Am I being oversensitive about my weight?

[2389Champ]

I’m 5’6” and weight 8.4 stone (53kg) Since I gave up alcohol a couple of years ago - I used to drink 3-4 large glasses of wine a night - I’ve just naturally lost the weight and have maintained it at a constant level. I’m fit, well and have plenty of energy.
DH is 15.5 stone and 5’10” He often comments that I’m too thin, don’t eat enough etc etc. I eat what I fancy, don’t calorie count but I’m also not that motivated by it either. I used to happily gorge but now am quite happy eating enough to satisfy me. If we go out for a meal, I often select a decent starter and pud which makes him sigh loudly and pass judgement.
We happened to bump into a friend today who said “every time I see you, you are thinner and thinner you bitch!” It was a bit of banter and a throwaway comment but it started him off again. He told her I just don’t eat and it’s really made me pretty pissed off. I don’t comment on anyone else’s weight or say they eat too much! If I’ve suggested to him about eating a little less to get fitter, I’m “on his case”
Two things, am I being oversensitive and is my weight really that ‘dangerously’ low? I wasn’t conscious of my eating/weight until DH started regularly mentioning it and now it’s making me a bit paranoid!

I would agree with banana mushy.

It is disordered eating to refuse to eat a main course in a restaurant.

Eating out with someone who won't eat the main course with you is really unappealing. I'm not surprised he's complaining.

@felulageller

It is disordered eating to refuse to eat a main course in a restaurant.

Eating out with someone who won't eat the main course with you is really unappealing. I'm not surprised he's complaining.

Is it bollocks. I'm not paying for a main course that I wouldn't want to eat. Sometimes there just isn't anything on the mains menu that I like, or it's something just boring that I wouldn't bother with at home.

What I do in that case is to order a couple of starters or 2 side dishes to be served at the same time as the main course.

@BoredZelda

Presumably OP, if you have access to the internet and know your height and weight, you can just Google your BMI and see if it sits within the healthy range.

Tbh, I’ve never worried about my weight, or even compared myself to anything, until DH started making comments. I’ve never intentionally dieted as I’ve always felt about right and comfortable with my size and that general fitness is more important than what the scales say. The friend we bumped into today has always struggled with her own weight and I took her comments as light hearted and and it’s typical of her to call me ‘skinny bitch’ in a friendly way because we often tease each other about different things. What hacked me off was DH instantly saying “she’s too thin because she doesn’t eat enough” I just eat when I’m hungry and not just for the sake of it.

@Libraryghost

I am 5ft 4 and 8 and half stone. Perfectly healthy weight.. The amount of times people have said how thin I am is unbelievable! I am slim not thin and so are you! If you weren’t eating correctly, obsessing about food or felt ill that would be a different matter.

Me too. Been at this weight for a while. Definitely not too thin, and a half stone heavier than I would have been in my twenties. I have a tummy, love handles, flabby fat thighs . I think people have lost sight of what’s a healthy weight in this country. When I’ve been in Spain for example lots of the young girls are far more slender than the girls I see here

Tbh, I’ve never worried about my weight, or even compared myself to anything, until DH started making comments.

In which case it makes even more sense to simply Google to find your BMI.

@felulageller

It is disordered eating to refuse to eat a main course in a restaurant.

Eating out with someone who won't eat the main course with you is really unappealing. I'm not surprised he's complaining.

It depends on the type of restaurant. Some serve normal portions, others serve enough for one and a half or two people as a main course, in that case ordering a starter may be less disordered.

What hacked me off was DH instantly saying “she’s too thin because she doesn’t eat enough” I just eat when I’m hungry and not just for the sake of it.

Have you lost weight since you got together? Or has he always said this?

OP, is it always a starter and pudding each time you eat out? Do you ever have a main course in a restaurant? Do you walk/exercise extra to make up for eating out?

I think the issue about Googling BMI is not just Googling yours but also your husband’s. You are at the very bottom of a healthy weight range, yes, bordering on underweight. BUT you are still in the healthy weight, and these things are a range for a reason. That said, yes, you will be underweight if you lose anymore. However, your husband’s BMI puts him above overweight and into the obese category. So I would say, rather, that your husband is very sensitive about your weight. If you want to try to have a rational conversation, telling him that you’re a healthy weight, everything online including the NHS BMI chart says so, and his comments make you feel badly, try that first. And hopefully he just listens to you and responds. If he blows you off, THEN I would fight fire with fire, and comment about his eating and weight IMMEDIATELY every time he comments about yours. Also, really think about why he’s such a dick. Is he always like this when you accomplish something (like you’ve accomplished weight loss)?

Starter and pudding actually sounds like a great idea for those restaurants with huge serving sizes. Nothing worse than having no room for pudding if there are delicious sounding options available!

Sometimes starters are main course sized. If I fancy a pudding I leave room for it. You can always ask for a doggy bag if the main course is too big.

@felulageller

It is disordered eating to refuse to eat a main course in a restaurant.

Eating out with someone who won't eat the main course with you is really unappealing. I'm not surprised he's complaining.

