2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

I wonder if your friend who probably didn’t own half the house she claims she did but had in fact outstayed her welcome. Her relatives wouldn’t have her even though they had spare rooms because they know she is a free loader and won’t move out in a few months.

She was probably feeling desperate looking for more free accomodation and wasn’t going to take no for an answer from you.

@AviciaJones there's definitely something not right with the friends story of owning half the house and being almost mortgage free aged 24. If she'd been given that much money she'd have bought independently and invested in a bigger house.

But ultimately it's not the Ops problem. But makes me wonder what other BS has she said over the years.

Stay well away, don't get involved with messaging her family. Hopefully this is the end of it.

Hmm Well I hope that the advice has worked. It was and is extensive.
Which part do you think is the most helpful?

I agree the story of part ownership in the house is probably a lie. She has outstayed her welcome and they are giving her the boot.

Gosh lying about owning part of a house is a big thing if this is the case. I hadn’t thought of this as I can’t stand lies. Perhaps she’s being evicted? Totally not your problem though and I wouldn’t give this head space.

I definitely wouldn’t message her family. You’ve involved the police now. They’re not going to side with you even if they think her behaviour is appalling and especially if they’re free loaders. They could be very annoyed with you for not playing ball and taking her in so they don’t have to.

@Sarahzb
That sounds like the sort of question best answered in a safe space with a therapist. Or to ruminate alone.

@Justilou1
Gosh your post has really hit home. I have never likened the good girl training I had as a child to a dog treats scenario, but it’s exactly that. I has no concept of boundaries, had been allowed no completely separate identity or knew that I was even allowed to say no to older adults even in my late 20’s and beyond.

I refused to give dd any kind of training like this. She’s always been encouraged to have her own identity, to know her own mind and to build boundaries. It’s much harder to parent this way. Your post really made me realise how much we are getting right as dd goes through her teens. So thanks for that post.

If the CF really had a genuine need, she should explained that to the OP as part of her initial request to stay. Instead she assumed that she could stay, and be subsidised by not paying rent or utilities

Without knowing the CF at all but having met quite a few self-centred people, the CF doesn't really sound like the type to use a financial windfall to pay off a mortgage. I would have expected at least some of it to have been spent on fancy holidays or nights out, things that would have been noticeable on social media. So it's entirely possible that her living situation is not at all what has been saying it is. Not that the details really matter now, when the behaviour is so shocking and aggressive.

@Justilou1

Well said re dog training/people pleasing.

The thing is you really see where you stand in all relationships and who people truly are when you say No to something.

It is highly recommended to do in a relationship to give you a peep into someone's character.

Some people simply cannot cope with No.

I have come across it in various forms.

One was a surprise because it was from a woman who styled herself as so sweet and nice who decided it would suit her if I brought her 8 year old child to an activity my child did and hers wanted to take up as it had become popular in the class, gymnastics.

My child wasn't friendly with hers at all and didn't want it so I said "it didn't suit unfortunately" to collect her child and drop her home.

We were only vague class acquaintances so I didn't give it a second thought.

Well suddenly I was getting "why not, why couldn't I, her daughter wanted to take it up" etc.

I just reiterated that it didn't suit and never responded to any further texts.

I gave her a very wide berth afterwards.

Another nicer parent than me said yes and did it for a while but stopped suddenly when she text the mother that her daughter was unwell and they wouldn't be going that day.
She got a text back trying to guilt her about her daughter being so upset to miss a session and what a pity it was, the wasted cost of the session etc!🙄.

Unbelievable stuff.

That was the end of any lifts as the driver mother was so pissed off.

Bullet dodged I remember thinking😁

@BruceAndNosh

If the CF really had a genuine need, she should explained that to the OP as part of her initial request to stay. Instead she assumed that she could stay, and be subsidised by not paying rent or utilities

Yes, but that would have involved unravelling the lies she'd already told. And once she'd done that the trust would have gone.

I really wouldn't trust this friend, and I'm sure the Op is sitting looking back and picking holes in many other tales that she's been told over the years.

Sorry for the loss of a friendship with someone who you probably thought you knew and had at least some memorable experiences with. They are probably a narcissistic liar with borderline PD and maybe even psychopathic personality traits.

@MyrrAgain

Sorry for the loss of a friendship with someone who you probably thought you knew and had at least some memorable experiences with. They are probably a narcissistic liar with borderline PD and maybe even psychopathic personality traits.

It tells you a lot about a person when they won't accept a clear 'No' in response to a request.

I realised a friend was like this when we were younger. I think if you are easy-going then you are more likely to be pressurized into always doing what someone else wants.

..... or just an utterly spoiled arse.

They are probably a narcissistic liar with borderline PD and maybe even psychopathic personality traits.

No, they are probably just a cunt.

That too

she really knows how to go on to the next nutty level

hope youre ok

Hopefully, the police have given her a talking to and it is enough to get her to leave you alone.

And your peace and quite continues.

I hope you are feeling a bit better.
What a nightmare it would have been to have such a bully in your home.
I think it might have been very difficult to get her out.
Something about her story seems very off.

Being asked to leave the house she supposedly owns and none of her family prepared to put her up?

What do they know that you didn't?
She sounds like she could be a very difficult person to have living rent free in your home.

.

@islandhoppin How are things going with this OP?