2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Excellent post from MadameMonk. Love the wall analogy, and it makes it very easy to understand and remember

OP, good to hear that you're out and about today. Will be interesting to see if she has the nerve to come to your door

@islandhoppin

Luckily I'm not at home today. I'm out at a works meeting away from home so I won't be back until late. DP is going to be home though. Hope she doesn't turn up..

Hopefully she will and your DP will leave her in no doubt your position.

There is certainly something going on that we don't know about. This 'friend' has got herself into a situation that she's not telling. We can only speculate what that might be. All we know is that you have avoided something even worse than you know about.
Well done OP and your soon to be DH. You are a great team!

Hold firm OP - she really can't demand to live in your house and then get cross when the answer is no.
She really sounds entitled

Your friend's such a CF I can imagine her taking tiles off the roof to climb in with her dog and two suitcases full of clothes and chocolate, and chucking all your stuff out of your attic to make herself at home.

She'd be like a giant cuckoo taking over the nest.

A mean part of me hopes that she doesn't realise that you are away today, turns up on the doorstep hoping to browbeat you into submission with her tears and guilt tripping - and finds she has to deal with your partner

She has likely already spent this money on magic beans, or at the races, in anticipation of your acceptance. Now, in her mind, you owe her £22,110 and an apology.
Love your raisining, as well as your username, @LAgeDeRaisin

OP just wanted to share with you the story of my old neighbor who dealt with the same issue. An old friend of her had to sell her house due to bankruptcy and was on the waiting list for a council house. She was going to stay with another elderly friend until she had a new home but got into trouble with this friend so my old neighbor stepped in and offered her to stay with her in her appartment. Until this day she utterly regrets this decision. The friend had her own room but insist on sitting on my neighbors sofa until deep in the night so my neighbor felt that this guest had taken over her whole living room and she had no space to herself in her own home. The dog that the friend brought was causing issues as the guest was being a CF who refused to respect basic rules such as no dog on the sofa, whenever my neighbor wasn’t home. She also didn’t financially contribute anything and was constantly destroying the homes atmosphere as she wad relentlessly complaining about her life, politics, the weather etc. She was supposed to stay for a month or so but stayed for 3 months with no end in sight. Eventually my neighbor asked her to leave and she left like a thief in the night, leaving her room in a mess and without so much as a thank you note. Needless to say it has been years and they have never spoken again. This is a true story and a cautionary tale; do not fall into the same trap. It’s good that you said no, stand your ground and let your DP step in if necessary,

As much as I’m sure we’d all like to live rent and bills free it’s not really acceptable to assume your friends will just put you up for more than a night or two. She sounds a sandwich short of a picnic, I wouldn’t bother with her again just block her. You don’t need friend like that!

Sorry this is still continuing for you.

If she does turn up at your house I hope your DP gives it to her with both barrels.

...... and so it continues.

Let me guess… She hasn’t been paying bills at her own house and her DB has had enough of her shit. Do you know him well enough to contact him @islandhoppin?

I am quite interested to know where she does go. I mean, no one is going to put her up for free are they?

I don't understand why she's guilt-tripping you when she has a perfectly fine house of her own plus family with spare rooms?
Most people stay in their own homes whilst trying to sell them

If you lose her friendship over not going along with her plan... then it wasn't the deep relationship you imagnined. (Are you sure you want to continue with someone who really takes you so much for granted and seems to have little empathy with you even though she is supposed to know you so well?)

I doubt that even a very strong friendship would hold up after a CF stay like the one she has planned.

Being firm and quietly knowing that you are in the right is your best chance of keeping things even in your life and in this friendship.

Well done on standing your ground! She is acting as if she is in desperate need but actually there is no reason for her to move out of her house whilst it sells and it’s ridiculously unfair for her to expect you to house her for free for months whilst her house potentially sits empty!

Great advice from @MadameMonk there. Looking forward to seeing pictures of your sex swing, OP!

Stay strong, and don't feel you need to give your CF friend any more explanations.

Bloody well done OP for dodging that bullet!

I imagine it must be difficult given you thought of her as such a good friend, but can you imagine what that would have been like if they moved in?

I hope you get to celebrate with DP

Hope this is the beginning of a new 'you' who says no without needing to give a reason!!

And do consider taking her off the wedding guest list ...

I've had another call this morning but not answered, another voicemail but I can't listen to it until my break later today. Not sure I even want to. It's draining.

Oh god she doesn’t give up does she?!

Makes me wonder how many times she has manipulated and bullied other people into doing what she wants.

@islandhoppin

I've had another call this morning but not answered, another voicemail but I can't listen to it until my break later today. Not sure I even want to. It's draining.

She really didn't expect this, did she? Stay strong - take some time for yourself to cope with the change in how you see her/ your relationship.

Ugh. This is not the behaviour of a real friend. Stay strong, OP.