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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Party warning from neighbours

249 replies

partyondoon · 25/08/2021 18:22

NC.
Someone who lives on the road at the back of us has posted a note through the doors of the neighbouring properties with a party noise warning on it. It seems nice to warn us of a sleepless night due to their disco marquee scheduled to end around 2am but it also seems a bit like we've told you there's a big party so you can't complain. No one on this road knows them (v small quiet road) so it's quite bemusing to get these notes. Is this a thing to do? ASD adult and dc here and we don't understand party etiquette very well.
Sorry for posting here btw. I do know that it can be frowned up.

OP posts:

Aisforharlot · 25/08/2021 21:15

I have asd and I can find party noise absolutely horribly distressing.
Those saying 'it's only 1 or 2 times per year' ...extend that logic to the 20 or so properties close enough to disturb should they have loud parties. Is 40 nights per year acceptable?
Why do people think it's ok to disturb others like this?

SeaShoreGalore · 25/08/2021 21:16

even if its a one-off, I'm not sure its acceptable to be having a party to 2am

Of course it is, otherwise people could never have parties!

Doodlebug71 · 25/08/2021 21:20

@SeaShoreGalore

even if its a one-off, I'm not sure its acceptable to be having a party to 2am

Of course it is, otherwise people could never have parties!

No, it's not. MN seems to be full of people who think anti-social behaviour is acceptable. it isn't.

Original poster

partyondoon · 25/08/2021 21:28

The note gives the address and if its who I think it is it's the ones with the dc all day on the trampoline and in the pool often shrieking who have parties til gone 3am with children screaming every now and again. The neighbours on the end get the worst off it but I don't mind the noise of children playing generally. Screaming at 3am is too much. Must remember to buy earplugs!

This thread is interesting in its divide. I wish I could be a live and let live type of person who isn't bothered by noise but I'm just not. Noise affects me severely and makes me terribly anxious and I become very fight or flight. Im absolutely no fun at new year. If there's a New Years Scrooge that's me. Earplugs are a sanity saver on nights like that. My idea of fun is the great outdoors (but not camping )or my book in bed with a good supply of chocolate. I know how to party 🤣 Solidarity to all those who struggle with noise.

OP posts:

SeaShoreGalore · 25/08/2021 21:28

I disagree, I think anti social behaviour is OK, so long as it is infrequent.

tigger1001 · 25/08/2021 21:29

@SeaShoreGalore

even if its a one-off, I'm not sure its acceptable to be having a party to 2am

Of course it is, otherwise people could never have parties!

There is nothing to stop anyone having a party but when you do you need to ensure noise levels are lowered when it gets late.

That's what makes a considerate neighbour. Ensuring your party doesn't disturb the neighbourhood until the wee hours.

Loud music at 2am, irrespective of whether the neighbour has dropped a note through your door, is not a considerate, polite neighbour.

lillylemons · 25/08/2021 21:34

I think it good manners to warn the neighbours when a party is taking place. We had a small gathering for ds a few weeks ago and warned the neighbours there would be some extra kids floating around and it might get a bit noisy.

Woolver23 · 25/08/2021 21:35

My parents have done this when they have had a few major parties over the years, but they've always been long-planned proper family life events, 18th birthdays, wedding receptions, that kind of thing. Not for improptu gatherings. So would let it go this time (but do agree what you say, that they're warning you so you can't complain). They are giving you wanting that it if will cause distress you might want to make other overnight arrangements, sleep on the other side of the house etc

tigger1001 · 25/08/2021 21:36

@CustardySergeant

Why do parties have to be deafening to be enjoyable though? I just don't get it. Can't they enjoy themselves with music at a normal level? At least they'd be able to speak to each other and be heard then.

Agreed.

Our old neighbours loved a party. Shipped their kids off so they weren't disturbed.

And the more they drank, the louder the music got, and the more they had to shout over the music to be heard.

Did have to laugh though as they loved a gossip about the neighbours and never did work out that when shouting over the music meant that often the neighbour they were gossiping about heard every word. And then wondered why people were frosty with them. "Spoil sports just don't like a party cause they weren't invited" was the usual moaning about it. No, they just heard all the horrible judgemental stuff you were yelling about lol

Brainwave89 · 25/08/2021 21:38

I would prefer to be asked by neighbours, but if it is a one off, and a Friday or Saturday I would just put up with it.

