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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being oversensitive about my weight?

179 replies

2389Champ · 25/08/2021 14:49

I’m 5’6” and weight 8.4 stone (53kg) Since I gave up alcohol a couple of years ago - I used to drink 3-4 large glasses of wine a night - I’ve just naturally lost the weight and have maintained it at a constant level. I’m fit, well and have plenty of energy.
DH is 15.5 stone and 5’10” He often comments that I’m too thin, don’t eat enough etc etc. I eat what I fancy, don’t calorie count but I’m also not that motivated by it either. I used to happily gorge but now am quite happy eating enough to satisfy me. If we go out for a meal, I often select a decent starter and pud which makes him sigh loudly and pass judgement.
We happened to bump into a friend today who said “every time I see you, you are thinner and thinner you bitch!” It was a bit of banter and a throwaway comment but it started him off again. He told her I just don’t eat and it’s really made me pretty pissed off. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight or say they eat too much! If I’ve suggested to him about eating a little less to get fitter, I’m “on his case”
Two things, am I being oversensitive and is my weight really that ‘dangerously’ low? I wasn’t conscious of my eating/weight until DH started regularly mentioning it and now it’s making me a bit paranoid!

OP posts:
Greenrubber · 25/08/2021 16:39

@purpledaises

Being at the top of the healthy weight range is much less concerning than right at the bottom

I disagree with that comment
It depends on the individual

Apart from pregnancy I'm at the lower end I've not got any kind of eating disorder and I don't fixate on my weight I'm very happy with my body so why would it be concerning for anyone?

Unless there is an underlying issue like illness or an eating disorder

My husband is classed as overweight but he's not he just likes his gains its not fat

If you eat healthy and exercise it doesn't really matter what end your at

I personally don't check my BMI as I think it's alot of shit tho

I know I was at the lower end because of a job I used to do

nanbread · 25/08/2021 16:39

I am same height and weigh about 8 st 10, I could definitely do with losing a bit as am rather chubby round the middle! So I think your weight sounds normal.

StrawBeretMoose · 25/08/2021 16:40

It sounds fine to me, I'm about the same.

People saying you could go underweight, well so what, you could but you are not currently underweight.
Healthy weight range for your height:
52.2kg - 70.6kg

If you're at the top end of healthy weight not many people feel the need to point out that a few pounds could put you into overweight.

I am slim but have a bum and boobs and am fit and healthy. I did weigh a few kilos more when I had a job where I had lots of work dinners and the accompanying drinks but don't have all that working from home.

Your partner is top of overweight or bottom of obese category so he could do something about his own weight to get into the healthy weight category that you are in, if he wants. But he should stop mentioning your weight.

Original poster
2389Champ · 25/08/2021 16:41

@PurpleDaisies

If you weren’t eating correctly, obsessing about food or felt ill that would be a different matter.

We don’t know anything about the op’s diet to make that judgement.

Well, I wasn’t obsessing about my food intake at all until DH drew attention to it! I was perfectly happy until then. I never had a problem with my body image but now I’m fussing that I might be too thin because he keeps mentioning it. 😳 That’s why I asked the original question.
OP posts:
nanbread · 25/08/2021 16:42

Being at the top of the healthy weight range is much less concerning than right at the bottom

At the top end I'd be 154lbs. I was that heavy once, I was a size 16 and eating a lot of ice cream, fried food, cakes etc plus drinking loads of booze almost every night!

Recessed · 25/08/2021 16:48

I'm 5 2" and that's the weight I feel my best, quite slim too so I imagine you're extremely thin weighing that at your height, but like pp mentioned everyone carries it differently.

When out for a nice dinner a main and a dessert is quite normal and is what I mostly get but a starter and dessert does seem like someone being really restrictive. I'd raise an eyebrow about that too but wouldn't say anything unless I was genuinely concerned, if he's otherwise a good guy he's probably worried and trying to address it but going about it the wrong way.

Tal45 · 25/08/2021 16:49

I'm about the same as you, I had to have an extra scan and speak to someone about my weight when I was pregnant because it flagged up as a concern. No one I actually spoke to was concerned at all and I went on to have an over 9lber. I love being skinny and not having to think about what I eat (said while pigging out on humous on crostini).

Recessed · 25/08/2021 16:52

He could also just be frustrated as you no longer "share" the good things in life. A few glasses of wine and a really nice dinner is much more enjoyable when someone else is sharing it with you. It shouldn't matter but it often does make a difference to the pleasure involved.

Original poster
2389Champ · 25/08/2021 16:57

@Ileflottante

You’re going to get hammered for humble bragging…

But I think you’re a pretty normal and healthy weight for your size, depending on your frame. I’m 5’6” and 50kg and am perfectly healthy to look at as I’m just slight. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m certainly not dangerously underweight, so I doubt you are either.

Thank you. Your post is actually very reassuring. I did wonder if I was making myself sound like a first world problem!

