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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Well I'll just sell the effing house then now.

158 replies

Handy123 · 25/08/2021 14:05

I've got three children and no support. They are 9 months, 3 and 5. I have Hashimoto's disease which I have struggled to control recently.

Husband works full time and so all childcare/cleaning etc falls to me. He does cook in the evenings which I'm grateful for and help a little at weekends.

I've just got back from two days spent at my parents' caravan in the South West. DH working so couldn't come too. I had been overwhelmed before I got there to be honest (3 hours' drive away with the baby still breastfed). I had been really hoping for a bit of support, a chance for a break perhaps even.

Anyway, my parents (who have both retired and spend most of the summer on their caravan) just didn't offer to help at all. In fact, they just criticised my parenting most of the time. The usual 'rod for my own back' comments about my toddler being very attached to me and how I should be smacking my children.

I cried most of the way home (cut the holiday short in fact) as I'm so frustrated that they didn't help. I did not expect them to have any of the children during the day, but the fact I couldn't even have a shower whilst they held the baby, shows how they just didn't seem to care.

Back story: they 'helped' us to buy a house next door to them years ago. 'Helped' because they wanted it really and to control me by having me next door to them. There's been a huge amount of emotional manipulation about it ever since and we moved out 2 years ago. I want to sell it (its 100% owned by me), but out of some weird misplaced loyalty, I've only rented it out. They dreamily think that 'one day' I might want to live there again. I won't.

Anyway, I feel like they've showed their true colours recently and I think if they are going to be like that with me, I might as well sell it and be happy, putting that part of my life behind me. It could result in a huge family fallout.

AIBU - Yes - stop being petty over a few days' holiday blip
AIBU - No - sod it and sell up for closure

OP posts:
Handy123 · 25/08/2021 14:07

Sorry that should be:

YABU - stop being petty over a few days' holiday blip
YANBU - sod it and sell up for closure

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 25/08/2021 14:07

Sell the fucker.
YANBU.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 25/08/2021 14:09

Sell it

phishy · 25/08/2021 14:09

Sell the house but maybe give them the money they gave you to buy the house? Unless it’s your inheritance and siblings got a similar about?

16purplecolour16 · 25/08/2021 14:09

Cuddle the baby. Sell the house.

neverornow · 25/08/2021 14:11

Sell it. Life is too short!

Mosaic123 · 25/08/2021 14:12

Sell it and move away.

Remember the caravan holiday when they are old and need help.

MzHz · 25/08/2021 14:12

Sell baby sell!

Your life will be your own!

New2ctc · 25/08/2021 14:13

I pressed wrong!
UrnBU

billy1966 · 25/08/2021 14:14

Absolutely sell the house and move on with your life.

Things will hopefully get a bit easier soon.

3 under 5 is hellish at times.
Flowers

DorotheaHomeAlone · 25/08/2021 14:18

Sell it if you want or need the money but not for some kind of weird revenge. You sound overwhelmed and undersupported but isn’t it your husband who should really be doing more. He cooks and ‘helps’ at weekends. That’s not enough when you have 4 young kids even without your health issues to consider.

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 25/08/2021 14:21

Mentally note you will sell it when your tenants leave, but don't add to your load just now by selling a house as well.

I would also let emotions calm and get your health under control. When you do sell and can say "when I was ill, with 3 children under 5..." the distance and lower level of emotion will feel much better. Reacting to them is still being under control, in a way.

Handy123 · 25/08/2021 14:23

@DorotheaHomeAlone I'm sure that its some weird revenge, although I do understand your point. I think it's more that I've realised I make sacrifices for them and try to be really loyal, when it is not reciprocated at all. It felt like a wake up call.

3 young kids, not 4.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 25/08/2021 14:24

Sell

PinkyAndALurkyPerky · 25/08/2021 14:24

But they have offered you support in their own way. I'm sorry you are ill but they have bought you a house and given you a holiday. Why did you agree to this and what more should they do when you & your husband had three children knowing the circumstances?
They have their lives too

Handy123 · 25/08/2021 14:26

@DorotheaHomeAlone sorry I meant *not sure

OP posts:
Muststopeating · 25/08/2021 14:26

It baffles me how anyone who cares about you can stand and watch you struggle with 3 kids under 5 and not do anything to help.

The criticism is even worse. It SO hard having kids at that age, constantly second guessing yourself and trying to figure out how to stop/avoid the tantrums/ignoring you etc. The last thing you need is someone vocalising those worries and adding to them.

I don't have an illness but I do have a 6 week old, 2 year old and 4 year old and a husband who works away, so I FULLY sympathise.

They are knobs! Sorry you are struggling. I really hope you can find some respite soon. Be kind to yourself!

SarahBop · 25/08/2021 14:27

I feel for you. I had similar from family members too "needs a good smack" etc...you have to become assertive and clear 'We've chosen not to smack the children, times have changed and I'd appreciate you keeping your opinions to yourself, thank you'

Keep cuddling your babies and sell the fucking house ASAP

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/08/2021 14:30

If you sell the house, can you afford another one?

Either way, don't go on holiday without your husband in future, and on the clear understanding that childcare will be shared.

thistimelastweek · 25/08/2021 14:34

Sell the house and use any profit to pay for extra support at home.

thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 25/08/2021 14:34

@PinkyAndALurkyPerky

But they have offered you support in their own way. I'm sorry you are ill but they have bought you a house and given you a holiday. Why did you agree to this and what more should they do when you & your husband had three children knowing the circumstances? They have their lives too
I think you need to read the OP again
Handy123 · 25/08/2021 14:35

@TheYearOfSmallThings yes we could afford to buy another one if we sell.

Unfortunately DH's work schedule would mean that if I did that, we would never have a holiday (at least not in the school holidays anyway) and I did not want the children to go without.

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 25/08/2021 14:35

@New2ctc

I pressed wrong! UrnBU
You can change your vote.
viques · 25/08/2021 14:38

Sell the house, use some of the money to pay for help in the house either a cleaner or help with the children.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 25/08/2021 14:38

Sell.

Create some distance - even if it is only half a mile away or whatever.