Am I being oversensitive about my weight?

[2389Champ]

I’m 5’6” and weight 8.4 stone (53kg) Since I gave up alcohol a couple of years ago - I used to drink 3-4 large glasses of wine a night - I’ve just naturally lost the weight and have maintained it at a constant level. I’m fit, well and have plenty of energy.
DH is 15.5 stone and 5’10” He often comments that I’m too thin, don’t eat enough etc etc. I eat what I fancy, don’t calorie count but I’m also not that motivated by it either. I used to happily gorge but now am quite happy eating enough to satisfy me. If we go out for a meal, I often select a decent starter and pud which makes him sigh loudly and pass judgement.
We happened to bump into a friend today who said “every time I see you, you are thinner and thinner you bitch!” It was a bit of banter and a throwaway comment but it started him off again. He told her I just don’t eat and it’s really made me pretty pissed off. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight or say they eat too much! If I’ve suggested to him about eating a little less to get fitter, I’m “on his case”
Two things, am I being oversensitive and is my weight really that ‘dangerously’ low? I wasn’t conscious of my eating/weight until DH started regularly mentioning it and now it’s making me a bit paranoid!

Your fine! I think what the first poster said is very true
People have lost touch with what a healthy weight looks like

I was always being told I was too skinny (I'm pregnant now so I get wow your massive comments) but it was always by people who were larger and struggle with their weight
I was 5'4 and about 52kg

People comment on my weight all the time and it’s drives me round the bend. It’s not appropriate and there are 1000’s of other things to talk about. Keep your opinions on other people’s apparenaces to yourself unless it’s a ‘you look nice today’ ‘your hair looks lovely’ etc.

So I am fully onboard with you on this.

It's difficult as body shape can dictate how you actually look & I think lower weights look different at 20 vs 50.

However the criticism may just be motivated by concern. Leading up to my wedding I lost quite a bit of weight unintentionally as I didn't have time to eat (I normally eat a lot). My parents made quite a few comments, my dad in particular was concerned. I don't even know how much I weighed as didn't have a scale but I was probably close to being underweight. I look quite drastically thin in some of the photos

I'm 5ft6 and 8st4 is actually at the very lowest end of he healthy weight bracket of the BMI scale for our height.

I'm currently pregnant but when I'm not with child I weigh 9st6 or there abouts. I wear a size 8-10 and look fairly average. Last time I was 8st4 I was 16 wore a size 6 and looked ill. But a lot of that is how you carry it.

I have thin wrists, and a small waist even when I was at my highest weight of 15st in my mid 20s so people were always surprised if my weight ever came up.

If you know you have a healthy attitude to food you have nothing to worry about, if you think there could be genuine concern then add more healthy fats like peanut butter or avocado to your diet.

If you have lost a lot of weight fairly quickly without trying I would also speak to your GP as it can be a symptom of some cancers even if you have no other symptoms.

I am one inch taller than you and the same weight and definitely don’t look underweight.

So @XpressoMartini, 5’7” and 8 stone 4? That gives you a BMI of 18.2, which makes you underweight. I am the same height as you and weigh nearer 10 stone and am slim. People think I am skinny because I have no boobs. The fact that your husband “likes you very thin” is worrying.

I’m not agreeing with your husband and can’t comment on how thin or otherwise you look, but the whole “decent starter and a pud” would raise potential concern if you’re not ever really having a main dish when eating out?
Does he have to eat his main while you watch him with nothing in front of you or do you have your starter while he’s eating a main course?

It would make me feel like a greedy pig if I ate out with someone who frequently didn’t order a main course; in my experience it’s not that common to frequently not have a main dish unless the person is on a strict diet/calorie counting (even then there’s usually a salad or lighter options aside from starters), so it would certainly give the impression that you’re restricting food when eating out.

People have lost touch with what a healthy weight looks like

The op is right at the bottom of the healthy range. Objectively she is very thin.

It could be genuine concern, especially if this weight has fallen off relatively quickly. I am two inches taller than you, but I was considered an extremely skinny teenager when I was about your weight (the only time I was about that weight 🙂).

but the whole “decent starter and a pud” would raise potential concern if you’re not ever really having a main dish when eating out?

Not necessarily. Portion sizes where I live are massive. When we eat out I either have a starter and a pudding or a main course. I can't manage a Yorkshire three course meal

I love my food and am not a competitive under eater.

@Greenrubber, That's about what I weigh, and it's fine. The people who say I am too thin are usually overweight.

I am of a build and height where going up or down a few pounds does show, but the only reason I think people tell me is because they want to justify their own weight.

We live in a society where fatshaming is deemed wrong but thinshaming isn't

You are only just a healthy weight. If you lost 1kg you'd be underweight.