I’m in my mid fifties and feel the fittest I think I have for my whole life. I know when I was at work, like most people I had to eat by the clock, was more sedentary and ate out more because I couldn’t be bothered to cook after a long day, plus drank more to relax. Thinking about it, it’s possible that giving up these were as much contributing factors to the weight loss since I left employment 3 years ago and I’ve now found my ‘natural’ weight?

OP posts:
DeflatedGinDrinker · 25/08/2021 16:58

After having my son I was 8st 12 and 5foot 6 and felt weak as anything that was too thin for me. If you feel good though that's fine

Franklyfrost · 25/08/2021 17:03

These replies would be completely different if you were at the top of the normal weight range.

If you are eating enough to get the nutrients you need, have enough energy and fall into a normalish weight range then you are doing fine. If your husband comments reply: you’ve mentioned that before, I understand you don’t like my weight however, let’s not unnecessarily comment on each other’s appearances it makes me feel unloved/criticised/monitored…

I reckon he doesn’t like you being a healthy weight when he’s not, would that fit in with his character?

Franklyfrost · 25/08/2021 17:05

Also, totally depends on your body type- I’m big boned and at the bottom of normal range I look like a skeleton, on the flip side no one believes I’m at at the top end of normal BMI because all the weight sits within my frame so no belly etc.

Dentistlakes · 25/08/2021 17:05

I’m the same height as you and was a similar weight (when I was younger, not now unfortunately). I used to get lots of comments from my friends that I was skinny and too thin. I think people see it as making a compliment, although it can be annoying.

WhoppingBigBackside · 25/08/2021 17:10

@Recessed, I'd order whatever I liked within reason, but sometimes the starters are a lot more appealing that the main dishes. If the main dishes were 'meh' but the starters looked yummy then it makes sense.
I am not that fussed about eating out unless the food is especially good.

Octopus37 · 25/08/2021 17:11

Without stating the obvious weight is so individual. I am 5ft5, but have been your weight in my 30s and a bit lower. I was a size 10 at this weight. In terms of shape, I'm quite pear shaped and I'd say I have to choose between my bum and my face. I'm 8st12 at the moment, I've lost some weight recently due to stress and whilst I would love to loose another half stone, I think I would probably be starting to look too thin in my fact at 8st4. I'm 46. Unfortuntely I can easily get into the habit of pigging out, dont drink much (although I enjoy a drink a couple of times a week) and do love food, if that is unfortunate. Its a balance and its different for everyone. I feel quite self conscious in front of my Sister cause she will only order soup if we go out for a family meal and would never eat a pie for her lunch etc, even though she weights more than me. Its difficult not to feel like that when you are with someone who doesn't eat much. Think we are culturally programmed to see being a small eater as lady like and proof that you've got your shit togetther, although I'm sure others would disagree. Everyone is responsible for themselves though so I wouldn't let others opinions effect you, especially as you have been the same weight for two years.

Octopus37 · 25/08/2021 17:13

Too thin in my face not fact

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2021 17:14

These replies would be completely different if you were at the top of the normal weight range.

Because those are two different situations. Being underweight is worse for your health than overweight. This is well documented.

Libraryghost · 25/08/2021 17:17

@PurpleDaisies if I was at the top end of my recommended weight I would be unhealthy. When I put weight on it all goes round my middle not uniformly all over. My belly/ hip ratio would definitely be in the unhealthy ratio.

Franklyfrost · 25/08/2021 17:23

@PurpleDaisies

BMI is a guide line. You can be healthy and small.

Yes, it’s well documented that you’re going to starve to death faster if you’re very underweight compared to the drawn out death of the morbidly obese but that’s not the situation here.

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2021 17:33

Yes, it’s well documented that you’re going to starve to death faster if you’re very underweight compared to the drawn out death of the morbidly obese but that’s not the situation here.

How do you know what the op is eating every day? Unless I’ve missed it, all that’s really been said is there’s a vague hint at the amount she’s eating trending downwards and only ordering starters for main courses when out.

Singinghollybob · 25/08/2021 17:33

I think people have lost sight of what a healthy/slim weight looks like.
I'm the same weight as you at 5ft 5" and yes I'm slim but no way do I look underweight or too thin.
I appreciate people carry weight differently and at that height and weight some people would feel too thin, but on the whole I think we're used to seeing bigger people which I think leads us to think a slim person is underweight, when they're just slim.

Classica · 25/08/2021 17:36

'people have lost sight' is such a staple on a MN weight thread.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 25/08/2021 17:37

You sound totally normal to me.

They are rude bastards.

BoredZelda · 25/08/2021 17:38

I honestly think people have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like.

Oh that old chestnut trotted out again.

Polmuggle · 25/08/2021 17:39

@Ileflottante

You’re going to get hammered for humble bragging…

But I think you’re a pretty normal and healthy weight for your size, depending on your frame. I’m 5’6” and 50kg and am perfectly healthy to look at as I’m just slight. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m certainly not dangerously underweight, so I doubt you are either.

Except you are underweight 🤷🏼‍♀️