Am I being oversensitive about my weight?

[2389Champ]

I’m 5’6” and weight 8.4 stone (53kg) Since I gave up alcohol a couple of years ago - I used to drink 3-4 large glasses of wine a night - I’ve just naturally lost the weight and have maintained it at a constant level. I’m fit, well and have plenty of energy.
DH is 15.5 stone and 5’10” He often comments that I’m too thin, don’t eat enough etc etc. I eat what I fancy, don’t calorie count but I’m also not that motivated by it either. I used to happily gorge but now am quite happy eating enough to satisfy me. If we go out for a meal, I often select a decent starter and pud which makes him sigh loudly and pass judgement.
We happened to bump into a friend today who said “every time I see you, you are thinner and thinner you bitch!” It was a bit of banter and a throwaway comment but it started him off again. He told her I just don’t eat and it’s really made me pretty pissed off. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight or say they eat too much! If I’ve suggested to him about eating a little less to get fitter, I’m “on his case”
Two things, am I being oversensitive and is my weight really that ‘dangerously’ low? I wasn’t conscious of my eating/weight until DH started regularly mentioning it and now it’s making me a bit paranoid!

@PurpleDaisies

What hacked me off was DH instantly saying “she’s too thin because she doesn’t eat enough” I just eat when I’m hungry and not just for the sake of it.

What are you actually eating in a typical day? There’s been a lot of hinting that you’re not consuming that much.

Typical day:

Porridge (overnight oats with maple syrup, 5% Greek yoghurt, semi milk, chia seeds) Mug of tea.

Mid morning mug of coffee. Couple of biscuits.

Cheese/Tomato sandwich - yoghurt Mug of tea

Tuna pasta/Fish pie and quite often ice cream. OJ/tea

Bananas/pears/oranges anytime of the day.

Nothing wildly exciting but suits me.

@Polmuggle

Ileflottante
You’re going to get hammered for humble bragging…

But I think you’re a pretty normal and healthy weight for your size, depending on your frame. I’m 5’6” and 50kg and am perfectly healthy to look at as I’m just slight. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m certainly not dangerously underweight, so I doubt you are either.

Except you are underweight 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m considered underweight by a wildly generalised BMI calculation that takes only height and weight into consideration. My build is tiny. But I really am not underweight. To look at me I am well covered and muscled, and healthy. Just not very heavy. 🙄

Incidentally, if I carry any more weight than I am currently, I look weirdly flabby. 🤷🏼‍♀️

‘I think people have lost sight of what a healthy weight is’ It’s not a inaccurate statement though is it? I went to the seaside a couple of weeks back and both me and my friend could not get over how many really obese kids we saw, not in a judgy way, it’s just so obvious! I mean reallyobese kids. Presumably their parents love them and are just blind to what a healthy weight is. I have never seen so many pre pubescent boys with boobs and girls with legs like tree trunks, MN loses their mind when they think someone might have an eating disorder. There is a ticking timebomb out there- obesity.

MN loses their mind when they think someone might have an eating disorder. There is a ticking timebomb out there- obesity.

Have you never read an overweight child thread on here before? Or a thread about general obesity?

@XpressoMartini

People say that to me all the time but my husband likes me very thin so unlike yours he does “praise” me for the way I look. I am one inch taller than you and the same weight and definitely don’t look underweight. [Just to be clear I am naturally thin and happy as I am, I don’t starve myself to please my husband] Like you I naturally lost some weight (in my case after several very close pregnancies) but that was some years ago and I have noticed people have got used to it now so I get much less comments of being too thin.

Gosh - that doesn't sound great

@PurpleDaisies the point I am making is that although anorexia is a problem it is not nearly as big a problem as obesity ( which is also down to poor eating habits) seriously get a grip. Some people do not have huge appetites and struggle with main meals which can be very large in restaurants. This does not mean they have a problem. I have been like that all my life and my weight give or take 2-3 pounds is stable. The op sounds perfectly normal to me.

This place is mad.

If you say your weight and height and its slim..or mention you are slim (on a thread about weight) you are bragging 🤣 or have an eating disorder.

Same in my life.

I'm 5ft2, 8st 1, size 3 foot, no boobs to speak of ..or hips for that matter. Never have had.

I get comments almost weekly like:

''What DO you eat??''
''How come your portions are so small???''
''Are you restricting to keep slim??''
''You must care/think a lot about your looks, do you?''
''Are you healthy?''
''Do you get periods?"

Its fucking mental.
If I turned it around and asked an overweight person..on here or in real life...

'' What do you eat??''
'' Why are your portions so big??''
''Are you eating on purpose to gain weight?''
''You must not care/think a lot about looks,do you? Are you healthy?''
''Do you get normal periods?''

Could you imagine the reaction??🤣

the point I am making is that although anorexia is a problem it is not nearly as big a problem as obesity

Obesity is not an issue on this thread though. Why does a thread about whether s poster is underweight need “what about obesity?”