ICantFindTheBuffet · 25/08/2021 21:39

Post a note back warning you'll be cutting the grass at 7am. It's fine if you've warned them I agree it's courteous. But 2am is far too late for a residential area. What of a different neighbour popped a note through the next night? Then another? One of doesn't cut it for me. You want to be making party noise so late, hire a function room or go to a club

whattodo2019 · 25/08/2021 21:41

I think it's polite of them to pre warn you. Everyone is entitled to a party surely in their land. By giving prior notice you could decide to go away for the night?

bakingdemon · 25/08/2021 21:44

2am is waaaaay too late in a built up area. I would be checking what the local council guidance is, and replying to them to say that any noise after that is not OK. And if they carried on and I couldn't sleep I'd be round there to ask them to shut up or calling the police if they don't listen. I have had awful neighbours who had constant late parties and it is so selfish. If you want to have a late noisy party then hire a nightclub.

Daphnise · 25/08/2021 21:50

What are you complaining about?

Party noise is part of life.

I like it to end!

coldwarenigma · 25/08/2021 21:55

Can we tell who has loud parties on MN? 🤣
It's good of them to let you know, I would pop a note through their door thanking them and asking for card details for the b&b I would need to book so I can get sleep for work the next day. 😉

We had this a few years back, loud music 2.30 in the afternoon until 5am the next morning. It was so loud the furthest room away on opposite side of the house vibrated. All the neighbours contacted environmental health out of hours the first couple of years with little effect. So one year we got hosepipes out....after that as soon as it went quiet after 5 we all got lawnmowers out and shouted between us...'hey.. morning ..thought we might as well as we have been up all night' type stuff..that had more effect. 😀

Moutarde · 25/08/2021 21:59

@kurtney

My ndn used to warn us when her son was having party (3 or 4 times a year). We lived in a terraced house and the son would bring in a professional sound system and they'd play music til 4 or 5 in the morning. It was so loud, the walls would vibrate and it was like being in a nightclub. Sleep (or anything even) was virtually impossible.

It was polite of her to let us know, but made no difference in terms of how we felt about the party and I still fucking hate her for it.

3 or 4 times a year? Until 4 or 5am

and "I still fucking hate her for it"

Jeeeeez.

I bet you're a right laugh.

MattDamon · 25/08/2021 22:00

Someone in our building passed out a similar note and the building manager said it the most complained about incident of the year because we all had the flat number and name of where the noise was coming from.

LadyPoison · 25/08/2021 22:00

@MrsSkylerWhite

Today 20:39 LadyPoison

I'd be fuming, note or no note.

I'd get 3 hours sleep that night as I'm up at 5 with the animals“

That’s your choice, presumably?

Not really

TootTootTootToot · 25/08/2021 22:22

Midnight is ok but 2 am is obnoxious.

SycamoreGap · 25/08/2021 22:39

@WitchBaby

I’m a pharmacist and I often work weekend shifts. You probably wouldn’t want me dispensing your medication if I’d been awake half the night.

But the fact you had been pre-warned means you can have a little nap beforehand

That would depend on my shift pattern.

Excelthetube · 25/08/2021 22:44

Ever thought if your surroundings cause you so much distress. You need to move to the middle of nowhere
To everyone who has complained on this thread.

No one needs constant noise. But the odd party. Chill out

Clocktopus · 25/08/2021 22:53

Of course it is, otherwise people could never have parties!

I've had parties in the garden and when it starts getting towards 11pm I move it indoors and turn the music down, as do my neighbours. It's not a choice between blasting music or no party at all, they don't need to have music outdoors in a residential area until 2am.

Medievalist · 25/08/2021 23:09

Ever thought if your surroundings cause you so much distress. You need to move to the middle of nowhere

Ever thought if you think it's acceptable to play loud music until 2am you need to move to the middle of nowhere?

user1471538283 · 25/08/2021 23:09

I did this for the only housewarming party I had and I also invited the neighbors. I think its manners and it means your neighbors can plan. We were not too loud or drunk and it was over by 12.

Neighbors should do this unlike many who just do as they like.

Medievalist · 25/08/2021 23:11

it means your neighbors can plan.

Plan what?

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