”. This is a really nasty gas-lighting technique to get you to question yourself and to believe she knows you better than you know yourself. Then to harness your MH to try and guilt you, it’s quite unbelievable and it really makes me question what previous influence her conduct has had on your MH. You did a very brave thing standing up to her; not easy but even harder with someone so manipulative. I agree that the phone message needed to be listened to but I agree that you don’t owe her any response now; don’t enter into a dialogue for a while. I’m really sorry you’ve been put through that angst OP but I can’t help feeling the clarity you’ve got tonight about your friend is ultimately a good thing.

I am sorry she hasn't taken the hint snd thinks you are a pushover OP.