It might be worth getting a full health check if only to put DHs mind at rest. Someone close to me lost a lot of weight but stayed within healthy BMI. Their appetite declined significantly from what was normal for them though, and it was a little worrying to see. It was later discovered to be caused by a health condition which was then treated. It's not always what you weigh that's the issue it's the fact of losing weight/appetite.

@PurpleDaisies because you are the one saying it’s healthier to be at the top end of your recommended weight and it’s also you who is trying to make the op feel like has a problem.

I do think as we get older it becomes more important to have some weight in reserve and stay towards the middle at least of that range everyone is talking. A few months ago a neighbour of mine, very very slim to begin with, lost something like 18lbs over the course of 10 days when she had severe food poisoning and bless her, she looked ghastly and about 10 years older after it.

[quote Libraryghost]@PurpleDaisies because you are the one saying it’s healthier to be at the top end of your recommended weight and it’s also you who is trying to make the op feel like has a problem.[/quote]
I was talking about a bmi near 25. That’s not near obese. That’s near the overweight range.

Don’t sweat it OP. I’m the same height and weight as you, and I look and feel fine. I’m just quite slight in build, naturally. I would often do the same as you in not having a main meal if I’m eating out, as a starter and pudding would be enough for me, but that’s just my appetite. I’m also a middle-distance runner and long-distance hiker, so I don’t think I’m unhealthy or depriving my body of anything!

I think your husband is possibly trying to deflect from his feelings about his own weight. You might want to see if he would like to join you on your walks - you know him best so you can decide whether that would be appropriate or feel patronising to him. But you don’t have to change your healthy weight and habits to placate overweight people who might be feeling bad about themselves.

Ironically I do have an eating disorder, despite my BMI being almost bang on perfect. The OP is a stone lighter than I am but doesnt have an ED and eats more in a day than I do in a week.

So can we have a go at not judging everyone and their bodies by our own insecurities? Then maybe people like the OP wouldnt be worrying so much about being too slim and people like me wouldnt be worrying about being too fat.

@PurpleDaisies

Op says: I’m going for something like the large garlic prawns with a side and/or extra prawns or a goats cheese tart with a side of fries.

So… is the op allowed to be a normal weight now?

[quote Franklyfrost]@PurpleDaisies

Op says: I’m going for something like the large garlic prawns with a side and/or extra prawns or a goats cheese tart with a side of fries.

So… is the op allowed to be a normal weight now?[/quote]
After I had already posted about just ordering “a starter”, “my starter”…

Go back and check.

She not I

I'm only an inch taller and look ill when I'm 9 1/2 stone so it depends on build.

Read your sample day so eating 3 meals. Why is DH saying you just don’t eat? Is he at work and misses seeing you eating. Surely he sees at weekend. He’ll see your supermarket shopping/fridge. Is he meaning you don’t sit munching snacks with him in evening.
I’d speak to him honestly about how it’s making you feel.

@Dixiechickonhols

Read your sample day so eating 3 meals. Why is DH saying you just don’t eat? Is he at work and misses seeing you eating. Surely he sees at weekend. He’ll see your supermarket shopping/fridge. Is he meaning you don’t sit munching snacks with him in evening. I’d speak to him honestly about how it’s making you feel.

I’m beginning I think this is much more about his issues far more than whether I weigh enough. Incidentally, thanks for all your replies, I think actual weight IS as much about build as mass. My body dimensions are not abnormally thin - I’m a standard size 10 (36, 28, 37) according to most online shops, so I’m feeling much more reassured.

He sees what I eat as he’s retired and at home with me. Whatever I eat, he’ll have that and a bit more so I think he feels if he needs that extra, so should I. For example, I have a round of sandwiches at lunch and a yoghurt, he’ll have a round and a half, a yoghurt and a chocolate bar. If I make a lasagne, we’ll both have a standard portion but because there’s some left over, he’ll HAVE to eat it. If there’s food out, he can’t not help himself.

As I posted before, he’s a very fast eater and I’m actually a very slow one. I think there’s something in the message about letting your food ‘go down’ I think my body gets the ‘full’ message quicker than his does.

And yes, I’m not that fussed about crisps and snacks. If don’t feel hungry, I don’t need to graze like he does. I promise I’m not a goody goody, I just don’t find them that satisfying.

OP, you are absolutely fine.

Don't let other people's nasty judgements get to you. You are a healthy weight, and people have really lost sight of what is a healthy weight in this country.

I've experienced the same about comments on my weight now I'm also a BMI of 18.5, yet I NEVER got comments or sly digs when I was overweight with a 26 BMI.

It's the crab bucket mentality sometimes.

@fellrunner85

You're a normal, healthy, weight and have nothing to worry about. I honestly think people have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like.

I agree with @fellrunner85 and I'm overweight!

I am similar to you for height and weight. I am thin, not underweight. No, I don't look gaunt. Doctors describe me as being at an optimal weight. I worked out your husband's BMI making a few assumptions - sorry if he isn't 31 years old, white and inactive - and the NHS calculator described him as obese. Yes, BMI can be unreliable with highly trained athletes who have slabs of muscle but I don't think your husband is that man. I think he feels less fat if he manages to convince himself that you are underweight.