I often do that. My other half loves fish and steak so we go to those places occasionally and whilst the mains are mostly steak or fish, often there is a veggie starter or just chicken or something I would prefer. Or if I am forced into a veggie main I may as well have a more exciting starter (which may be sane calories anyway if rich/creamy. Even for a smaller sized dish)

@RightYesButNo

I think the issue about Googling BMI is not just Googling yours but also your husband’s. You are at the very bottom of a healthy weight range, yes, bordering on underweight. BUT you are still in the healthy weight, and these things are a range for a reason. That said, yes, you will be underweight if you lose anymore. However, your husband’s BMI puts him above overweight and into the obese category. So I would say, rather, that your husband is very sensitive about your weight. If you want to try to have a rational conversation, telling him that you’re a healthy weight, everything online including the NHS BMI chart says so, and his comments make you feel badly, try that first. And hopefully he just listens to you and responds. If he blows you off, THEN I would fight fire with fire, and comment about his eating and weight IMMEDIATELY every time he comments about yours. Also, really think about why he’s such a dick. Is he always like this when you accomplish something (like you’ve accomplished weight loss)?

I was probably only a stone and half heavier for years but since I’ve left work - about 3 years ago - my eating habits and my activity levels changed. I’m walking more and eating when I’m hungry, rather than when I have to. I agree with many other posters on here that the reason I regularly choose a starter is because the choice is often better and most restaurants are happy to make the portion larger if I’ve requested it as a main. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ordering a few lettuce leaves and a sliced tomato, I’m going for something like the large garlic prawns with a side and/or extra prawns or a goats cheese tart with a side of fries. It’s because I’m not ordering off the mains menu that DH seems to think I’m “dieting” That sort of portion, plus an indulgent pudding suits me fine. I feel satisfied without being bloated.

I've just googled my own bmi so I could think about it, mine was 19.1. I'm 5'8 and quite athletic in terms of build so whilst I'm slim nobody has ever called me skinny!

Saying that I'm about a size 8 and you are smaller in height and weight so me so must be a size 6 maybe? That's pretty slim but honestly, there's nothing wrong with being slim if it's not the result of over exercising, calories restriction or illness. It doesn't sound like any of those things are really applicable to you?

The only insight into your diet that you've given is the 'starter in a restaurant' example. Have you got a more every day example of what you eat? That's what we'd need in order to know if there is any truth to your husbands words. That said it might just be a combo of him feeling that you're a bit of a bore to eat out with and he's projecting a bit if his own discomfort about being overweight onto you.

I’m size 8/10 with boobs and bum! 😂

If you are vegetarian sometimes there are only one or two veggie dishes on the menu.

I've just looked at the menu of a fairly local restaurant and there are none. If I went there I would just order side dishes.

@ PurpleDaisies

Op says several times her weight has been stable (not underweight) for the last two years. She’s hardly starving. The issue is not op’s weight but that her husband thinks it’s okay to make negative comments about her appearance.

Also, a couple of sides or a side and chips (which is what op says she’s ordering) is a full meal as far as calories go. Are you her husband?

Right. Got the tape measure out.
Bust 36”
Waist 28”
Hips 37”

Those dimensions don’t sound horrifically thin, do they? 🤔

No, you sound like you have a lovely figure. I think your dh is insecure about his weight.

I'm the same height as you and when I was under 8 stone people told me I was too thin/skinny. But when I put on weight to about the same as you no one ever mentioned it. You're an ok weight OP. Maybe your Husband finds women who are a bit bigger more attractive?

No, you sound a really healthy size OP. Though your measurements aren't too dissimilar from mine, and I'm almost a stone heavier!

I am the same height as you and weigh 9.5 stone but I am hourglass so have wide shoulders and hips, so you can see my rib cage and collar bone etc quite prominently. Its all to do with build. My sister for example at her thinnest was almost a size 10 and look skeletal as she has a large frame and 2 inches taller than me.

I look the same at a size 6.

I have had the same comments since I went from a size 20 to a size 10 and it is always people who I know have struggles with their own weight that have been most critical telling me I am too thin. My BMI is 22 so in the top half of normal. Those who are happy in their own skin are the ones who are supportive and dont feel the need to say anything other than "You look great".

Sounds like your loss has really shone a light on him. He can't blame the diet at home, he cant blame booze, he can't blame anything but himself and he doesnt like that. So rather than think "OK if she can do it, so can I" he would rather moan and get you to be fatter as that would be by far the easiest route to him feeling better about himself than actually doing the hard work.

Same with ordering food. You are perfectly happy with say soup and pudding (I dont have a sweet tooth so tend to order a small main and nothing else), and it highlights that he orders 3 chunky courses and then snacks when you get home. He has nowhere to hide with that. He cant say "Well we both had a massive dinner so it was ok that I ate snacks later as everyone knows men need more calories". It just highlights his greed.

You've tried nice to I suggest you just lose your shit. "I am happy with how i look and how much I eat. I am healthy fit and well. If you dont like it then tough. Also, if this is your way of deflecting your own issues on to me then pack it in. If you are happy in yourself good and stop discussing my weight or size in ANY WAY. If you are not happy with how you look and feel then do something about it, and again stop discussing my weight or size in ANY WAY!"

What hacked me off was DH instantly saying “she’s too thin because she doesn’t eat enough” I just eat when I’m hungry and not just for the sake of it.

What are you actually eating in a typical day? There’s been a lot of hinting that you’re not consuming that much.

Also, a couple of sides or a side and chips (which is what op says she’s ordering) is a full meal as far as calories go. Are you her husband?

The said “a starter” when I posted. Nothing about several starters with sides of chips. You can go back and check.