2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Thank you. It's a shame as I was really feeling so much more confident having the help I have had from a lot of you guys on this thread, but I don't want to begin annoying people who think that it's not genuine etc.

Op they'll always be troll hunters. But feel free to ignore anyone.

You've had a really rough week. I hope you're feeling OK.

I'm okay, I just feel kind of numb. I can't really describe it

You're kind of in shock, by the sounds of it. This entire episode must have been deeply shocking, and that's without having a funeral to cope with on top.

Just go through the motions of life, make sure you eat, go to bed, get dressed. It's OK. You don't need to do anything more for anyone.

Yes, please ignore the troll hunters. You've had an enormous shock OP, some scary experiences and you've lost a friendship. Not at all surprised that you're feeling numb. Please take it easy

You will be grieving about the person whose funeral you went to, but also about this lost friendship. You sound like you're in shock and you were already struggling even before all of this. I think she thought you would be a push over, but it turns out that you're not.

However, just like a car crash can injure and damage you physically, events like this can injure and damage you mentally/emotionally.
Look after yourself and take time to heal properly from this.

Don't worry Op. please don't take the odd troll hunter poster to heart. They're everywhere sadly.

I've posted several quite traumatic posts about being assaulted and still come under fire. I also felt I had to explain myself. I was clearly going through hell but there were people saying I'd deserved it. Or trying to pick holes in everything I said. It was more traumatic than going to the police!

I'm glad you're ok. I hope this is the end of it for you. I also agree not to go to her family. It just invites more conversation. And I think you need to draw a line under this and move on as hard as that might be.

Hope the odd poster hasn't put you off here. Please come back if you ever need support

I'm so sorry that you've gone through all this, and can imagine that you are probably feeling not only shock, but some kind of loss, because this person is no longer the friend you thought you had.

Please don't feel under any obligation to update, unless it's something that you're happy to do. You came here for advice, and a shoulder of support, and hopefully, you've had enough of that to convince you that people are supporting you through this horrible ordeal.

Sending you hugs and strength.

x

This week you've had to process shock, anxiety, grief, sadness AND anger at various times about various things. It's no wonder you feel exhausted and like shit you poor thing!

you've had an awful experience and it's bound to knock you. Just to repeat: take what's useful from the perceptive and supportive posters, it's good stuff. Take it easy, something like this is shocking.

Op I know a few people who can't accept no and would go equally as beserk. Well done you for standing up to it!

You're a people pleaser OP, so all of this is just that bit harder for you, including feeling hurt that some people don't believe you. The thing is no matter what you post on here a certain percentage won't believe you, some because they are cynical and think most people lie most of the time in real life as well as Mumsnet, some because they've been sucked into a thread in the past that turned out to be a troll and are now a bit wary. Don't take it personally because they don't know you well enough to mean it personally.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. But I do think it’s possible there’s more to it than you know - would you consider you or your DP trying to have a conversation with someone from the family to try to find out what’s going on?

There might be more too it, the friend has either lied or been financially irresponsible but bottom line is nobody should be expecting to sponge off friends for months.

Given the threatening behaviour why on earth should the Op even consider having this person in her house.

If Op asks questions she's opening herself up to being talked into hosting this CF for months if not years.

@Minionbums

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. But I do think it’s possible there’s more to it than you know - would you consider you or your DP trying to have a conversation with someone from the family to try to find out what’s going on?

Good grief Op do NOT do this.

Whatever may or may not be happening in your ex-friend's life, her behaviour is outrageous & contacting her family is only going to get you sucked back into it.

Anyone who deals with stalking, harrassment, & extreme boundary-crossing professionally would advise you the same thing - disengage, disengage, disengage.

Absolutely agree - don’t engage any further. If you contact her family she will likely become more enraged ! Just leave it now. She has serious issues and needs avoiding

Thanks, it's been an awful experience for sure. Never would I have thought this would happen 😔

im sorry this is happening OP. hows she acting, is she angry / apologetic etc? How utterly bizarre behaviour. I wonder if her OH even knows whats going on.

Gosh, hope she's leaving you alone now @islandhoppin

Please don't feel you need to keep us updated. I'll go by the principle if no news is good news!

Her DP definitely knows what's happening but I don't know if her family do.
I was going to send a text to them but decided against it.
Not heard anything today but then again I know today is her long shift at work so that's probably why!

I hope you're able to give your mind a rest from this situation. I really feel for you.

@islandhoppin

Her DP definitely knows what's happening but I don't know if her family do. I was going to send a text to them but decided against it. Not heard anything today but then again I know today is her long shift at work so that's probably why!

You’ve done the right thing all along @islandhoppin

Ignore the troll hunters and negative posters. If they had genuine concerns they’d contact MN, not piss on your post. Just look after yourself.

Hi

I’m a long time lurker but been following with interest. I’m just a little confused so please forgive me, but how far does this friend live??

@islandhoppin… Please don’t allow the troll hunters to increase your anxiety. In any long thread (particularly anything requiring a part 2 or 3) they tend to crawl out of the woodwork. There are a lot of people here who also have genuinely experienced bullying/stalking behaviour, or simply been used/had their boundaries abused, etc… by family and friends who use their insecurities and anxieties to get what they want. Chances are you have been conditioned to be a “people pleaser”. It’s like dog training - from very young, we enjoy the feeling of being told that we’re a “Good Girl!”, and unfortunately the people in our lives at that time don’t allow us to develop an independent, confident identity with strong boundaries. I’m pleased your DH is so supportive and you know you can lean on him. If you examine your history with your friend, you may see that she has been contributing to your anxiety levels (with her expectations of you, etc) for years.