I'd be more worried about dh's weight as he is well in to obese bmi

My weight has been the same for around 2 years so not continuing to fall.
I order my starter as a main and eat it at the same time as DH and don’t usually go for the salady option - it’ll usually be an indulgent one! ☺️ As I posted, he’s a very faster eater whereas I’m on the slower side so it works out about right! I’ll have a pud too.

@WhoppingBigBackside
Totally!

People commenting that the OP is at the low end of the healthy scale 🤦‍♀️ she's in the healthy range!! What does it matter

Mumsnet isn’t the best place to ask about Eating Disorders and weight issues. There is a lot of normalising of ED behaviour and attitudes.

We don’t actually know OP whether you are someone with a naturally small frame and small appetite who is perfectly healthy in your mindset or whether you are in denial about an ED. There is no way for someone online to differentiate between the two.

We don’t know whether your DH is concerned or being a twat and overcompensating for his own unhealthy behaviour around food.

Healthy BMI is 20-25. You will hear people say 18-25, all ED services I have worked in use 20-25. I have seen people very ill at your BMI. And I have seen people at your BMI who are doing great. BMI is not the full story and nobody here can tell you whether you are healthy or not, or make a judgement about whether DJ is unreasonable to think you have lost a concerning amount of weight.

That should say DH of course

Friend made comment as she is jealous. I am
Same height as you and overweight and trying to loose it. Would never pass comments on someone’s weight unless they asked my direct opinion. Your husband may think he needs to loose weight and if he is then finding this may be upset by it and hence mentioning your weight.

I order my starter as a main and eat it at the same time as DH and don’t usually go for the salady option - it’ll usually be an indulgent one!

Like what? I can’t think of anything that would be appropriate as a main meal.

I agree mumsnet is a bad place to come for low weight advice.

I was 5’4 and 7st 11. I looked like absolute shit (small frame and size 5 feet). I looked ill. Looked much better at about 8st 7. So, you probably do look too thin, even if your BMI is technically normal. But who cares? It’s your life and if you’re happy, ignore it.

I'm an inch taller but have the same bmi as you, OP. Only people who tell me I'm too thin are people who are pretty big themselves. I'd make it very clear to your husband that you don't like him saying these things about you, and if he doesn't drop it, maybe start making a few personal comments about his eating habits and body.

It depends. No one is going to be able to tell on the internet, without knowing you and your eating.

I’m shorter than you and that weight is not achievable for me without some disordered eating/excessive exercise. That is me though, i am aware others can be my height and that weight and be healthy. For me, 8.5 st is 2 hrs plus exercise a day and aiming for under 1000 calories. Yes I’ve tried it.

Do you think your dh might have a point? How often do you think about food, weight, calories etc? How often do you weigh yourself? Do you make an effort to restrict eating so as not to gain weight or to actively lose weight? Are you still losing?

[quote Greenrubber]@WhoppingBigBackside
Totally!

People commenting that the OP is at the low end of the healthy scale 🤦‍♀️ she's in the healthy range!! What does it matter[/quote]
Well I think it matters as we haven't got a whole lot of info to go on and we're being asked an AIBU and trying to decide if DP is being unsupportive or if he's actually worried about her.

If I was at the top of the healthy bmi range, unless I was working out a lot, I would be a tub. Towards the lower end is where I feel right. Any lower and I start looking scraggy.

I've noticed over the years that the population in general is starting to look chubby. How people eat has changed a lot.

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

Mumsnet isn’t the best place to ask about Eating Disorders and weight issues. There is a lot of normalising of ED behaviour and attitudes.

We don’t actually know OP whether you are someone with a naturally small frame and small appetite who is perfectly healthy in your mindset or whether you are in denial about an ED. There is no way for someone online to differentiate between the two.

We don’t know whether your DH is concerned or being a twat and overcompensating for his own unhealthy behaviour around food.

Healthy BMI is 20-25. You will hear people say 18-25, all ED services I have worked in use 20-25. I have seen people very ill at your BMI. And I have seen people at your BMI who are doing great. BMI is not the full story and nobody here can tell you whether you are healthy or not, or make a judgement about whether DJ is unreasonable to think you have lost a concerning amount of weight.

I understand and get that completely.

My weight has stayed the same for a couple of years. That’s why DH recently going on about it now is frustrating. I’m weighing myself every day now because he mentioned it - never used to!
Not sure of my metabolism or appetite has been affected by the menopause as I certainly don’t eat as much as I used to, plus I could knock back the alcohol but have lost my taste for that too. I definitely don’t ‘watch’ what I eat, it just takes less food to make me feel I've had enough. I don’t like that groaning, heaviness after food anymore.

As I said at the beginning, I have loads of energy, can’t tell you when I was last ill and would be perfectly content if it wasn’t for his comments.

People have lost touch with what a healthy weight looks like

I don't think this is actually true and a healthy weight is fairly subjective.